tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-138953852024-03-23T11:08:40.977-07:00Tigger thoughtswriting more than she sings...
just here, for nowSinging Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.comBlogger148125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-53636707182938253932018-02-24T20:18:00.000-08:002018-02-24T20:18:49.595-08:00I made someone uncomfortable yesterdayI made someone feel uncomfortable yesterday. Or at least I think...<br />
<br />
When I met Joshua, my black American husband, I was entirely impressed with his intellect, eloquence in preaching, beautiful and thoughtful writings. I was so thankful to God that He has provided a wonderful partner in life who is also willing to go overseas for missions work or whatever God calls us to do. When we met, we also knew and discussed the complexity of race and ethnicity in the US.<br />
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We discussed about having children and we both love children. He wanted 5 and I was thinking 2. So we had a compromise. We have three, three beautiful brown chocolate colored boys. We also discussed and wondered how they will grow up and think about their own bi-racial identity.<br />
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In the past 5 1/2 years of our lives in Ghana, there were times when people make comments about their color (they are usually as seen as "obruni" or whites) but most of the time people say this as a description because their skin color is fairer than most of their friends and the people around.<br />
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Yesterday, I took the boys to the pediatrician for a regular check up in Nashville, where we are living for the time duration of our home assignment. It was a rather long and stressful exercise because of the different systems, examinations, and the fact that I have three boys with me. Afterwards, I thought it would be nice to bring them to the Chick-fil-A nearby so they can play at the little playground. I rushed all the boys into the car and made sure they were buckled up. We all went into the restaurant with me trying to make sure they stay safe and not disturb other people too much. We sat down and got our food. The boys went to play at the playground after they ate. In the mean time, there was this one particular older white gentleman who was helping to clear the tables and asking people if they needed a refill. During the entire time that we were there, this man almost ignored us except to take our tray away to the trash. And after the boys have been playing for a while, I was conscious of the fact that the restaurant was busy so I asked this gentleman if I should pack away my things from the table. His reply was almost rude by saying "just leave them there".<br />
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I didn't want to feel like I'm being too sensitive to this whole sticky racial dynamics in the US plus I had to attend to these three busy boys. We left and I wondered about the whole situation but was too tired to talk to anybody about it until this morning. We were having breakfast and I told my sister-in-law about what took place then she confirmed my suspicion that this older gentleman probably was "uncomfortable" (not her exact words) with a Asian woman and three "black" boys. I suppose I can go back to the store and confront him or clarify things but until then, this was what took place and my experience.<br />
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I guess I feel like I need to write about it not to condemn anyone or to make others feel sorry for me and the boys but just to state the fact that yes, we have a very complicated and painful history of racial relations in the US that is still affecting us. In addition, a Black-Asian relationship or family is not too common. Even for a place like Chick-fil-A, a very successful "Christian" business, things are not just going to go away without more intentional "work" from various institutions (like churches and even their company) to address and help people understand the prejudices and historical context and just the fact that "sin" is still at work in our hearts and minds.<br />
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<br />Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-490935030478636272017-09-25T08:49:00.000-07:002017-09-25T11:31:03.906-07:00Sacred spaceI went to church this morning and had an encounter with God.<br />
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Before I was going, I was anticipating that God would do something in my life and through my life today. I was thinking about the idea of "sacred space" that is a part of my husband's research for his PhD thesis. Since he's still in the process of finishing his thesis, I won't go too much into what he has told me. But in looking at the history and practices of the church his grandmother started, he discovered that they provide a "sacred space" at the front of the church (like an alter). From what I remember, he said that there are certain objects placed on this table covered with a white table cloth. That "alter" provides a place for the Divine (God) to interact with us or an interaction between the supernatural and the natural, Creator and the created. I remember the same idea is very much a part of the Celtic spirituality and practices when I was auditing a class on Christian history.<br />
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So this morning when I entered the auditorium, and started to sing along with the worship team, my heart was moved, my spirit was moved. In my past experiences, if the Holy Spirit's presence is moving strongly in a place, the way I encounter the Holy Spirit is by shedding tears. I was praying for people and tears kept streaming down my face.<br />
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But besides that, I was praying for a friend and her family in particular that they would encounter God today as well. I was praying that God will provide people whom they already know so that they might go back to church more frequently and that God will change their lives and help them in the issues they are facing.<br />
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When the pastor finished his message, he asked us to close our eyes and imagine ourselves as a 5-year-old child sitting there with God. He asked us to learn to hear from God and of what He desires to do. As we started, he prayed particularly for the removal of distractions and of the removal of evil presences and influences. He was creating or helping to create a "sacred space" for us to encounter God.<br />
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Actually when I first stepped into the auditorium, I already heard God telling me something about the future our my family. At that moment of seeking to hear God's voice, I also heard specific instructions for me in loving my children with His overwhelming love and to love them well. As I went to sit with my friend that I had prayed for in the beginning of the service (or even before we went to church), I started to hear from her of how well she liked being at the church and how her son even had an invitation from his school friend to come to this church.<br />
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Although I've been a Christian for a long time and I have encountered God numerous times (and even on a daily basis), I am still amazed at what He is able to do. I am also still contemplating over this idea of "sacred space".Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-51133908555976558642014-10-29T06:55:00.001-07:002014-10-29T06:55:21.040-07:00hey China woman!this morning when I was coming home after taking An2 to school, a man called out: "hello, China woman... hey, China woman..." I realized that he was calling me so I turned and waved. It was drizzling so I kept going and came home.<br />
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After staying at the hospital for 18 days after Reese's birth, I met a lot of people. Depending on my interaction with them, they would call me by different names. The ladies that I roomed with for many days call me Pauline. One mom whose baby was also sick at the time called me "osofo mami" (pastor's wife). One afternoon I met two little girls who called me "obruni" (white person). With the hospital staff, sometimes they call me "Mrs. Settles", madam, Mrs. Paulina, Akosua's mom (that's Reese's local name), etc. And for the food sellers, I'm their "customer" (they actually call me that sometimes).<br />
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18 days in the hospital allowed me to realize some things about how people label me and address me in cross-cultural context. I'm sure the same is probably true if I were living in America or Taiwan or Asia where there are different labels for me depending on how I dressed and looked to the person... and the point of my blog post: how people address me depends on the degree of intimacy or how much the person knows about me or how we relate to each other. For people who don't really know me and just see me in passing, they just call me by the external appearance. It's just like my short encounter this morning when the man called me "China woman", I felt amused and didn't feel offended or angry because I know 1. English is not this man's native tongue so he wouldn't know that it's offensive; 2. the man doesn't really know me but just sees the exterior and calls me with what he knows in describing or labeling me. It is the same way when people call me "obruni" on the streets. All that the people (or mostly the children) know is that here's a lady who has fair skin and a foreigner. But with time and interaction, even the children in our neighborhood, especially the ones who have visited our house and played with our children, do not call me "obruni" but maybe auntie Pauline or An's mother.<br />
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Besides how others label or call me depending on their knowledge of me, I believe interactions or relationships go both ways. If, being a foreigner/missionary only become offended when people merely address me by what they see externally without approaching them and letting them know who I am (besides just a foreigner or white lady), I would not be able to build relationships and more importantly, let God use me in any way that He desires in the lives of some of these people I encounter while I'm living here (or anywhere in the world for that matter).<br />
