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2011-12-14T20:21:00.001-08:00

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The Passion of the Christ and pregnancy

2011-04-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

last night at UCHC we went to the Good Friday service and husband was presiding and speaking (one of the 7 last words of Christ). before he preached, he started to call names of people and asking them to go up and share. of course he didn't mention it ahead of time that he was going to do that to me. but he did. usually i would be pretty nervous about this kind of last minute stuff especially up on the stage in front of people. but maybe because i've seen how it's done very frequently at the Pentecostal churches, i was rather calm about it. i didn't hear or he didn't say what he wanted me to do so i was sitting there thinking about what i will say or sing (because it could be either one of those things). as i thought about what i might share with the people, the images of The Passion of The Christ came into my mind. we watched part of it the other night since it was on TV. i think because i am pregnant and expecting a son, the scenes where they focused on Jesus and His mother, Mary's relationship drew out a lesson that i've not thought much about.

the movie was done from a Catholic angle of the Passion (or suffering) of the Christ. focusing on Jesus's eye contact exchanges with His mother, it gave me a sense that a part of how Jesus was able to continue on His journey of suffering was because His mother was there and silently supporting Him to completing the task that He was given. but it never occurred to me of the suffering of Jesus's mother during the process until the other night when i was watching it. as a pregnant woman, carrying a child for 9 months, raising the child to her best abilities, who would want to see their child suffer? yet Jesus's mother, Mary did not protest or fight like Peter did in Matthew 16:21-23. she was obviously in pain and yet it's almost like she knew that Jesus's suffering was necessary. it was the purpose of why He came into the world.

although i've known that in being obedient to God, not only do we need to pay the price but the people around us also need to pay the price along with us. still, to endure the kind of suffering Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to endure, it seems rather cruel and harsh. it made me think about all those times when i went on short-term missions trips especially those in very rural, non-contactable areas. i knew that my mother (or parents) had to suffer to some extend because of my obedience to follow God's call in my life. i always pray before and during the trips that God will watch over my family and bring the "peace beyond all understanding" to them (which He always did). but this is just one of the realities or the price to pay in being obedient to God and following Him.

maybe it makes the Christian walk harder. yet maybe the thought of how this community around us (or Body of Christ) is so necessary even when it comes to being obedient to what God calls us to do. and maybe it's also in the community or the Body's support (along with God and His Spirit's enablement) that we can continue to carry on this Christian journey.

on being thankful

2011-01-01T19:01:00.001-08:00

last night we said goodbye to 2010 and ushered in the new year, 2011. it was unlike any new year's eve that i've experienced because hubby's brother david invited hubby to preach at his church. as i told my sister about this, it seemed like an unusual idea. but i remembered that our dad used to organize watch night prayer meetings during his years as senior pastor at ACCC. somehow we, as "kids", never joined my parents for these prayer meetings. on contrast, both hubby and his brother recounted how they have always spent their new year's eve at the church. so it's another family tradition that i'm introduced to.

the service started at 10pm with worship. it's a cosy apostolic pentecostal church attended by Black families in the area. brother David led the worship time through singing while nephew Darius and other church kids played drums and bass. there was no powerpoint slides of the songs being sung and David just led from one song to another. but the lyrics were easy enough for everyone to follow. and i felt like i've not worshipped like that for a long time... although the gospel-y/jazzy beats and accompaniment of the songs were different from what i am used to, the songs are still the same--i exalt Thee, i love You Lord, etc.

the service went on till almost 2am with testimonies, prayers, praise dance, inspirational reading, my hubby's awesome preaching, and of course lots of shouting, running around, and impromptu dancing. all the usual elements of a Black pentecostal service (of what i've observed so far in the short few months). but one thing that brother David emphasized through out was giving thanks for what the Lord has done in 2010 (along with praising God despite the good and the bad). although i didn't stand up to "testify" of the Lord's goodness (maybe my brain doesn't work that fast to think of exactly what all i am thankful for and to formulate them into eloquent words like all the Black brothers and sisters were doing). but through out the service, the ride home, and especially hubby's sermon from the book of Ruth talking about positioning oneself at the right time, right place, with the right people and right attitude, 2010 has been that year where i have been rewarded or blessed of my years of being at the right time, right place, right people and right attitude (well, the the Lord had to adjust that last part and worked on it over the course of 10-15 years). mainly the blessing of meeting a wonderful man, developing a friendship/romantic relationship, leading to being married, and now expecting a new life in June. these have been the prayers and the deepest longing of my heart in the last 10-15 years. somehow my season with all the tears, prayers and conversations over meals that went into preparing, hoping and struggling has suddenly ended. i have entered into a new season (just like the lyrics of the song New Season by Israel Houghton).

and the blessing is not only in the man i married but also of the family he comes from and belongs to. although it's been a big adjustment to move away from my family and familiar surroundings, the Settles have made me feel very, well... "settled" :p. i have to say there are still lots about the Reese/Settles family history and stories that i need to learn (not to mention which cousin is whose child and how so and so relates to so and so). there are lots about the church traditions and customs that are far different from what i grew up with. there are also lots of other bigger overall Black societal issues that i didn't have to think about or deal with but now that i'm a part of. i want to embrace all these new things with an open mind and open heart (and heartache at times).

but God has definitely outdone Himself again in 2010 especially in my life. i am still grateful of old friends and family who have endured me all these years, but also thankful for the new beginning and a new family God has brought me into. there are many more other things that i should also be thankful for but it might take too long for me to think through and list them down. so here i "testify" of God's goodness and hope it will encourage you no matter where you are in your journey or struggles in that deepest desire of your heart. i am also too scared to say He will do exactly what He has done for me. but i do know He knows the best time, best place, best way, best gift, best blessing for you. only if you would trust Him and let Him lead the way.

it takes a village to raise a child...

2010-08-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

it takes a village to raise a child and apparently the family of Christ to make a wedding happen

i was thinking this morning that weddings seem to be about the bride, the dress, the groom, flowers, music, gifts, etc... of course there are people involved but i never realized how many people it required

in the past couple of weeks, my older sister who is my wedding coordinator has been busy calling different people figuring out the various details and arrangements. then she would call me asking if i know this and that... also creating a list of things that i need to do. never in my life am i actually glad to have my big sister calling me and making sure that i am doing this and that. (i just didn't like having somebody telling me all the things that i need to do)

besides my big sister, my mom and dad have also been calling various church members from Atlanta Chinese Christian Church (ACCC, where the wedding will take place and where i spent 10 meaningful years of my life growing and maturing). people have been responding and asking how they can help with tremendous zeal and helpfulness. it is a wedding between two poor full-time ministry workers who come from two full-time ministers' homes. (basically we just don't have much money....) so we really depend on whatever help people can offer us.

actually now i think about it, people have been offering lots of help ever since they heard of the good news. i've gotten A LOT of help from one of my best friends, wei wei, along with my younger sister, jennier c. and many others.