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I'm especially touched by the woman who called me "osofo mami" at the hospital. Our encounter started when she and her friend called me "obruni" and chatted with me. But over the few days, she found out that my husband is a pastor or minister (osofo) and so I'm "osofo mami". She didn't take this knowledge lightly because she also wants her baby son to become a "man of God" (and she called him by that name often). She came to me one time and asked Joshua and me to pray for her baby because he didn't seem to be getting much better. I think about a day or two after we prayed for her, her baby son was discharged from the hospital. All glory to God and thank God for the mutual respect, interactions we had during those few days at the hospital.Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-4643969517590205082013-05-04T14:01:00.000-07:002013-05-04T14:01:26.005-07:00clothing design and community relationshiptoday our family got up really early and left our house around 6:30am to go to <a href="http://goo.gl/maps/mYyoF">Winneba</a>, a nearby city (about 69km/43miles away from Accra). we were invited to the handing over ceremony of executive members of <a href="http://www.ghafes.org/nsite/">GHAFES</a>'s <a href="http://www.ghafes.org/nsite/aboutus/snec">SNEC</a> (the Student National Executive Council, i guess kinda like a national students government). since GHAFES is a student-led movement (literally students are in charge and doing stuff that some IV staff in the US do), it's a very important event.<br />
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Ghanaians dress up very nicely for formal occasions. i decided to wear this nice african print, local styled two piece dress. the whole dress is very fitted (when i sit down, i often feel like i can't move very much and have to be very lady-like and pleasant). the top has a zipper in the back. for local women who are nursing their babies, they just ask someone to unzip in the back and proceed to nurse their babies with one side of the top hanging off their shoulder. since i'm also nursing our 6-month old baby, although it feels strange at times to just unzip, i've gotten more used to it. and today as i was unzipping numerous times to nurse the baby (since the event was from 9am-12pm and we left at 6:30am and return around 3:30pm), i was struck with how even clothing design relates to people's sense of community relationships. it's almost impossible to unzip and zip up on your own (i've tried and maybe only succeeded once). you have to rely on someone else's help (usually another woman or relative). i wore this type of dress a few times to church on Sundays. a couple of times when hubby couldn't help me zip up, a woman sitting behind me or a female usher came to help me.<br />
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for a Chinese American woman who has always been very independent and tries to do everything possible without the help of other people, wearing a Ghanaian outfit forces me to have to rely upon other women's help. i suppose this is one of those things that i'm learning from the locals. God has created us as social beings living in communities. i think i have a long way to go before i can let go of my pride in self sufficiency and just embrace the fact that i need other people...Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-21893124974255294852013-01-08T12:42:00.001-08:002013-01-08T12:42:59.733-08:00Delivery experience for my 2nd baby in Accra, Ghana(This might be the longest blog post I've ever written and posted... Started 2 1/2 weeks after delivery and finally finished it 2 months and 1 day after the baby was born...)<br />
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It's been about 2 1/2 weeks since the birth of our second baby. I've been trying to rest and take good care of myself and the baby. It's been very different since Kweku has been so sleepy that I often have to wake him up to nurse. It's also been stressful because I was afraid that he's not taking in enough breast milk for his growth. Unlike An2 who was almost 10lbs when he was born, having a 8lb baby (even though that's also a pretty normal weight for babies, and maybe on the heavier side) is just different. All that is to say I've not really had much time to really sit and reflect on this adventure/process of having a baby in a foreign country. There were so many different (good and bad) things I've experienced this time around. I guess because I had a baby in the U.S., there are definitely many contrasts of how things are done there and here in Ghana. I'm not sure if I'll be able to record down the things I noticed in an organized fashion, but at least I do want to write it down for my own benefit, just to remember all the things that I went through.<br />
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<b>Delivery process </b><br />
Through out this pregnancy, I prayed and asked many others to pray for a normal delivery. I had a C-section last time around because after being in labor for hours, I wasn't fully dilated. When An2 came out, the doctor said the umbilical cord was around his neck and that's why he couldn't come out through vaginal delivery... With Kweku, I had expected that he would be born around 39 weeks just like his older brother but 39 weeks came and went. His due date came and went (40 weeks). I was growing anxious and impatient (it was very uncomfortable since I had contractions on and off during those last weeks). I went to see the doc on Nov 6 and he said if the baby didn't come by the following Monday, we'll have another C-section.<br />
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By early morning of Nov 7 (around 2am), I started to have intense and more regular contractions. Just to make sure that this time it's for real, I time it with an app (because I know hubby would not want to take me to the hospital if I wasn't sure). Thank God real labor started during that time because we left our house around 4am and there was no traffic. (I was also very anxious about Accra traffic if we needed to go to the hospital during the day.) With traffic, it might have taken us 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours. But without traffic, we were there in about 45 minutes. When we got to the hospital, it was very quiet and hubby told the nurse that I'm in labor. The nurse didn't believe him because I seemed very calm (I saw no point to have loud screams or feel like I'm passing out... I just tried to breath through the contractions...) Sure enough, when she finally check to see how dilated I was, I was already 5cm (half way through).<br />
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When we first reached the hospital, the nurse even told us that they have no more rooms available and that we needed to go to another hospital. (The nurse said that they have women sitting on wheelchairs waiting to deliver their babies...if I heard her correctly...) But because of our <a href="http://ghafes.org/index.php">GHAFES</a> connection (a doc with lots of powers and influences), they had to take us in. We still needed to wait to be checked in properly (a young doctor had to go through all my medical history) before I could go to the delivery room. Once they were ready for me, nobody except for the hospital staff can go into the delivery room (not even your family members... and they don't allow men/husbands to be in the delivery room anyway).<br />
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By the time I went in, hubby had to rush back because he was having classes those few weeks. (I suppose it didn't do him or me any good if he had stayed since he couldn't be in there with me. There wasn't any waiting areas there either.) The contractions were intense but still bearable. It was weird hearing other women groaning and moaning in the other rooms but not long after that, I had joined them. When I went in, they were just about to change shift for the staff so it was quiet for a while. Then it seemed like different groups of nurses came in and out (since it was a teaching hospital so some were still going through their training). The doc came periodically to check how I was doing and it seemed like hours had gone by from intense contractions to this feeling that I needed to poop. The nurses were around but they weren't coaching me like I would expect in the U.S.. All I remember now is that they'd ask "how are you doing? do you need anything for your pain?" Last time around I didn't want to take anything for my pain but finally gave in to epidural because I was just too tired and not making any progress. I really wish I didn't need it because I could feel where they poked me months after An2 was born. This time around, I also didn't think I need anything although it was painful, it was bearable (my stubbornness and pride keep me from taking anything for pain).<br />
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What seemed like hours in the delivery room till baby came out was only from 8am to about 12:50pm (almost 5 hours). I only remember the doc came in to check my cervix and breaking the sac. I was sweating till my glasses were foggy (Oh, and I was wearing my own dress the whole time... I didn't change into a hospital gown at all). I was there "pooping" the baby out with groans that An2 makes when he wants to go the bathroom... At different points I thought "why didn't I just have another C-section?" because I was so ready for the baby to pop out. Since the nurses didn't coach me, I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing (they told me to lie on my left side and that's about all). I was so ready for the baby to come out. When it was almost time, I asked the nurse (or mid-wife) if it's possible for me to squat because I really wanted the baby to come out by then. Thankfully a doc came and declared that I was fully dilated. From that point on, everything moved very quickly (except that I needed to move from this bed to the delivery table and it was very painful for me to try to get up and move over). Once I was on that delivery table, the mid-wife asked me to push hard. The first couple of times I was pushing but not "pushing" where I needed to. I think by the 4th of 5th push, I was finally able to push the baby out. I was so happy to hear the baby's cry (I was expecting that cry the whole time I was in labor). I asked if it's a girl (because that's what the ultrasound had indicated) and the nurse giggled and asked me to see for myself... of course the baby turned out to be a boy and for which I'm not a bit upset (somehow I really wanted another boy and if God willing, the third child will be a girl if we have a third child). After they sew me up because of some tearing and cleaned up the baby, we were left alone in the delivery room.<br />
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<b>Essential thing to bring to the hospital</b><br />
When I was going to the Legon university hospital for my ante-natal check ups, I received a check list of things to bring with me to the hospital. The list includes (from my memory since I don't have that piece of paper anymore): for mom--2 old cloth, macintosh rubber, night gown, 2 pairs of surgical gloves, 1 large bottle of savlon, 1 small bottle of savlon, 1 large enema pump, 2 packets of feminine towels, 1 packet of cotton, toiletries (soap, toothbrush, etc.) cup, plate, bowl, spoon; for baby--10 cot sheets, 2 safety pins, milo & milk powder, 1 small enema pump, soap for baby, baby gown (for going home), 10 old cloth, etc... (I can't quite remember the rest)<br />
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In preparation to the delivery, I asked our house help (a local girl) to go out and buy these things. since she's young and hasn't helped anyone with their deliveries, she was confused as to what some of these things are and why would we need these things for delivery. But she tried her best and bought most of the stuff. We packed them into the suitcase that we brought to the hospital. It was only after we checked in for delivery, then I started to understand why they need some of these things...<br />
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I guess in contrast to how hospitals operate in the U.S., most things are provided for you. Of course most things are probably charged to your insurance or the government (in case someone can't pay for it on their own). Here... the hospital do provide some things but in comparison, very minimal. As you can tell from the next part regarding to checking out from the hospital, bringing things like our own bowl and soap or antiseptic solutions, it definitely cuts down costs.<br />
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Besides the list of things to bring, one interesting cross-cultural experience occurred when they were going to give the baby his first bath. About 2-4 nurses came into the room at different points of time because I didn't have all that they required to bathe the baby. They asked for baby oil (which I wouldn't think about using), a new baby gown, sponge (it's a sheet of unfolded body wash sponge), soft towel... I had a normal adult sized bath towel, small wash cloth, Johnson & Johnson baby soap with baby oil. I told the nurses just put him back into the shirt he was in and they looked at me with a lot of uneasiness. They also were discussing in Twi for a while as to what to do with me and my limited "stuff". Finally, they told me to just pay for a set of these things that they sell downstairs so they can wash the baby properly... I'm still curious as to why they really absolutely needed some of these things. I need to ask some people to find out...<br />
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<b>Checking out of the hospital</b><br />
One of the scary thing about checking out of the hospital in the U.S. was that nobody provided me with an itemized bill. Although we have insurance and I know that most of it will be paid for, I wasn't sure how would we be able to trust the hospital to bill exactly the things that I used or needed during my stay at the hospital. (or do they just have some kind of standard way of charging different types of patients?)<br />
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Here in Ghana, since we are not on the National Health Insurance Scheme (NHIS), we paid everything out of pocket. The hospital makes it very clear when we are there of this fact. We were told prior to delivery that if it was a normal delivery, it might cost us about GH$300 (which is about US$150) and if I had a c-section, it might be about GH$1,000 (US$500). And the nice room at the hospital would cost us GH$40 a night (including three meals). At the time of check-out, a man brought the itemized bill. It was very clear as to what was used for the different parts of the delivery (things like gloves, IV drips, etc.). Everything was reasonable (a little bit like paying at a restaurant looking at exactly what you ordered). With the normal delivery, we had to pay about the amount estimated. Nothing fancy like the U.S.... probably why our health care in the U.S. costs so much more...<br />
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<b>Sense of community (receiving help from others at the hospital)</b><br />
I've experienced this ever since I started to go to the ante-natal clinic for regular check ups. Obviously I stick out as a sore thumb since i'm not local and I'm "white". I don't speak Twi (the common local language, which they use in a lot of the communication to these pregnant women). I often seem clueless when I went for the check ups (which I was). There often was a leader type woman who would help me with some instructions as to where to go or what to do next.<br />
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When I was staying at the hospital after delivery, I was in a nice room (with air-con and television) that accommodated three people. For that night we stayed in the hospital, there was only one other woman in the room with us (baby and me). Around 4am (the time most people get up), I saw that she seems to be getting ready for bath. Not long after, a nurse came in with some water for her and asked me if I wanted to bath. Right away the nurse asked, where is your bucket. I said I didn't bring one (I didn't know that I needed one). She also asked if I have other things I need to bathe. So the woman staying in the same room was very nice and offered me to borrow her bucket to bathe. That is just one example of the help this woman provided. She also lent me her cloth (so it's easier to get in and out of the common shower rooms without carrying too many things). When her mother came to visit her with some local maize porridge, she offered me a bowl. My cellphone battery was low. She borrowed a charger to help me charge my battery. When I wasn't sure where to take my bowl to get it washed after lunch, she asked a friend from the hospital to wash it for me. Prior to the delivery, I had prayed along with our house help that I will encounter angels at the hospital. Sure enough, God sent a wonderful roommate for a day to provide all the help that I needed that day.<br />
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Well, so here you are... my first hand experience of giving birth to a baby in Accra, Ghana as an Asian American woman who already had one baby in the U.S.. I wish I can make it more concise or vivid but this will do for now...Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-81287930304237955382013-01-08T06:05:00.003-08:002013-01-08T06:05:22.118-08:002013 expectations(what i wrote on Jan 3, 2013)<br />
the church has called a fast for these first days of the year. i looked at the prayer pointers today and one thing mentioned is "remind God of your expectations and write it out". i thought that's interesting. what might my expectations of God be for 2013?<br />
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it seems that we usually ask "what does God expect of me in this new year?" but not very often have i heard "what do i expect from God this year?" so as i thought of it, the first thing that came to my mind is that i want to see the fruits of my labor from years before. for the year i served in burma because God called me to encourage the students... the years i served the mainland chinese grad students by organizing an English speaking corner because i saw the need to share life and the Gospel with this group of people...<br />
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when i labored, i didn't "see" the fruits... just one teacher came to Christ that year in burma and who knows where the kids are spiritually in their lives. there were a few ESC students going to church but i'm also not sure if any of them became Christians.<br />
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(the following was edited on Jan 8...)<br />
besides that, i would like to sharpen my "kraft" this year... that is to improve my public speaking skills and also sharpen my knowledge in ethnomusicology. i know that God provided opportunities for me to study and obtain a degree and He will use those investments some time in the future. in the mean time, i should prepare myself so that when the right time comes, i'm ready.Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-36727154748440196162011-12-14T20:21:00.001-08:002011-12-14T20:21:26.876-08:00Photo Card<div class="sflyProductPreviewWidget" style="width:425px; height:494px;"><div class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetTop" style="height:6px; background-image:url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/top.gif);"></div><div class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetCenter" style="height:482px; padding: 0 6px 0 6px; background-image:url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/bg.gif); 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Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-34389608345420904832011-04-23T09:40:00.000-07:002011-04-23T11:01:33.730-07:00The Passion of the Christ and pregnancylast night at <a href="http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=168327402645&v=wall">UCHC</a> we went to the Good Friday service and husband was presiding and speaking (one of the 7 last words of Christ). before he preached, he started to call names of people and asking them to go up and share. of course he didn't mention it ahead of time that he was going to do that to me. but he did. usually i would be pretty nervous about this kind of last minute stuff especially up on the stage in front of people. but maybe because i've seen how it's done very frequently at the Pentecostal churches, i was rather calm about it. i didn't hear or he didn't say what he wanted me to do so i was sitting there thinking about what i will say or sing (because it could be either one of those things). as i thought about what i might share with the people, the images of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0335345/">The Passion of The Christ</a> came into my mind. we watched part of it the other night since it was on TV. i think because i am pregnant and expecting a son, the scenes where they focused on Jesus and His mother, Mary's relationship drew out a lesson that i've not thought much about.