this wedding is definitely not a casual, simple thing. it's the result of people's love, time, energy, money, poured out. and i'm very grateful.

i am looking forward to the big day not just because it's going to be life changing, but also knowing that it's the celebration of many good friends, family, and the Body of Christ coming together.

step into the unknown

2010-07-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

one of my favorite things for summer time in LA is the outdoor concerts at the Hollywood Bowl. it's even more awesome when fireworks are involved (it's the July 4th weekend afterall). Besides the music, the ambience, the exciting picnic food possibilities, there is also the time to sit, to talk with friends and family (we spend too much time in front of the tv, computers, and our phones... well, i am guilty as charged if not the queen of doing all of the above)...

so...

last night in the midst of the conversation, my friend commented on my recent turning of events, in getting married in september, moving across the country in a month's time, to become a part of a wonderful southern Black family that can be pretty different from my own Chinese family, and whatever is to come in becoming a wife, a mother, and hopefully a good support for a wonderful man in what God has called him to be and do... all of that as being brave and daring. so i told her "well, it's how God's been leading all my life. it just doesn't seem different this time around".

but later as i thought about it more, although J and i have not known each other for a long time, we've been able to become close if not best friends in sharing and being able to cheer each other on for the challenges in our lives. it is not hard to pour my life and trust my future into J just because of who he is (and that's through my own judgement, comments from close friends to both of us, and also new friends that i've gotten to know because of him, plus his family members)...

and the thing that i keep coming back (besides what i've written above) is the fact that all my life, i know that God is the One that has been watching over, leading every step, every move that i've made from taiwan to atlanta to burma to singapore to LA... and wherever else He is taking me (and us in the future). there were some hardships along the way, life issues that i have faced. and for some things, i need more work on. BUT, He has been great. it is not scary to go forward. it is not my own bravery or adventurous spirit (i might have some of that but like my name, Pauline, i often feel little and timid of doing even some simple things in daily life). it's just like knowing how J is and trusting that things will be ok. knowing God through out the years also requires that i would trust Him more and more. i think He makes it easy.

so how stepping into the unknown will turn out really depends on whom you are walking with and whom do you trust in leading you into the unknown...

to be married off

2010-05-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

so i've also just come back from spending some extended time with Joshua and his family, particularly his dad since i stayed at his place for about a week. before i met Bishop Settles (Joshua's dad), i already heard Joshua describe what kind of man he is. i think it was back in January, after my first visit that he wrote on my facebook something to the effect of welcoming me as his future daughter-in-law (before there was any formal proposal, chinese or american ways). and so for this visit, i had the opportunity to spend some mornings with him just to chat over coffee and his really delicious apple raisin oatmeal.

ever since i got to know Joshua, i have been learning about the struggles and the painful history for the Black Americans. somehow the high school and colleges i went to never taught me this part of the american history. before i met Joshua's dad, i was thinking that i'll ask him about his experiences as a Black American thru his childhood, Civil rights movement, etc. but as the two of us sat down over breakfast, our conversations did not revolve around some historic incidents or experiences but just common, everyday, life kinda stuff. so i found out that we both love to desserts, have dealt with people problems within the church, and for me to hear stories of Joshua growing up as a child and of his marriage with his late wife. it wasn't about my Chinese past and his Black American experiences. it was about us being people with families, as ministers of God to His people.

after my 3-week trip, i'm home and i've been sick. i just haven't had much time to share with my parents of my experience in the past three weeks. so when i did talk to my mom briefly over dinner the other night, there were a lot of concerns and worries. it's as if getting married to a wonderful man and family who happen to be "Black" is a disease that requires lots of caution and maybe even some vaccination shots. (ok... maybe that's a little bit too exaggerated but it sure doesn't make me feel like i'm being trusted for my decision to marry this Black Southern American man)

in the past few months it did occur to me that although i've been very exposed to various peoples and cultures, lived in very rural mountainous areas of SE asia, grew up in "the south" and feeling rather southern at times, felt thoroughly welcomed by Joshua's family and friends, all these experiences are "mine" until i share as much of my experiences with my parents for them to understand how amazingly at home i've felt in the past three weeks.

i suppose i am being "married off" since i'm a girl and will be moving across country, joining my new family, learning Black, southern culture... i suppose my parents feel like they are losing me to "the unknown" and maybe even into a very scary "Black" family. but so far in my own experiences, i'd have to say i'm sooooooooo looking forward to this new chapter of my life, in learning, failing, love and hate my life at the same time... i do believe our skin color affected our life experiences but i've found lots of similarities just by being human. and if history has proven of God's faithfulness and goodness in my life, i don't see how this would be any different from before. i've lived in a couple of foreign country for years knowing very little about those places and ended up loving those peoples. i don't think it will always be easy but it will be good. it will be good not just because i know the Settles will be good to me, but also that God is good and faithful.

mom and dad, i guess i'll try harder to help you get a glimpse of how good my world is. and i pray that you will trust God and His leading. His "good, perfect and pleasing" will for my life and future.

worship "team": learning about worship in community

2010-05-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

just came back on a trip where i spent 2 weeks as a volunteer at the Southeast regional InterVarsity's chapter camp. well, so it happens that Joshua was the worship leader/coordinator for the first week where we did a mix of traditional hymns, hillsong songs, and of course several gospel pieces. i wasn't supposed to play (keyboard) for the 2nd week but was asked and i more than gladly accepted.

i have to say that both weeks brought challenges but of different kinds. in the past 10 years or so of my worship leading/playing/singing experiences, it's always been songs that i have chosen or with styles or chord progressions that are very familiar to my fingers. but not these 2 weeks. i've always wanted to learn how to play gospel style and/or jazz style songs but never had the discipline to see it through. so it's come back to bite me. our team came together after a couple of days and i was able to hide my poor keyboard skills because every team member was talented. i was very grateful that one night when i couldn't play the intro to Grateful that the flautist, bassist, and drummer covered me. it was especially painful to disappoint Joshua, my dear friend, future husband and worship leader because the gospel pieces really depended on my playing. but i learned to accept my limitations and will improve upon it in the months to come.

week 2 was a different beast altogether. we did many songs by Jesus Culture (something like Your Love Never Fails). basically the style of the songs were more rock, which is something almost entirely unfamiliar to me (esp. in terms of how the keyboard functions in a band). on top of that, it's also an entirely different team dynamics because half of the people on the team come from the same area and have been working together for a certain amount of time. i think it's always hard when there are established relationships in a group and you are supposed to become the same team within a short time. i have to say that it was a little disheartening to me. basically i felt like a failure all through out those few nights playing for worship.

but here is the irony. multiple people came up to me during the 2nd week and told me how good i played. i received their compliments with a smile and sometimes doing the chinese thing by saying: "nah, it wasn't really anything..." but with more than just one person who came up to me, it made me think harder as to why people were complimenting me.