<div><br /></div><div>the movie was done from a Catholic angle of the Passion (or suffering) of the Christ. focusing on Jesus's eye contact exchanges with His mother, it gave me a sense that a part of how Jesus was able to continue on His journey of suffering was because His mother was there and silently supporting Him to completing the task that He was given. but it never occurred to me of the <b><i>suffering of Jesus's mother</i></b> during the process until the other night when i was watching it. as a pregnant woman, carrying a child for 9 months, raising the child to her best abilities, who would want to see their child suffer? yet Jesus's mother, Mary did not protest or fight like Peter did in <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+16:21-23&version=NIV">Matthew 16:21-23</a>. she was obviously in pain and yet it's almost like she knew that Jesus's suffering was necessary. it was the purpose of why He came into the world.</div><div><br /></div><div>although i've known that in being obedient to God, not only do we need to pay the price but the people around us also need to pay the price along with us. still, to endure the kind of suffering Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to endure, it seems rather cruel and harsh. it made me think about all those times when i went on short-term missions trips especially those in very rural, non-contactable areas. i knew that my mother (or parents) had to suffer to some extend because of my obedience to follow God's call in my life. i always pray before and during the trips that God will watch over my family and bring the "<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+4:7&version=NIV">peace beyond all understanding</a>" to them (which He always did). but this is just one of the realities or the price to pay in being obedient to God and following Him.</div><div><br /></div><div>maybe it makes the Christian walk harder. yet maybe the thought of how this community around us (or Body of Christ) is so necessary even when it comes to being obedient to what God calls us to do. and maybe it's also in the community or the Body's support (along with God and His Spirit's enablement) that we can continue to carry on this Christian journey.</div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-22420300127257380032011-01-01T19:01:00.001-08:002011-01-01T21:11:24.895-08:00on being thankfullast night we said goodbye to 2010 and ushered in the new year, 2011. it was unlike any new year's eve that i've experienced because hubby's brother david invited hubby to preach at his church. as i told my sister about this, it seemed like an unusual idea. but i remembered that our dad used to organize watch night prayer meetings during his years as senior pastor at <a href="http://accc.org/">ACCC</a>. somehow we, as "kids", never joined my parents for these prayer meetings. on contrast, both hubby and his brother recounted how they have <i><b>always</b></i> spent their new year's eve at the church. so it's another family tradition that i'm introduced to.<div><br /></div><div>the service started at 10pm with worship. it's a cosy apostolic pentecostal church attended by Black families in the area. brother David led the worship time through singing while nephew Darius and other church kids played drums and bass. there was no powerpoint slides of the songs being sung and David just led from one song to another. but the lyrics were easy enough for everyone to follow. and i felt like i've not worshipped like that for a long time... although the gospel-y/jazzy beats and accompaniment of the songs were different from what i am used to, the songs are still the same--i <i>exalt Thee</i>, <i>i love You Lord</i>, etc.</div><div><br /></div><div>the service went on till almost 2am with testimonies, prayers, praise dance, inspirational reading, my hubby's awesome preaching, and of course lots of shouting, running around, and impromptu dancing. all the usual elements of a Black pentecostal service (of what i've observed so far in the short few months). but one thing that brother David emphasized through out was giving thanks for what the Lord has done in 2010 (along with praising God despite the good and the bad). although i didn't stand up to "<a href="http://elderj.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/somebody-ought-to-testify/">testify</a>" of the Lord's goodness (maybe my brain doesn't work that fast to think of exactly what all i am thankful for and to formulate them into eloquent words like all the Black brothers and sisters were doing). but through out the service, the ride home, and especially hubby's sermon from the book of Ruth talking about positioning oneself at the right time, right place, with the right people and right attitude, 2010 has been that year where i have been rewarded or blessed of my years of being at the right time, right place, right people and right attitude (well, the the Lord had to adjust that last part and worked on it over the course of 10-15 years). mainly the blessing of meeting a wonderful man, developing a friendship/romantic relationship, leading to being married, and now expecting a new life in June. these have been the prayers and the deepest longing of my heart in the last 10-15 years. somehow my season with all the tears, prayers and conversations over meals that went into preparing, hoping and struggling has suddenly ended. i have entered into a new season (just like the lyrics of the song <i>New Season</i> by Israel Houghton). </div><div><br /></div><div>and the blessing is not only in the man i married but also of the family he comes from and belongs to. although it's been a big adjustment to move away from my family and familiar surroundings, the Settles have made me feel very, well... "settled" :p. i have to say there are still lots about the Reese/Settles family history and stories that i need to learn (not to mention which cousin is whose child and how so and so relates to so and so). there are lots about the church traditions and customs that are far different from what i grew up with. there are also lots of other bigger overall Black societal issues that i didn't have to think about or deal with but now that i'm a part of. i want to embrace all these new things with an open mind and open heart (and heartache at times). </div><div><br /></div><div>but God has definitely outdone Himself again in 2010 especially in my life. i am still grateful of old friends and family who have endured me all these years, but also thankful for the new beginning and a new family God has brought me into. there are many more other things that i should also be thankful for but it might take too long for me to think through and list them down. so here i "testify" of God's goodness and hope it will encourage you no matter where you are in your journey or struggles in that deepest desire of your heart. i am also too scared to say He will do exactly what He has done for me. but i do know He knows the best time, best place, best way, best gift, best blessing for you. only if you would trust Him and let Him lead the way. </div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-16709092247018779492010-08-18T12:46:00.000-07:002010-08-18T12:59:21.946-07:00it takes a village to raise a child...it takes a village to raise a child and apparently the family of Christ to make a wedding happen<div><br /></div><div>i was thinking this morning that weddings seem to be about the bride, the dress, the groom, flowers, music, gifts, etc... of course there are people involved but i never realized how many people it required</div><div><br /></div><div>in the past couple of weeks, my older sister who is my wedding coordinator has been busy calling different people figuring out the various details and arrangements. then she would call me asking if i know this and that... also creating a list of things that i need to do. never in my life am i actually glad to have my big sister calling me and making sure that i am doing this and that. (i just didn't like having somebody telling me all the things that i need to do)</div><div><br /></div><div>besides my big sister, my mom and dad have also been calling various church members from Atlanta Chinese Christian Church (ACCC, where the wedding will take place and where i spent 10 meaningful years of my life growing and maturing). people have been responding and asking how they can help with tremendous zeal and helpfulness. it is a wedding between two poor full-time ministry workers who come from two full-time ministers' homes. (basically we just don't have much money....) so we really depend on whatever help people can offer us.</div><div><br /></div><div>actually now i think about it, people have been offering lots of help ever since they heard of the good news. i've gotten A LOT of help from one of my best friends, wei wei, along with my younger sister, jennier c. and many others. </div><div><br /></div><div>this wedding is definitely not a casual, simple thing. it's the result of people's love, time, energy, money, poured out. and i'm very grateful. </div><div><br /></div><div>i am looking forward to the big day not just because it's going to be life changing, but also knowing that it's the celebration of many good friends, family, and the Body of Christ coming together.</div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-54242360756682416612010-07-03T12:23:00.000-07:002010-07-03T15:53:45.372-07:00step into the unknownone of my favorite things for summer time in LA is the outdoor concerts at the Hollywood Bowl. it's even more awesome when fireworks are involved (it's the July 4th weekend afterall). Besides the music, the ambience, the exciting picnic food possibilities, there is also the time to sit, to talk with friends and family (we spend too much time in front of the tv, computers, and our phones... well, i am guilty as charged if not the queen of doing all of the above)... <div><br /></div><div>so...</div><div><br /></div><div>last night in the midst of the conversation, my friend commented on my recent turning of events, in getting married in september, moving across the country in a month's time, to become a part of a wonderful southern Black family that can be pretty different from my own Chinese family, and whatever is to come in becoming a wife, a mother, and hopefully a good support for a wonderful man in what God has called him to be and do... all of that as being brave and daring. so i told her "well, it's how God's been leading all my life. it just doesn't seem different this time around".</div><div><br /></div><div>but later as i thought about it more, although J and i have not known each other for a long time, we've been able to become close if not best friends in sharing and being able to cheer each other on for the challenges in our lives. it is not hard to pour my life and trust my future into J just because of who he is (and that's through my own judgement, comments from close friends to both of us, and also new friends that i've gotten to know because of him, plus his family members)...</div><div><br /></div><div>and the thing that i keep coming back (besides what i've written above) is the fact that all my life, i know that God is the One that has been watching over, leading every step, every move that i've made from taiwan to atlanta to burma to singapore to LA... and wherever else He is taking me (and us in the future). there were some hardships along the way, life issues that i have faced. and for some things, i need more work on. BUT, He has been great. it is not scary to go forward. it is not my own bravery or adventurous spirit (i might have some of that but like my name, Pauline, i often feel little and timid of doing even some simple things in daily life). it's just like knowing how J is and trusting that things will be ok. knowing God through out the years also requires that i would trust Him more and more. i think He makes it easy.</div><div><br /></div><div>so how stepping into the unknown will turn out really depends on whom you are walking with and whom do you trust in leading you into the unknown...</div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-89776866165730137052010-05-21T18:58:00.000-07:002010-05-22T14:41:24.236-07:00to be married offso i've also just come back from spending some extended time with Joshua and his family, particularly his dad since i stayed at his place for about a week. before i met Bishop Settles (Joshua's dad), i already heard Joshua describe what kind of man he is. i think it was back in January, after my first visit that he wrote on my facebook something to the effect of welcoming me as his future daughter-in-law (before there was any formal proposal, chinese or american ways). and so for this visit, i had the opportunity to spend some mornings with him just to chat over coffee and his really delicious apple raisin oatmeal.<div><br /></div><div>ever since i got to know Joshua, i have been learning about the struggles and the painful history for the Black Americans. somehow the high school and colleges i went to never taught me this part of the american history. before i met Joshua's dad, i was thinking that i'll ask him about his experiences as a Black American thru his childhood, Civil rights movement, etc. but as the two of us sat down over breakfast, our conversations did not revolve around some historic incidents or experiences but just common, everyday, life kinda stuff. so i found out that we both love to desserts, have dealt with people problems within the church, and for me to hear stories of Joshua growing up as a child and of his marriage with his late wife. it wasn't about my Chinese past and his Black American experiences. it was about us being people with families, as ministers of God to His people.</div><div><br /></div><div>after my 3-week trip, i'm home and i've been sick. i just haven't had much time to share with my parents of my experience in the past three weeks. so when i did talk to my mom briefly over dinner the other night, there were a lot of concerns and worries. it's as if getting married to a wonderful man and family who happen to be "Black" is a disease that requires lots of caution and maybe even some vaccination shots. (ok... maybe that's a little bit too exaggerated but it sure doesn't make me feel like i'm being trusted for my decision to marry this Black Southern American man) </div><div><br /></div><div>in the past few months it did occur to me that although i've been very exposed to various peoples and cultures, lived in very rural mountainous areas of SE asia, grew up in "the south" and feeling rather southern at times, felt thoroughly welcomed by Joshua's family and friends, all these experiences are "mine" until i share as much of my experiences with my parents for them to understand how amazingly at home i've felt in the past three weeks.</div><div><br /></div><div>i suppose i am being "married off" since i'm a girl and will be moving across country, joining my new family, learning Black, southern culture... i suppose my parents feel like they are losing me to "the unknown" and maybe even into a very scary "Black" family. but so far in my own experiences, i'd have to say i'm sooooooooo looking forward to this new chapter of my life, in learning, failing, love and hate my life at the same time... i do believe our skin color affected our life experiences but i've found lots of similarities just by being human. and if history has proven of God's faithfulness and goodness in my life, i don't see how this would be any different from before. i've lived in a couple of foreign country for years knowing very little about those places and ended up loving those peoples. i don't think it will always be easy but it will be good. it will be good not just because i know the Settles will be good to me, but also that God is good and faithful.</div><div><br /></div><div>mom and dad, i guess i'll try harder to help you get a glimpse of how good my world is. and i pray that you will trust God and His leading. His "good, perfect and pleasing" will for my life and future.</div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-87681045773818295172010-05-21T18:57:00.000-07:002010-05-21T23:09:30.859-07:00worship "team": learning about worship in communityjust came back on a trip where i spent 2 weeks as a volunteer at the Southeast regional InterVarsity's chapter camp. well, so it happens that Joshua was the worship leader/coordinator for the first week where we did a mix of traditional hymns, hillsong songs, and of course several gospel pieces. i wasn't supposed to play (keyboard) for the 2nd week but was asked and i more than gladly accepted. <div><br /></div><div>i have to say that both weeks brought challenges but of different kinds. in the past 10 years or so of my worship leading/playing/singing experiences, it's always been songs that i have chosen or with styles or chord progressions that are very familiar to my fingers. but not these 2 weeks. i've always wanted to learn how to play gospel style and/or jazz style songs but never had the discipline to see it through. so it's come back to bite me. our team came together after a couple of days and i was able to hide my poor keyboard skills because every team member was talented. i was very grateful that one night when i couldn't play the intro to <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx_vdEZQnBc">Grateful</a></i> that the flautist, bassist, and drummer covered me. it was especially painful to disappoint Joshua, my dear friend, future husband and worship leader because the gospel pieces really depended on my playing. but i learned to accept my limitations and will improve upon it in the months to come.</div><div><br /></div><div>week 2 was a different beast altogether. we did many songs by Jesus Culture (something like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc&NR=1">Your Love Never Fails</a>). basically the style of the songs were more rock, which is something almost entirely unfamiliar to me (esp. in terms of how the keyboard functions in a band). on top of that, it's also an entirely different team dynamics because half of the people on the team come from the same area and have been working together for a certain amount of time. i think it's always hard when there are established relationships in a group and you are supposed to become the same team within a short time. i have to say that it was a little disheartening to me. basically i felt like a failure all through out those few nights playing for worship. </div><div><br /></div><div>but here is the irony. multiple people came up to me during the 2nd week and told me how good i played. i received their compliments with a smile and sometimes doing the chinese thing by saying: "nah, it wasn't really anything..." but with more than just one person who came up to me, it made me think harder as to why people were complimenting me. </div><div><br /></div><div>maybe after a couple of days it dawned on me... it wasn't my playing but it was my contribution to the overall sound of the team that made it good. (because it's hard to think playing the same 4 chords thru out an entire song is that difficult to do... hahaha) this is something that i've not really experienced much. i think <b><i>i've always been the one-woman show but this time around i was "one part" of the team and not "the team"</i></b>. it was certainly very humbling and maybe a hard lesson to learn because i needed to trust that the other excellent musicians and i could compliment each other in creating music that might help people enter into worshipping God.</div><div><br /></div><div>i guess i will always have more to learn and grow from...</div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-7773139059188313212010-04-03T23:04:00.000-07:002010-04-03T23:33:45.277-07:00processwith the wedding preparation on the way, there are many new experiences and thoughts that come with it. i've been thinking about the process of preparation, particularly for the wedding itself.<div><br /></div><div>i've recently told someone that i would rather focus on preparing to build a new life instead of focusing on the wedding itself... because the wedding is only one day but being married is "till death do us part". i guess both J and i are rather practical people, plus we are poor (well, full-time Christian workers seem to have a better witness if we don't have money... hmm...). growing up as a little girl, unlike many others, i've not really dreamed of how my wedding will be or what place or what dress or what music will be at the wedding. with all these years of waiting for the right person, maybe i've also grown weary thinking about even the possibility of getting married. when J and i first decided to officially date, he did ask me what i might want in a wedding. i think i thought briefly and do have some ideas... but not as elaborate as some others would think and dream of.</div><div><br /></div><div>so with the wedding prep underway, i've been receiving various advices for and questions about the wedding. i'm very thankful that i have very good friends, sisters, mother's friends, who are more than willing to chip in and contribute. so many of them think of things that i haven't thought about. (i guess this is where the but comes in) but... it can be rather confusing and stressful at times because J and i just want simple but simple might be interpreted as "cheap" or "not proper". i think sometimes i just want to skip over all this preparation "process" and just be married and go on with our life together.