maybe after a couple of days it dawned on me... it wasn't my playing but it was my contribution to the overall sound of the team that made it good. (because it's hard to think playing the same 4 chords thru out an entire song is that difficult to do... hahaha) this is something that i've not really experienced much. i think i've always been the one-woman show but this time around i was "one part" of the team and not "the team". it was certainly very humbling and maybe a hard lesson to learn because i needed to trust that the other excellent musicians and i could compliment each other in creating music that might help people enter into worshipping God.

i guess i will always have more to learn and grow from...

process

2010-04-03T23:04:00.000-07:00

with the wedding preparation on the way, there are many new experiences and thoughts that come with it. i've been thinking about the process of preparation, particularly for the wedding itself.

i've recently told someone that i would rather focus on preparing to build a new life instead of focusing on the wedding itself... because the wedding is only one day but being married is "till death do us part". i guess both J and i are rather practical people, plus we are poor (well, full-time Christian workers seem to have a better witness if we don't have money... hmm...). growing up as a little girl, unlike many others, i've not really dreamed of how my wedding will be or what place or what dress or what music will be at the wedding. with all these years of waiting for the right person, maybe i've also grown weary thinking about even the possibility of getting married. when J and i first decided to officially date, he did ask me what i might want in a wedding. i think i thought briefly and do have some ideas... but not as elaborate as some others would think and dream of.

so with the wedding prep underway, i've been receiving various advices for and questions about the wedding. i'm very thankful that i have very good friends, sisters, mother's friends, who are more than willing to chip in and contribute. so many of them think of things that i haven't thought about. (i guess this is where the but comes in) but... it can be rather confusing and stressful at times because J and i just want simple but simple might be interpreted as "cheap" or "not proper". i think sometimes i just want to skip over all this preparation "process" and just be married and go on with our life together.

but then i start to realize the necessity of having this process and having to go through all the "trouble". time does allow certain things or issues to surface no matter if it's good or bad. going through the process with all the stresses and ideas, i'm learning about the people around me that i wouldn't otherwise have a chance to know. i'm learning about myself in ways that i've not experienced before. and i think this process also makes me grateful because God is at work in my life and stretching me again. i have to go back to His Word, get on my knees so that i would be able to find peace and be at rest in His arms again.

i suppose God stretches people through different circumstances, opportunities, and stresses. and somehow His intention is "good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purposes". and so going thru the process is only necessary

engaged??!!

2010-03-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

my family and friends know that i've prayed for marriage and family for a long time (maybe for about 10-15 years?). and they have also been praying for a long time. it has been a rather long and tiring journey filled with weird and interesting stories.

when i met joshua last year, everything suddenly seemed to move rather quickly for our relationship. but it wasn't at a pace that seemed too fast for the both of us. i guess after 10-15 years of waiting, my time has reached its fullness.

so even after our first meeting in person back in Nov, we've talked about a timeline of how things might work out in our relationship. at the time, it seemed reasonable. it was with the considerations of joshua's work schedule requirements (he's taking a team to Ghana this summer for missions), my studies (almost done with my DMiss degree at Fuller), our age and desire to have children (he wants quite a few and i love kids too), and also a reasonable adjustment period for our families. i had also wanted my uncle to marry us, and since he's a very busy man, we've tentatively set a date for our wedding on Sept 11, 2010.

so joshua's visit was a determining point or a point of confirmation for whether we'll continue to follow the timeline we've discussed previously or not. as far as i know, joshua has been much more than i can ever imagine as a suitable future husband and father of my children. i had no doubt that we would make a good couple and family especially in serving the Lord and (hopefully) bringing glory to our mighty God and King.

and as i had thought, his visit went very well. i was especially appreciative of his willingness to accommodate and learn about chinese culture and ways of doing things... to at least try the different foods (like sea cucumber and chicken feet) and say "ya, that's pretty tasty". to preach at my church and get the approval of my current church family, to endure the stare from random chinese people walking down the streets of alhambra or even getting some impolite treatment at this chinese grocery store. to spend time with me and my family even when he has a million things to take care of related to his job.

so ya, we are engaged (in a very chinese, community, family kinda way instead of the american, individualistic kind of way), and have started to prepare for our wedding in sept and our life together. (to say those words together in a sentence still seems rather surreal to me.)

(here's his rather humorous version of our engagement and future plans... On Engagement Rings, Oreos, and Impromptu Parties)

i am thoroughly grateful... to God, our families, friends because of all the prayers, words of encouragement, good advices, willingness to chip in and help for the wedding prep. i'm grateful for God's design, good timing, perfect will that i can truly testify now.

really... thank you all who have prayed along the way, who have been by my side when things didn't work out, with the tears and frustrations... and for those who are still waiting on God's good design and plan, i'll be praying for you and trust that He has the best in mind for you as well. :)

God is the God of China and all creation

2010-03-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

one of the reasons why i really enjoy talking to my beau, Joshua, is that we can be just talking about random things in our lives and somehow come up with really cool missiology or theological insights...

this morning we had an awesome conversation. i thought it's worth blogging about since it was sorta my idea and he made it better :D:D:D

somewhere in the conversation, i said:

"God is the God of China and all creation"

i said that because of a small observation i made from the conference we had this past weekend (the Missions Prayer Conference in LA). during the first night's worship, we sang How Great Thou Art. since the conference was conducted in mandarin, naturally the powerpoint slides were all presented in chinese. but what was interesting (no matter if it was intentional or not), is that the background of the slides that might look something like this. when looking at these kinds of images, it just communicates "China" or chinese... it's pretty amazing of how God made mountains, trees, and the fogs in a certain way. when looking at the exact combination of what that scenery looks like, it just says "china"...

usually when we sing How Great Thou Art, people talk about the beauties of creation, the Grand Canyon or the Niagara Falls, which are all awesome creations that give us a sense of... well... awe. God also made the Yellow Mountains or the Stone Forest of China.

here's where Joshua made this whole discussion even more meaningful... when he commented on how amazing "God is the God of China and all creation", i understood the deeper implication of what i said. God is both specific and general in how He relates to people. when i said that God is the God of China, it means that He's very specific in creating the people, culture, and even the sceneries are that uniquely Chinese. yet at the same time, He is general in that He made ALL things because He rules over ALL!

sometimes we tend to generalize the fact that we are all christians and we are all the same but in turn might reflect the fact that we have lost our unique identity as an individual and even a cultural group. it is important for those of us who believe in God and follow Jesus to see that we belong to ONE Lord. but at the same time, it is also important for us to appreciate who we are as individuals and cultures in our contribution to making that ONE richer and more complete. if we do not know who we are or the unique contribution we can offer from our culture, how are we to contribute to the whole of the Body of Christ?

what will happen to them?