</div><div><br /></div><div>but then i start to realize the necessity of having this process and having to go through all the "trouble". time does allow certain things or issues to surface no matter if it's good or bad. going through the process with all the stresses and ideas, i'm learning about the people around me that i wouldn't otherwise have a chance to know. i'm learning about myself in ways that i've not experienced before. and i think this process also makes me grateful because God is at work in my life and stretching me again. i have to go back to His Word, get on my knees so that i would be able to find peace and be at rest in His arms again.</div><div><br /></div><div>i suppose God stretches people through different circumstances, opportunities, and stresses. and somehow His intention is "<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=rom%208:28&version=NIV">good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purposes</a>". and so going thru the process is only necessary</div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-77049216355288714812010-03-21T21:40:00.000-07:002010-03-22T15:26:26.086-07:00engaged??!!<div>my family and friends know that i've prayed for marriage and family for a long time (maybe for about 10-15 years?). and they have also been praying for a long time. it has been a rather long and tiring journey filled with weird and interesting stories. </div><div><br /></div><div>when i met joshua last year, everything suddenly seemed to move rather quickly for our relationship. but it wasn't at a pace that seemed too fast for the both of us. i guess after 10-15 years of waiting, my time has reached its fullness.</div><div><br /></div><div>so even after our first meeting in person back in Nov, we've talked about a timeline of how things might work out in our relationship. at the time, it seemed reasonable. it was with the considerations of joshua's work schedule requirements (he's taking a team to Ghana this summer for missions), my studies (almost done with my DMiss degree at Fuller), our age and desire to have children (he wants quite a few and i love kids too), and also a reasonable adjustment period for our families. i had also wanted my uncle to marry us, and since he's a very busy man, we've tentatively set a date for our wedding on Sept 11, 2010. </div><div><br /></div><div>so joshua's visit was a determining point or a point of confirmation for whether we'll continue to follow the timeline we've discussed previously or not. as far as i know, joshua has been <b><i>much more</i></b> than i can ever imagine as a suitable future husband and father of my children. i had no doubt that we would make a good couple and family especially in serving the Lord and (hopefully) bringing glory to our mighty God and King. </div><div><br /></div><div>and as i had thought, his visit went very well. i was especially appreciative of his willingness to accommodate and learn about chinese culture and ways of doing things... to at least try the different foods (like sea cucumber and chicken feet) and say "ya, that's pretty tasty". to preach at my church and get the approval of my current church family, to endure the stare from random chinese people walking down the streets of alhambra or even getting some impolite treatment at this chinese grocery store. to spend time with me and my family even when he has a million things to take care of related to his job.</div><div><br /></div><div>so ya, we are engaged (in a very chinese, community, family kinda way instead of the american, individualistic kind of way), and have started to prepare for our wedding in sept and our life together. (to say those words together in a sentence still seems rather surreal to me.) </div><div><br /></div>(here's his rather humorous version of our engagement and future plans... <a href="http://elderj.wordpress.com/2010/03/21/on-engagement-rings-oreos-and-impromptu-parties/">On Engagement Rings, Oreos, and Impromptu Parties</a>)<div><br /></div><div>i am thoroughly grateful... to God, our families, friends because of all the prayers, words of encouragement, good advices, willingness to chip in and help for the wedding prep. i'm grateful for God's design, good timing, perfect will that i can truly testify now.</div><div><br /></div><div>really... thank you all who have prayed along the way, who have been by my side when things didn't work out, with the tears and frustrations... and for those who are still waiting on God's good design and plan, i'll be praying for you and trust that He has the best in mind for you as well. :)<br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-45698691497185120392010-03-02T10:08:00.000-08:002010-03-02T14:02:19.420-08:00God is the God of China and all creationone of the reasons why i really enjoy talking to my beau, Joshua, is that we can be just talking about random things in our lives and somehow come up with really cool missiology or theological insights... <div><br /></div><div>this morning we had an awesome conversation. i thought it's worth blogging about since it was sorta my idea and he made it better :D:D:D</div><div><br /></div><div>somewhere in the conversation, i said:</div><div><br /></div><div>"God is the God of China and all creation"</div><div><br /></div><div>i said that because of a small observation i made from the conference we had this past weekend (the <a href="http://missionprayercamp.org/">Missions Prayer Conferen</a>ce in LA). during the first night's worship, we sang <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q8ESzK5pCw&feature=related">How Great Thou Art</a></i>. since the conference was conducted in mandarin, naturally the powerpoint slides were all presented in chinese. but what was interesting (no matter if it was intentional or not), is that the background of the slides that might look something like <a href="http://www.easytourchina.com/china-photos/Huangshan/Yellow-Mountain/images/Cloud%20on%20Yellow%20Mountain.jpg">this</a>. when looking at these kinds of images, it just communicates "China" or chinese... it's pretty amazing of how God made mountains, trees, and the fogs in a certain way. when looking at the exact combination of what that scenery looks like, it just says "china"... </div><div><br /></div><div>usually when we sing How Great Thou Art, people talk about the beauties of creation, the Grand Canyon or the Niagara Falls, which are all awesome creations that give us a sense of... well... awe. God also made the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Huang">Yellow Mountains</a> or the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_Forest">Stone Forest</a> of China. </div><div><br /></div><div>here's where Joshua made this whole discussion even more meaningful... when he commented on how amazing "God is the God of China and all creation", i understood the deeper implication of what i said. God is both specific and general in how He relates to people. when i said that God is the God of China, it means that <b>He's very specific in creating the people, culture, and even the sceneries are that uniquely Chinese.</b> yet at the same time, He is general in that <b>He made ALL things because He rules over ALL</b>! </div><div><br /></div><div>sometimes we tend to generalize the fact that we are all christians and we are all the same but in turn might reflect the fact that we have lost our unique identity as an individual and even a cultural group. it is important for those of us who believe in God and follow Jesus to see that we belong to ONE Lord. but at the same time, it is also important for us to appreciate who we are as individuals and cultures in our contribution to making that ONE richer and more complete. if we do not know who we are or the unique contribution we can offer from our culture, how are we to contribute to the whole of the Body of Christ?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-10217358972292021822009-12-12T18:40:00.000-08:002009-12-12T19:47:34.645-08:00what will happen to them?with hand gestures, muffled voice, heavy cigarette smoke breath, tangled hair, and grey blue-ish eyes, this white lady talked to me for maybe 5 minutes. she gestured upward as if she's pointing to God. she made a circle around her stomach area and said something about "surgeries", "train ride" "washington DC"... and tried to give me fist bumps or some secret hand shake. i just nodded and looked into her eyes. at the end, i said, "God bless you" and that's about all i could say or do. she hugged me.<br /><br />another encounter was this little black girl just walked up to me and said "i spilled on my jacket". (she was the cutest thing) i saw some paper towels sitting on top of an old laundry machine and started to try to soak up the stain. i said, "you got to be careful with the drink." while she was still holding on to that cup of hot cocoa or something that they were giving out along with the meals. she then said to me, "i think we need to go to the bathroom and wash it off." so we went into the bathroom. i took some more paper towels and wet it with water and started to wipe her yellow hoddie. then she said, "my mom will wash it later." then we went back to where i was standing. she ran to her mom along with her 2 other siblings while the mother was still trying to grab more shirts or pants or blankets. i think the mom said "get into the car" as they were about to leave...<br /><br />before i met with our church people at one pastor's house this morning, i told myself "i'm going to learn from these people today, to try to love them and respect them as God's precious creations." i think all 30 some people went were rather nervous because it's an environment and people very unfamiliar to us. we drive nice, big vans and live in nice big houses. we have warm clothes and can choose anything we wish to eat. the only worry is "will i get fat?" or "is this healthy for me?" i think i am no different from the rest of the group.<br /><br />coming away i kept wondering how will they survive this rare and harsh cold LA rain? with no shelters, their clothes or blankets will be wet. i think experiences like this always leave me feeling very helpless. i honestly can't say that we made a huge difference with the few hours of our lives pretending that maybe even doing this once every three months will be enough. maybe it's also one of my excuses for not doing anything with the homeless regularly because i just don't want to walk away feeling helpless all the time.<br /><br />(despite the mental knowledge that God is all powerful and He can do something about it if people would go to Him and if He chooses to change their lives)<br /><br />it did remind me of those days sharing with the villagers (the women, children, and elderly folks) in the mountains of thai-myanmar border about God's promises to bless His people. it was a rather ironic scene and experience for me back then. although at the end of that one year, i did hear of what God has done in helping the villagers thru another missionary.<br /><br />but still, i wonder what will happen to the faces i saw today... what will happen to the lady who was trying so hard to communicate her pain to me? what will happen to the little girl who spilled hot cocoa on her yellow hoodie? and all the others...Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-36561828965710874462009-12-03T10:17:00.000-08:002009-12-03T12:46:18.221-08:00jumping on the bandwagon (that might have left already)Thanks to <a href="http://elderj.wordpress.com/">elderj</a> and <a href="http://nextgenerasianchurch.com/">David Park</a> and various newly acquainted AA (Asian American) friends, I've recently been exposed to the "Deadly Viper" controversy (which should be more or less over by now)... but I think the discussions about culture, race and Christianity continue<br /><br />Just had some thoughts this morning that I'd like to share...<br /><br />So far, it seems that the AA community involved (or those who are sympathetic and understanding) feel rather cheated by the turn of events. Because even with the book being pulled off the shelf and an official apology from Zondervan, it's like merely throwing a small rock in the ocean. There's no big change in the bigger American Christian community.<br /><br />So here's my thought... If we (AA) are trying to educate the non-AAs on our culture and background, how about some more proactive actions?<br /><br />It's true that images of Kungfu fighting (or movies, TV series) are a tiny bit of what the Asian culture is all about. Why not take it a step further? Take it as an opportunity to take people further into our own cultural background and things that we are proud of. (maybe we need more people in the media and entertainment business to create more opportunities? and of course more interpersonal interactions?)<br /><br />But as a 1.5 Gen Chinese-American, I am not quite sure what all I can present to those non-Chinese as to the pride of my cultural background and what it's all about. As I've started to research and explore this complex subject, hopefully I'll have more to offer in the days to come.Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-10575989446662754202009-11-30T14:39:00.000-08:002009-11-30T15:18:14.464-08:00receiving grace<span style="font-style: italic;">"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." </span><br />James 1:17 (NIV)<br /><br />This is a verse that I've memorized many many years ago. Over the last 10-15 years, it has been a struggle to try to understand what it means in the context of my desire for relationship, marriage, and family. I struggled wondering if I would be able to fully comprehend what this means and just accept a biblical truth by faith even when there's not even any glimpse or possibilities on the horizon.<br /><br />Well, I would have never imagined that God in His good timing would bring someone so wonderful into my life. In the past 2 1/2 months, it has been a rather surreal experience. I still want to pinch myself and make sure that I'm not dreaming. Joshua has been all that and more of what I would ask for in a man. I think it is interesting of how when so many friends and family in our lives are rejoicing and celebrating the fact that God has given us someone new and wonderful. It just seems hard to fully receive this "good and perfect gift" from God.<br /><br />Maybe this is why it is so hard for people to grasp how grace and salvation and be freely given... if I can't even just rejoice and enjoy the "good and perfect gift" from God that's in a form of a wonderful man.<br /><br />but I'm coming around to it... in receiving... in rejoicing... and giving thanks....Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-61791530615174070452009-10-04T09:30:00.000-07:002009-10-04T09:40:25.637-07:00i'm blessed<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipLe4wDzK7BkKOgGsR6bC4ljL4GGmOszrQZnVoKm_GsidP1aEzoX32oFJpjPxA2MbsPdb4_2W2eIsJVIJL9qCLUJPgcvgK8q6SMfZqwHnbMSU51Eo_7Ixb5qV5bzFUotAuwhCE7A/s1600-h/IMG_0355.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipLe4wDzK7BkKOgGsR6bC4ljL4GGmOszrQZnVoKm_GsidP1aEzoX32oFJpjPxA2MbsPdb4_2W2eIsJVIJL9qCLUJPgcvgK8q6SMfZqwHnbMSU51Eo_7Ixb5qV5bzFUotAuwhCE7A/s320/IMG_0355.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5388784696685258498" border="0" /></a>many months ago when i planned my asia trip, i think i was pretty greedy because i wanted to try to see as many of my friends and spend as much time with them as possible.<br /><br />in the past 2 1/2 days, i already feel very blessed by g, ey, and yl who went all the way to KL to meet me and spend time with me and pampering me. i was sitting there at this fancy lunch today thinking... "what did i do to deserve friendships like this?" so when they brought out the very pretty strawberry cake, i made a wish. and i told them... "i wish that our friendship will last for a long time and that all of you will be happy in life as well."<br /><br />and it's not just these three friends who not only made my birthday and life special, but all of you as well.<br /><br />and this is only the beginning of my trip. i know that i'm going to continue to be blessed and pampered by many of you.<br /><br />from the depths of my heart. thank you.Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-52933184397276470712009-09-09T20:47:00.000-07:002009-09-09T21:08:41.943-07:00Fearless by Max LucadoThanks to twitter, I got the news that Thomas Nelson publishing company was giving away free copies of Max Lucado's newest book <span style="font-style: italic;">Fearless</span>. But since I was too late in getting the initial hundreds of copies, I found out that I can also get a free copy by agreeing to blog about the book after I've read it... (you can find more info from <a href="http://brb.thomasnelson.com/">here</a>)<br /><br />so here goes...<br /><br />Just like the previous books that I've read by Max Lucado, this is another insightful and interesting read. Max addresses our fears encountering the economic crisis, daily news of disasters and wars, and those closer to home anxieties over our loved ones, our own life, diseases, inadequacies and future. Max is an excellent story teller using various perspectives that grippes my attention through out the book. But I appreciate how he makes the Bible verses, stories come to life in using today's terms or parallels. He also gives us practical steps to take in confronting fears.<br /><br />I think growing up, I wanted to make sure that I can overcome my fears by doing exactly what I fear. But over the years, with more experiences in life, it's becoming harder for me to overcome my fears. This book is a good reminder that although I might feel powerless in confronting my fears like before, what is most important is that I know who God and Jesus is and what He is capable of doing (and even what He has done in the past through out history). By soaking myself in His Word and His promises, getting to know Him more, rely upon Him more, pray more, being involved with the Body of Christ... all the basics of Christian living, that IS how we can confront fears and overcoming them.<br /><br />I definitely recommend this book to everyone out there. I think even though I've finished the book, I'll go back to it time after time to just find some encouragement and hope facing the fears in my life.Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-18999043246321975542009-04-26T22:40:00.000-07:002009-04-27T00:04:44.232-07:00I had a GOoD night :Dit started maybe more than a week ago, when i saw <a href="http://twitter.com/loswhit">Loswhit</a>'s tweet or something on <a href="http://www.israelhoughton.net/index.php">Israel Houghton</a>'s MV--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6N7d3A39rls">Just Wanna Say</a> somehow this song was just a hit with me ever since the first hearing. from there, i went into Israel's website and saw that he was going to be at <a href="http://oasisla.org/index.aspx?parentnavigationid=736">Oasis Christian Center</a> (gosh, there sure a lot of links just from a couple of sentences :P) on April 26, 2009 (which was tonight!) (but when i went back to the website after i first saw this event, it had disappeared...)<br /><br />so i marked the date down on my calender and was looking for someone to go with me. i asked sharon from GMCI (cos i think she probably will enjoy it). but sharon realized that she will be chauffeur for her sister today and might be too tired to go with me... :( and i couldn't think of anybody else...<br /><br />somehow... somehow, i really really really really really wanted to go.<br /><br />i was pretty determined that i was going, but going alone is not something that i was really looking forward to.<br /><br />(back track to a few days ago...) so after looking through Israel's website, i was also contemplating big time as to buying his new CD--the power of one. but i think it took 1 day before i decided that i would buy it. and i do not regret this decision at all... especially finding out how he and a group of artists/writers decided to put a part of their earning into some of the poorest areas of the world. AND the music was just awesome. it's not just gospel as i had thought but a mix of jazzy, hip hop, jamaican, pop and what-nots. exactly the kind of thing that i enjoy. and when i heard another song from the CD--<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYaiGB7eYU8">every prayer</a>, just hit another chord with me. i must have listened to it more than 15 times in the last 2-3 days. and not just listen, but sing, and cry along with it. it just brings such comfort and assurance that God DOES hear our every single prayer and that HE does care...<br /><br />so... back to tonight. the service was at 6pm close to the downtown area. since i am not familiar with how the parking or traffic is like, i left the house early... driving down by myself. i had a little bit of a weird feeling... like "what am i doing" kind of weird feeling. but at the same time (still playing Power of One CD in the car), one of the songs talks about how God is always with us... and it was as if i was no longer alone... God was with me tonight. not just saying but really, he is there kind of thing.