2009-12-12T18:40:00.000-08:00

with hand gestures, muffled voice, heavy cigarette smoke breath, tangled hair, and grey blue-ish eyes, this white lady talked to me for maybe 5 minutes. she gestured upward as if she's pointing to God. she made a circle around her stomach area and said something about "surgeries", "train ride" "washington DC"... and tried to give me fist bumps or some secret hand shake. i just nodded and looked into her eyes. at the end, i said, "God bless you" and that's about all i could say or do. she hugged me.

another encounter was this little black girl just walked up to me and said "i spilled on my jacket". (she was the cutest thing) i saw some paper towels sitting on top of an old laundry machine and started to try to soak up the stain. i said, "you got to be careful with the drink." while she was still holding on to that cup of hot cocoa or something that they were giving out along with the meals. she then said to me, "i think we need to go to the bathroom and wash it off." so we went into the bathroom. i took some more paper towels and wet it with water and started to wipe her yellow hoddie. then she said, "my mom will wash it later." then we went back to where i was standing. she ran to her mom along with her 2 other siblings while the mother was still trying to grab more shirts or pants or blankets. i think the mom said "get into the car" as they were about to leave...

before i met with our church people at one pastor's house this morning, i told myself "i'm going to learn from these people today, to try to love them and respect them as God's precious creations." i think all 30 some people went were rather nervous because it's an environment and people very unfamiliar to us. we drive nice, big vans and live in nice big houses. we have warm clothes and can choose anything we wish to eat. the only worry is "will i get fat?" or "is this healthy for me?" i think i am no different from the rest of the group.

coming away i kept wondering how will they survive this rare and harsh cold LA rain? with no shelters, their clothes or blankets will be wet. i think experiences like this always leave me feeling very helpless. i honestly can't say that we made a huge difference with the few hours of our lives pretending that maybe even doing this once every three months will be enough. maybe it's also one of my excuses for not doing anything with the homeless regularly because i just don't want to walk away feeling helpless all the time.

(despite the mental knowledge that God is all powerful and He can do something about it if people would go to Him and if He chooses to change their lives)

it did remind me of those days sharing with the villagers (the women, children, and elderly folks) in the mountains of thai-myanmar border about God's promises to bless His people. it was a rather ironic scene and experience for me back then. although at the end of that one year, i did hear of what God has done in helping the villagers thru another missionary.

but still, i wonder what will happen to the faces i saw today... what will happen to the lady who was trying so hard to communicate her pain to me? what will happen to the little girl who spilled hot cocoa on her yellow hoodie? and all the others...

jumping on the bandwagon (that might have left already)

2009-12-03T10:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks to elderj and David Park and various newly acquainted AA (Asian American) friends, I've recently been exposed to the "Deadly Viper" controversy (which should be more or less over by now)... but I think the discussions about culture, race and Christianity continue

Just had some thoughts this morning that I'd like to share...

So far, it seems that the AA community involved (or those who are sympathetic and understanding) feel rather cheated by the turn of events. Because even with the book being pulled off the shelf and an official apology from Zondervan, it's like merely throwing a small rock in the ocean. There's no big change in the bigger American Christian community.

So here's my thought... If we (AA) are trying to educate the non-AAs on our culture and background, how about some more proactive actions?

It's true that images of Kungfu fighting (or movies, TV series) are a tiny bit of what the Asian culture is all about. Why not take it a step further? Take it as an opportunity to take people further into our own cultural background and things that we are proud of. (maybe we need more people in the media and entertainment business to create more opportunities? and of course more interpersonal interactions?)

But as a 1.5 Gen Chinese-American, I am not quite sure what all I can present to those non-Chinese as to the pride of my cultural background and what it's all about. As I've started to research and explore this complex subject, hopefully I'll have more to offer in the days to come.

receiving grace

2009-11-30T14:39:00.000-08:00

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
James 1:17 (NIV)

This is a verse that I've memorized many many years ago. Over the last 10-15 years, it has been a struggle to try to understand what it means in the context of my desire for relationship, marriage, and family. I struggled wondering if I would be able to fully comprehend what this means and just accept a biblical truth by faith even when there's not even any glimpse or possibilities on the horizon.

Well, I would have never imagined that God in His good timing would bring someone so wonderful into my life. In the past 2 1/2 months, it has been a rather surreal experience. I still want to pinch myself and make sure that I'm not dreaming. Joshua has been all that and more of what I would ask for in a man. I think it is interesting of how when so many friends and family in our lives are rejoicing and celebrating the fact that God has given us someone new and wonderful. It just seems hard to fully receive this "good and perfect gift" from God.

Maybe this is why it is so hard for people to grasp how grace and salvation and be freely given... if I can't even just rejoice and enjoy the "good and perfect gift" from God that's in a form of a wonderful man.

but I'm coming around to it... in receiving... in rejoicing... and giving thanks....

i'm blessed

2009-10-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

many months ago when i planned my asia trip, i think i was pretty greedy because i wanted to try to see as many of my friends and spend as much time with them as possible.

in the past 2 1/2 days, i already feel very blessed by g, ey, and yl who went all the way to KL to meet me and spend time with me and pampering me. i was sitting there at this fancy lunch today thinking... "what did i do to deserve friendships like this?" so when they brought out the very pretty strawberry cake, i made a wish. and i told them... "i wish that our friendship will last for a long time and that all of you will be happy in life as well."

and it's not just these three friends who not only made my birthday and life special, but all of you as well.

and this is only the beginning of my trip. i know that i'm going to continue to be blessed and pampered by many of you.

from the depths of my heart. thank you.

Fearless by Max Lucado

2009-09-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks to twitter, I got the news that Thomas Nelson publishing company was giving away free copies of Max Lucado's newest book Fearless. But since I was too late in getting the initial hundreds of copies, I found out that I can also get a free copy by agreeing to blog about the book after I've read it... (you can find more info from here)

so here goes...

Just like the previous books that I've read by Max Lucado, this is another insightful and interesting read. Max addresses our fears encountering the economic crisis, daily news of disasters and wars, and those closer to home anxieties over our loved ones, our own life, diseases, inadequacies and future. Max is an excellent story teller using various perspectives that grippes my attention through out the book. But I appreciate how he makes the Bible verses, stories come to life in using today's terms or parallels. He also gives us practical steps to take in confronting fears.

I think growing up, I wanted to make sure that I can overcome my fears by doing exactly what I fear. But over the years, with more experiences in life, it's becoming harder for me to overcome my fears. This book is a good reminder that although I might feel powerless in confronting my fears like before, what is most important is that I know who God and Jesus is and what He is capable of doing (and even what He has done in the past through out history). By soaking myself in His Word and His promises, getting to know Him more, rely upon Him more, pray more, being involved with the Body of Christ... all the basics of Christian living, that IS how we can confront fears and overcoming them.

I definitely recommend this book to everyone out there. I think even though I've finished the book, I'll go back to it time after time to just find some encouragement and hope facing the fears in my life.

I had a GOoD night :D

2009-04-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

it started maybe more than a week ago, when i saw Loswhit's tweet or something on Israel Houghton's MV--Just Wanna Say somehow this song was just a hit with me ever since the first hearing. from there, i went into Israel's website and saw that he was going to be at Oasis Christian Center (gosh, there sure a lot of links just from a couple of sentences :P) on April 26, 2009 (which was tonight!) (but when i went back to the website after i first saw this event, it had disappeared...)

so i marked the date down on my calender and was looking for someone to go with me. i asked sharon from GMCI (cos i think she probably will enjoy it). but sharon realized that she will be chauffeur for her sister today and might be too tired to go with me... :( and i couldn't think of anybody else...

somehow... somehow, i really really really really really wanted to go.

i was pretty determined that i was going, but going alone is not something that i was really looking forward to.

(back track to a few days ago...) so after looking through Israel's website, i was also contemplating big time as to buying his new CD--the power of one. but i think it took 1 day before i decided that i would buy it. and i do not regret this decision at all... especially finding out how he and a group of artists/writers decided to put a part of their earning into some of the poorest areas of the world. AND the music was just awesome. it's not just gospel as i had thought but a mix of jazzy, hip hop, jamaican, pop and what-nots. exactly the kind of thing that i enjoy. and when i heard another song from the CD--every prayer, just hit another chord with me. i must have listened to it more than 15 times in the last 2-3 days. and not just listen, but sing, and cry along with it. it just brings such comfort and assurance that God DOES hear our every single prayer and that HE does care...

so... back to tonight. the service was at 6pm close to the downtown area. since i am not familiar with how the parking or traffic is like, i left the house early... driving down by myself. i had a little bit of a weird feeling... like "what am i doing" kind of weird feeling. but at the same time (still playing Power of One CD in the car), one of the songs talks about how God is always with us... and it was as if i was no longer alone... God was with me tonight. not just saying but really, he is there kind of thing.

well. got there without any problem. parked the car. walked to the theater and some people were already waiting outside of the auditorium doors. within 10 min, it was getting crowded. looking through the room, most people had friends with them... maybe about 70% black and 20% white and 10% others like me. most of them had pretty hip clothes on. the deco is pretty modern and trendy. finally by 5:50 they opened the doors and people rushed in.

it was Oasis's 25th anniversary so it was kinda interesting to hear of how God has worked through their lead pastors Philip & Holly ever since the beginning. and i am thankful along with their church members of the kinds of impact this church is making for the Kingdom of God.

but i kept wondering if Israel is really going to play ... or is he just going to play a song? or what? finally ... it was announced as a part of the 25th anniversary celebration, it's going to be an hour of worship with Israel. everybody got very excited and a whole bunch of people rushed down to the front.

then it started!

it was a simple chorus to "here I am to worship" and it just took off. song after song after song.(it was a good thing that i bought the CD and have been "practicing" these few days :p) somehow that 1 hour flew by really quickly... and i think it's been too long since i really sang like that in worship... and maybe i've not danced like that since those college days at the clubs. i was really into the singing, clapping, and dancing. i was also totally amazed at Israel's guitar, vocal, worship leading, everything skills. and the stories he shared/preached about his life, receiving love from God... i was totally ministered to and felt like i was on a date with God ... but along with hundred of people in that auditorium... all singing their hearts out, reaching out their hands to God. praising God... enjoying time with Him and a pretty awesome worship time together.

i've not written something this long on my blogs for a while. and when i got home, my brain was still going at a zillion miles per hour with all the excitement of who God is. there have been different times in my life that i am just obsessed about going to a certain church or some kind of conference. tonight was one of those moments. and i just know... it was a GOoD night for me. simply awesome.

Focus

2009-02-21T22:33:00.000-08:00

I've had a few days of "rest" after our intensive cohort meeting for two weeks. When I bought the plane ticket, I was thinking that there's a Chinese church in Honolulu that my dad had mentioned that I can share with their English/youth fellowship. I also thought I can spend some time with my uncle (dad's oldest brother) and aunt. But a couple of weeks before I came out to Hawaii, I found out that my dad didn't remember which church that he talked to. My uncle was going on a business trip. What I had assumed that would work simply didn't turn out.

So these few days I have been "alone" since I have no other friends on the island. I also get anxious/nervous in a new, unfamiliar environment with unpredicted possibilities. (Small things like whether I can find a parking space in a popular tourist destination would make me uneasy.) Although I was going out to places, I can't really enjoy hiking in the mountains with beautiful views or the beautiful water and waves of the ocean. And when I went to Hanauma Bay, this place that's famous for corrals and tropical fishes, I was worried most of the time about being stung by jelly or lost in the current. Life just seem to suck and horrible. It's like one of those jokes about having a great bottle of wine just to discover there is not cork screw to open the bottle.

Despite my inability to truly enjoy this pretty awesome and dream vacation destination for many people, I still went out everyday and tried.

Yesterday when I was walking down this beautiful beach, I complained to God. But today when I walked along the same beach, it suddenly dawned on me. I can't believe that I am being so unhappy about one thing in my life and forgetting everything else that I have been blessed with. I started to give thanks and count my blessings--for having family in Hawaii that I can stay with and save a lot of money from hotel stays; for being able to borrow my uncle and aunt's car to go to the beaches these few days; for dad who paid part of my plane ticket; for eyes to see such beautiful sceneries; for legs to walk up and down the beach; for good health; for opportunities to study and learn things that I really enjoy... Although I still wish I had some company, I know that this is my lot in life at this point of time.

It is a matter of focus... of where I put my focus and perspective.

humbled

2008-11-04T06:05:00.000-08:00

yesterday morning when i took mochi (my sister's dog) out for his walk, i saw this man digging through trash looking for cans and bottles. as we passed by him, i said "good morning" and looked into his eyes. i think i was trying to "see" the man and related to him as a fellow human being beyond what he was doing.

ever since i moved back, i've seen homeless people on the streets of our neighborhood and always wondered "what can i do to help?" after talking to some ladies at church, there were cautions that sometimes it can be dangerous for women to talk to these people, but ultimately, just pray and see how God wants me to do.

last night when i was driving home from the office, i saw a small group of people standing on the street corner with the signs "vote yes for proposition 8" (voting yes for this proposition would revoke the legalization of gay marriages in the state of CA.). they were making noises and it was dark already. even with my loud music playing, i could hear the sounds they were making. but i just thought... people are so willing to stand on the street corner to express their views on some law, but what are we as Christians doing to express publicly the kind of self-less, unconditional love of Jesus Christ, which he expressed to those "sinners" around him when he was here on earth?

so back to the man i saw yesterday digging through trash. i saw him again this morning digging through more trash dumps looking for bottles and cans. somehow a thought moved me to gather some of the cans and bottles in our house and give them to him. i hesitated a few times by walking outside of our garage to see if he's still around... finally, i just picked up the bag of cans and bottles and walked to the man.