<br /><br />well. got there without any problem. parked the car. walked to the theater and some people were already waiting outside of the auditorium doors. within 10 min, it was getting crowded. looking through the room, most people had friends with them... maybe about 70% black and 20% white and 10% others like me. most of them had pretty hip clothes on. the deco is pretty modern and trendy. finally by 5:50 they opened the doors and people rushed in.<br /><br />it was Oasis's 25th anniversary so it was kinda interesting to hear of how God has worked through their lead pastors <a href="http://oasisla.org/contentpages.aspx?parentnavigationid=777&viewcontentpageguid=c596328f-010f-4569-987e-4637a507aac4">Philip & Holly</a> ever since the beginning. and i am thankful along with their church members of the kinds of impact this church is making for the Kingdom of God.<br /><br />but i kept wondering if Israel is really going to play ... or is he just going to play a song? or what? finally ... it was announced as a part of the 25th anniversary celebration, it's going to be an hour of worship with Israel. everybody got very excited and a whole bunch of people rushed down to the front.<br /><br />then it started!<br /><br />it was a simple chorus to "here I am to worship" and it just took off. song after song after song.(it was a good thing that i bought the CD and have been "practicing" these few days :p) somehow that 1 hour flew by really quickly... and i think it's been too long since i really sang like that in worship... and maybe i've not danced like that since those college days at the clubs. i was really into the singing, clapping, and dancing. i was also totally amazed at Israel's guitar, vocal, worship leading, everything skills. and the stories he shared/preached about his life, receiving love from God... i was totally ministered to and felt like i was on a date with God ... but along with hundred of people in that auditorium... all singing their hearts out, reaching out their hands to God. praising God... enjoying time with Him and a pretty awesome worship time together.<br /><br />i've not written something this long on my blogs for a while. and when i got home, my brain was still going at a zillion miles per hour with all the excitement of who God is. there have been different times in my life that i am just obsessed about going to a certain church or some kind of conference. tonight was one of those moments. and i just know... it was a GOoD night for me. simply awesome.Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-25011121410618237352009-02-21T22:33:00.000-08:002009-02-22T00:27:37.371-08:00Focus<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhtXq_Os4-fuz8SDePjMDildf94BFUnmbtpJlSsFm2NKwbDUKBtKING95rKoFMOTqspWoEZZJ6HzeL2ZG-fuVf7SzHaTtY9rdkSvv6f3Ag5iCzVqJ1drspIbUkPQMtjYSThAmMMw/s1600-h/DSC05845.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhtXq_Os4-fuz8SDePjMDildf94BFUnmbtpJlSsFm2NKwbDUKBtKING95rKoFMOTqspWoEZZJ6HzeL2ZG-fuVf7SzHaTtY9rdkSvv6f3Ag5iCzVqJ1drspIbUkPQMtjYSThAmMMw/s320/DSC05845.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5305532879716929858" /></a><br />I've had a few days of "rest" after our intensive cohort meeting for two weeks. When I bought the plane ticket, I was thinking that there's a Chinese church in Honolulu that my dad had mentioned that I can share with their English/youth fellowship. I also thought I can spend some time with my uncle (dad's oldest brother) and aunt. But a couple of weeks before I came out to Hawaii, I found out that my dad didn't remember which church that he talked to. My uncle was going on a business trip. What I had assumed that would work simply didn't turn out.<br /><br />So these few days I have been "alone" since I have no other friends on the island. I also get anxious/nervous in a new, unfamiliar environment with unpredicted possibilities. (Small things like whether I can find a parking space in a popular tourist destination would make me uneasy.) Although I was going out to places, I can't really enjoy hiking in the mountains with beautiful views or the beautiful water and waves of the ocean. And when I went to Hanauma Bay, this place that's famous for corrals and tropical fishes, I was worried most of the time about being stung by jelly or lost in the current. Life just seem to suck and horrible. It's like one of those jokes about having a great bottle of wine just to discover there is not cork screw to open the bottle.<br /><br />Despite my inability to truly enjoy this pretty awesome and dream vacation destination for many people, I still went out everyday and tried.<br /><br />Yesterday when I was walking down this beautiful beach, I complained to God. But today when I walked along the same beach, it suddenly dawned on me. I can't believe that I am being so unhappy about one thing in my life and forgetting everything else that I have been blessed with. I started to give thanks and count my blessings--for having family in Hawaii that I can stay with and save a lot of money from hotel stays; for being able to borrow my uncle and aunt's car to go to the beaches these few days; for dad who paid part of my plane ticket; for eyes to see such beautiful sceneries; for legs to walk up and down the beach; for good health; for opportunities to study and learn things that I really enjoy... Although I still wish I had some company, I know that this is my lot in life at this point of time. <br /><br />It is a matter of focus... of where I put my focus and perspective.Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-67209176900438000672008-11-04T06:05:00.000-08:002008-11-04T11:33:00.900-08:00humbled yesterday morning when i took mochi (my sister's dog) out for his walk, i saw this man digging through trash looking for cans and bottles. as we passed by him, i said "good morning" and looked into his eyes. i think i was trying to "see" the man and related to him as a fellow human being beyond what he was doing.<br><br>ever since i moved back, i've seen homeless people on the streets of our neighborhood and always wondered "what can i do to help?" after talking to some ladies at church, there were cautions that sometimes it can be dangerous for women to talk to these people, but ultimately, just pray and see how God wants me to do.<br><br>last night when i was driving home from the office, i saw a small group of people standing on the street corner with the signs "vote yes for proposition 8" (voting yes for this proposition would revoke the legalization of gay marriages in the state of CA.). they were making noises and it was dark already. even with my loud music playing, i could hear the sounds they were making. but i just thought... people are so willing to stand on the street corner to express their views on some law, but what are we as Christians doing to express publicly the kind of self-less, unconditional love of Jesus Christ, which he expressed to those "sinners" around him when he was here on earth?<br><br>so back to the man i saw yesterday digging through trash. i saw him again this morning digging through more trash dumps looking for bottles and cans. somehow a thought moved me to gather some of the cans and bottles in our house and give them to him. i hesitated a few times by walking outside of our garage to see if he's still around... finally, i just picked up the bag of cans and bottles and walked to the man. <br><br>"excuse me, sir. would you like to have these bottles and cans?"<br>he looked at me with grateful eyes and took the bag. <br>he said... "have a nice day" and smiled.<br><br>as i was walking back to our garage and got ready to drive out to work, all these emotions rushed through me. somehow, i felt pain and wish i can do more. i felt joy thinking that i've done something finally to help a fellow human being who is struggling in life. as i thought more, i became very humbled by this whole event that had taken place because i know there is nothing i can brag about. what i've done probably can never solve this man's problems. but i can only be grateful that somehow God has provided an amazing life (both materially and spiritually) that some others just don't seem to have. who am i that HE cares for me in such ways?<br><br>i am humbled... <br> <!-- multiply:no_crosspost --><p class='multiply:no_crosspost'></p>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13895385.post-18614364291249142202008-11-04T05:12:00.000-08:002008-11-04T11:04:48.568-08:00i love this country :D went to vote this morning without much wait. <img src="http://images.multiply.com/common/smiles/smile.png"> somehow last night my heart felt very heavy and there were a lot of anxieties within me because we are not only voting for the next president of the United States but living in california, there are also many propositions and other things to vote for. it was as if all that commercial about "your 1 vote counts" is adding pressure for me... my one vote (literally) is going to change the world. i guess it does make a difference but at the same time, the majority voice will prevail at the end of this voting process. i was going to wait till the last minute to cast my vote today, but since there wasn't a very long line (the polling place is right next to our home), all three of us went and got it done within 30 min.<br><br>this is the very first time that my parents and i are voting. i think there are also many "new" things in the voting process that amused us. well... for one, we were pretty surprised that they didn't check our IDs to make sure we are those people registered. the american system is still based on trust. my mom said if it's in taiwan, there would be no such thing. everyone's ID must be checked and confirmed before they can get a ballet to vote.<br><br>besides this whole honor system observation, all the volunteers at the poll were enthusiastic and helpful. i am especially touched by how helpful this elderly gentleman was. he even gave me 2 "i voted" stickers because i told him i was going home and change after i voted. <img src="http://images.multiply.com/common/smiles/wink.png"><br><br>well... i guess we'll wait for the results to come out tonight and many things will be different. but to be involved in this election this year, i am suddenly very proud that i am a citizen of this country and can be a part of this society that upholds freedom and respect for human beings.<br><br>God bless America! <img src="http://images.multiply.com/common/smiles/star.png"><br> <!-- multiply:no_crosspost --><p class='multiply:no_crosspost'></p>Singing Tiggerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02061608235671249246noreply@blogger.com0