"excuse me, sir. would you like to have these bottles and cans?"
he looked at me with grateful eyes and took the bag.
he said... "have a nice day" and smiled.

as i was walking back to our garage and got ready to drive out to work, all these emotions rushed through me. somehow, i felt pain and wish i can do more. i felt joy thinking that i've done something finally to help a fellow human being who is struggling in life. as i thought more, i became very humbled by this whole event that had taken place because i know there is nothing i can brag about. what i've done probably can never solve this man's problems. but i can only be grateful that somehow God has provided an amazing life (both materially and spiritually) that some others just don't seem to have. who am i that HE cares for me in such ways?

i am humbled...

i love this country :D

2008-11-04T05:12:00.000-08:00

went to vote this morning without much wait. somehow last night my heart felt very heavy and there were a lot of anxieties within me because we are not only voting for the next president of the United States but living in california, there are also many propositions and other things to vote for. it was as if all that commercial about "your 1 vote counts" is adding pressure for me... my one vote (literally) is going to change the world. i guess it does make a difference but at the same time, the majority voice will prevail at the end of this voting process. i was going to wait till the last minute to cast my vote today, but since there wasn't a very long line (the polling place is right next to our home), all three of us went and got it done within 30 min.

this is the very first time that my parents and i are voting. i think there are also many "new" things in the voting process that amused us. well... for one, we were pretty surprised that they didn't check our IDs to make sure we are those people registered. the american system is still based on trust. my mom said if it's in taiwan, there would be no such thing. everyone's ID must be checked and confirmed before they can get a ballet to vote.

besides this whole honor system observation, all the volunteers at the poll were enthusiastic and helpful. i am especially touched by how helpful this elderly gentleman was. he even gave me 2 "i voted" stickers because i told him i was going home and change after i voted.

well... i guess we'll wait for the results to come out tonight and many things will be different. but to be involved in this election this year, i am suddenly very proud that i am a citizen of this country and can be a part of this society that upholds freedom and respect for human beings.

God bless America!

living in the pressure of the bad economy

2008-10-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

my parents are full-time christian workers before i was even born. this life style of faith, dependence on God is nothing new. when i started to raise support for my own finances, i did go through a points in my support raising history that freaked me out until i cry to God and said "You got me here. You have to be responsible for my needs..." and every time He comes thru without fail. just like the Israelite wondering 40 years in the desert with no lack in food, water, clothing, Yahweh is the same yesterday and today.

but this month has been tough for me.

my financial support account is slightly red but i am pulling all the strings, asking for help like i should. with the bad news of how bad wall street and the big banks are not doing well, people's pockets are tight. that thought did cross my mind..."would it affect my finances? would people give less because of the bad economy?" but also "would God continue to provide? isn't He the source of all? everything belongs to Him?"

actually... it's not so much of the "big" things but the small things that are getting to me these few weeks. i was sick when i was in Atlanta. had to go into the emergency room (ke-chin), then go to another clinic to do some additional blood test (ke-chin-chin), had to get medication (ke-chin)... then i also got my book list for ethno module 2 (which is a list of about 16 books... ke-chin, ke-chin, ke-chin).

THEN... my eye glasses broke out of the blue yesterday morning. so i went to get a new pair today. i knew it's going to cost me and i even went to a Christian optometrist that my parents go to but still after all the wonderful discount, i still had to pay an arm and a leg for a new pair of glasses. (ke-chin)

on the way home, emotions were running. tears came down. i was grateful for the discounts and the fact that i am fully supported financially. i am far better than many people living in worse conditions. it's not like i have no money in the bank (although not much) or won't know where the next meal is coming from (we have plenty of food at home). but still... i think i felt that anxiety and fear many people must be feeling now. wondering if we will actually survive this scary time for most people.

with experience and the history, i know it will be better and maybe today will be forgotten. but for now, i am grabbing on God like nobody's business and trust that He does care.

人在福中不知福 (being blessed and yet not realizing it)

2008-10-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday happened to be my mom's lunar birthday, which coincide with my birthday (which is not my lunar date but the date on the common calendar we use). It is her 60th birthday and it's a big deal for Chinese (or people of any culture I suppose). A few months ago, we (the family) wanted to plan a surprise party for her, but as there are some complicated matters to consider, we told her of the celebration before hand. at the end, we decided not to have a huge celebration with some sort of formal meeting, but invited some of my parents' and our organization's friends for a Chinese dinner.

As we were thinking of the guest list, my dad asked if I have any friends that I want to invite. My reply was..."I don't have any friends here in LA..." but as we sat down at the dinner table on Saturday night (at the "kids" table ), my older sister, Katherine asked everybody to say something nice or some kind of blessings for my birthday. Being Chinese, it is usually hard to take in compliments from people, but I've learned to appreciate what people say and just be grateful. so I listened without the usual reply... "nah... that's not true... blah blah blah..."

Katherine started the whole thing by appreciating me being there for her when she needs it the most. Then the two ladies from our USA CMI office followed by saying how they appreciate having me around. and others also said nice and complimenting things, blessings.

I listened and realized that I've been wrong. In this past year, trying to adjust to the life here, I was expecting the exact same types of friends that I had in SG. Honestly in that sense, I don't have friends. BUT... I do have friends in LA. In the past year, I've shared life with these ladies in the office. They've listened and prayed with me. I've done the same for them. They are my friends here in LA (not to mention the ladies from my church who have been very caring and supportive to me as well).

Even as I am writing this in Atlanta (visiting for 2 weeks), I still have many dear friends here in this city... I am blessed.

of salvation and condemnation of God

2008-09-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

the day before i left Egypt, i was reading John 3 on the story of Nicodemus. somehow i've read thru this a million times but these verses jumped out

v. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. (NIV)

i guess i am one of those people who thinks it's rather unfair for people to be "condemned" based on their choice or being born into a certain religious belief. when we share the Gospel with someone and he/she might say "that's nice, but i don't think it's for me" or "all religions are the same. i believe in God and so do you. there's no need for me to become a Christian or anything like that..." to me... how can a loving and just God condemn someone because they choose to believe another "religion" and not Jesus Christ?

but the Bible seems to be telling me... it's not that they choose to be condemned but it's the fact that we have all been condemned. there's no choice involved here. it's just a straight fact. no one should or have any way to obtain salvation.

although it seems kinda sad and hopeless (i love movies and stories with happy endings), i think the more it seems "salvation through Jesus Christ and Christ alone" (for those who have been saved and have a growing relationship with God) is simply amazing. i hate to use the cliche word--grace, but that's just what it is.

then today in John 6:64b-65...

For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. 65 He went on to say, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."

i am not a Calvinist or Armenian. i believe the Bible contains and teaches both at the same time (somehow). but for the above verse, it emphasizes again the fact of human inability to truly "choose" for him or herself.

maybe that's the hardest of all to accept as human beings... it's the fact that i have no absolute control or the ability to decide (not saying we are idiots and puppets because we also do have a mind given by God). for salvation, it simply requires God's enabling and enlightening for a person to believe in Jesus Christ.

my apple battery woes

2008-08-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

a couple weeks ago, i downloaded a widget for all kinds of cool stats on my mac (i think it's called istat). at first, the battery stats showed something like 90% functioning. over after a few days, i looked again and strangely it has changed to 50-ish%. i thought i have been working too hard on my 50-page paper and have turned delusional. but that same horrible number showed up a few days in a row and then stayed.

it was then that i realized that my battery capability has gone down the drain dramatically. this thing is only barley 1 year old. if i don't plug it in, i can only use the laptop for about 1 hour. it gets used up pretty fast and scary.

thankfully, i had purchased this laptop with a three-year extended warranty. but that was from sg. i wasn't sure if the NTU offer applies internationally (because when i read the paper works from the time of purchase, it's not very clear). i was running through my brain of what other possibilities i might explore if apple doesn't recognize the warranty here. i thought maybe i will have to mail it back to singapore and get somebody to exchange it for me... or wait until i go back to singapore to visit... or just live with a faulty battery.

so i made an appointment with the "genius" at the apple store genius bar. it seems that they are pretty busy. to make things worse, i got out of the house later than i wanted to. not sure about parking, i grabbed a pretty good parking space that was free (since this is in the pasadena area... i knew parking is hard or expensive or both). i was walking on the street in the wrong directions. called my mom to get some help but she was getting pretty confused too. anyway... i found it at the end (but walked for a good 10-15 min). thankfully, since i had an appointment, the "genius" helped me. he gave me the initial talk that batteries do not last forever. they diminish their capabilities after many usages... blah blah blah. dude. i researched the web before i came. (i think he was just buying time). to cut the long story short, without any more questions, he got a new battery. did the paperwork. and put in the new battery.

moral of the story: make sure you buy the extended 3 year apple care. or else you might be like me... just a few days or months after the 1 year warranty wears out, you might find your computer destroyed (my poor ibook).

my first croc

2008-08-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

been looking for comfortable sandals to walk with. actually shopped in san diego and san jose area and didn't find anything that is both good quality and priced.

last week i got an ad in the email that there's free shipping from endless. since i've been looking on amazon to find suitable crocs, i thought the price was pretty good and bought it.

got it yesterday and surprisingly it is so lightweight. according to the website, it's some kind of special material that also prevents bacterial growth. will try it out and see how good it really is...

heaven and rewards

2008-07-24T04:56:00.000-07:00

was exercising this morning and doing my bible reading on the stationary bike this morning. this thought came... "what happened to the answers from the bible regarding rewards in heaven?" (referring to this blog entry but i guess it's for clichephrase's contacts only...)

basically my friend posted a blog entry about rewards in heaven (what kind? how will we be rewarded? by having big mansions? crowns? and how would that motivate/effect us here on earth?)

so i decided to do a search and list the bible verses in New Testament... (according to my own discretion regarding the relationships between heaven and rewards) (quoted from NIV)

Matt 5:3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matt 5:10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matt 5:12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Matt 5:19 Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
Matt 6:1 [ Giving to the Needy ] "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
Matt 6:20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
Matt 9:21 Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

Luke 6:23 "Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.
Luke 10:20 However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."
Luke 12:33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.
Luke 18:22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.

1 Peter 1:4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you,

i did a search on the word "heaven" in NIV and NASB and 278 entries showed up. according to my judgment, there are only about 12 that are sort of relevant to rewards. that's a very small percentage compare to what the New Testament talks about heaven. so it seems to me that rewards and heavens is not a hot topic that Jesus or the disciples focused on. heaven... it's more about other matters. and even when it talks about being rewarded in heaven, it has more to do with how much a person sacrifices (in various ways) for God/Jesus, not so much related to our material giving...

but i think the most obvious bible verses that taught us the concept of heaven and rewards are those highlighted in red.

wild parrots

2008-07-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

went out for a jog this morning. along the way, i heard this strange bird noise, unlike those "normal" birds. so i stopped and tried to figure out what kind of bird was making that noise. and woo hoo... those are wild parrots roaming around this area. so cool.... here's a website with their pix. they look exactly like this. :D

wild parrots website

my voice within

2008-07-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

went to Hollywood Bowl for my 3rd concert of this season last night. it was Julie Andrews presenting "the gift of music". the first portion of the concert consisted of songs from Rogers and Hammerstein's musicals. 2nd portion was a newly composed (i think) musical based on Julie Andrews and daughter, Emmy's children's story book--Simeon's gift.

it was really weird to "see" Julie Andrews in person (since she is such a familiar face from The Sound of Music and Princess Diary... and voice...). I had thought that she went thru a vocal cords surgery and couldn't sing anymore but she did. although her voice was hoarse and she couldn't reach very high notes anymore, her presence and expressions are still excellent. She is also an excellent story teller.

and for the 2nd half of the concert, it's kinda a typical children's story with this educational focus on music and also knowing who you are. the songs are nice but not memorable (seriously, i can't sing any of the songs back to you from the show... unlike littler mermaid or something). but the story did resonate something within me.

i guess because the main character, Simeon, is simple minstrel. for the purpose of finding something that would allow him to justify marrying the princess, he went on this journey hoping to perfecting his craft and write music that is beyond the simple tunes he used to sing. along the way, he learned many things but ultimately the noises of the city beat him down and made him very discouraged about his dream. he then decided to sell his lute and return to the village in order to say goodbye to the love of his life. but on the journey back, he encountered three animals that reminded him of his passion for music and eventually for him to find his voice again. and as in all fairy tales, his music was so wonderful, it did earn him the right to marry the princess. he then continued to compose wonderful music for the rest of his life. and thus--Simeon's gift (to the world, i suppose)

i guess since i have composed some songs before (i think those were mainly therapeutic for my own sake). the songs and lyrics just flowed out of me. it never took a long time for me to compose anything in the past. but in the past year or so, i've stopped. partly because i am searching again of why i compose and to whom do i compose my songs for. (or maybe i am coping with my stresses in different ways?) i think also because i am doing this ethnomusicology program. with all the learning and reading, i hesitate in composing because i don't feel that my songs are really reaching many people (of course my friends and family have been encouraging about this and i do appreciate all your support). but i do know that music IS a gift and i should utilize it.

i am not sure which part of the journey i am on right now... maybe just keep walking

ouch

2008-07-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

i bought 2 lavender plants today and planted them in my uncle's house (because that's also our office). the ground was rather hard with lots of pebbles and rocks (i think maybe when they built these town houses, they just dumped all the junk into the back yards and that's where all these nasty little things come from)

i used a little shuffle. i was digging the first hole for the first plant. dug and dug and dug without wearing gloves (since it was easier. the gloves were too big). suddenly i noticed that some skin on my palm had come off. i just kept digging and planting the two plants.

now it really hurts.

Ice cream!

2008-07-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

the july 4th weekend was filled with fun and food. (also lots of sun)

after dinner on saturday, we went to Fosselman's ice cream co in Alhambra. and this is the kind of stuff that i was hoping to find many months ago when a craving for really good home made chocolate ice cream like the kind you find at daily scoop that was walking distance from where i used to live in sg.

above picture is my chocolate raspberry cream on a sugar cone (with my little sis in the background and picture taken by my thai-american bro, nat.) (awesome pic, nat!)

the price is not bad and there were lots of people going thru the store even at 9:30pm (when we arrived). i will be going back again (probably need to jog for like an hour before i go again). and if you are ever in the neighborhood, i highly recommend trying out their yummy ice cream.

EAST graduation photos are up!

2008-06-25T18:01:00.000-07:00

Just went to check the EAST website and found the graduations photos up.

There are some pretty nice shots there.

It doesn't allow me to post the exact link to the photos so you have to go to

http://www.east.edu.sg

then click on "photos" in order to see them.

Pauline Epistle June edition (Chinese)

2008-06-24T17:46:00.001-07:00

Pauline Epistle June edition (English)

2008-06-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

travels--HK to Shanghai

2008-06-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

from june 5 to 10, i was in shanghai. after taiwan, i flew to HK (cos i was flying cathay pacific). because i want to save money and experience what the everyday mainland Chinese go thru, i decided to take the train from HK to Shanghai. it was a 20-hour train ride. but a pretty good experience.

i learned a few things...

bring your own cup (they provide hot water only)
bring your own food (they are slow in selling the train food and i thought it looked pretty oily)
people were pretty friendly to one another
men can snore very loudly at night
it was a long journey (duh!)

before i went, everybody was warning me to be cautious so i was super cautious. i didn't talk to anybody but just listened and watched the interaction of people. i thought most of the passengers were mainlanders (in the hard sleep section ... 6 to a cabin) and some adventurous westerners. there was an old man who didn't seem to prepare any food so those in his cabin offered him bread. i thought it was a very communal experience.

after arriving to shanghai, i spent the next few days with jw's family. (jw is a friend from my previous church.) i was very touched by their hospitality and how well 6 people can be cramped into a 2-bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment without any conflicts. i think they were amused to have a taiwanese living amongst them so jw's father would explain some of the china communist traditions, notable heroes, poems, etc. i think it is beneficial for my research on chinese american music (since i've not narrowed it down to chinese from which area).

because it was 'dragon boat festival', there was an extended holiday for that weekend. i think we went for a very avg chinese kind of weekend stroll in the public parks. it was interesting to see all the families with their young children (maybe pre-elementary school age) with their parents and grand parents.

i think the timing for my trip is pretty providential. before the trip, i already heard that my 3rd aunt's husband was hospitalized. but i think we all didn't think he would stay in the hospital for over a month. i got to visit him in the hospital and prayed along with the family for quick recovery. (thank God that he's gone home from the hospital but need to continue to pray for his full recovery) and because it was 'dragon boat festival', i also had a reunion dinner with my extended family. i've not had a chance to meet some of these relatives who's been living in shanghai all these years. it was good to finally meet them. i also had brief moments to catch up with those cousins that i'm more familiar with (thank God for family!)

hmm... this is getting pretty long. for coming back to HK, i decided to take the plane to shenzhen. that was also quite an experience... i guess i wont elaborate on that now.

for shanghai pix, you can go here.

change of plans

2008-06-04T16:34:00.000-07:00

i arrived HK around noon time yesterday. leaving for shanghai this afternoon.

got an email from YM saying that she wont be able to go back to LZ as planned so i am cutting that part of the trip and come back to HK earlier.

when i was leaving sg and going to tw, i asked some people to pray for the people that i will meet, the things that i will see, hear and feel... that all will be what God intended. i think basically it called for an open mind and not insisting on doing this or that... (like going to the awesome party world K tv in taiwan... which i didnt get a chance to... )

basically i met these people...

my old classmates from wesley (some of them)
uncles and aunties from our old church
my cousin, his wife, and a wonderful lady who works at ORTV
office staff and associate missionary of CMI
one EAST alumna/good friend
spent time with my godma and her family
a lady who is in charge of this humanitarian org who also stayed at where i stayed during the first few days

all the meetings were very meaningful. i was blessed with money, gifts, great food, and most importantly--great company. (quality time is my number 1 love language)

i was glad that it's also an accumulation of the blessings, and grace i've received during the sg trip. somehow... i was able to talk thru many issues that i am facing and hope to seek some adjustments after i go back home. through conversations, i realized that i am totally passionate about going into ethnomusicology and the vision of seeing nations worship in their own language, music, cultural ways. through the gifts and grace and blessings i received, i feel refreshed and am able to return to the Word... maybe the most important thing is the reminder to have a thankful heart.

there are 2 more weeks in my trip. i look forward to more people, sights, sounds, or whatever God has in mind for me.

in taiwan

2008-05-29T02:01:00.000-07:00

after a very long day of flying from SG to HK ... grateful for SM, JJ, crab, qurikie and jeslyn for sending me off (around 6-7am). so touched...

well... just wrote an email to my family. kinda lazy to re-write stuff so just post it here and share with you all. (edited of course)

============

Dear Family

I arrived Taiwan around 3pm this afternoon. i transited thru HK and was delayed because the weather was not good. there was someone on the plane who also needed medical attention... it was a very long day...

i am at starbucks right now (one place that i heard that i can get wifi connection... i thought it's free but i need to pay money... )

just walked through the area around the our old home. first time around, i didn't even know that i was passing by the little lane. i went around the whole block and eventually came back to lane 85 (amazing i still remember..) but nothing is recognizable. maybe only the distance of walking from here to there. it's a very strange feeling

well, i am staying at this guest apartment near our old home... that's why i walked by the old home...
=========

saying goodbye again

2008-05-28T03:56:00.000-07:00

after 2 weeks in sg, i am going to say goodbye again to this place that was my home for 7 years.

it is a weird feeling that i had just said my farewells 8 months ago. although there are always changes in sg, it's still familar to me. and the people... i thoroughly enjoyed my time with every single person here. i really feel that there's not enough time no matter how much time we've spent together during this trip.

before i left the US, someone from GMCI emailed and wish me a good trip... to be refreshed. i think i definitely need it. after meeting with different people, venting, processing through all the adjustments, struggles, frustrations of my 8 months back in the US, i do realize many blind spots in my life in the past 8 months. hopefully i will be able to make some changes and adjust better... for my sanity, spirituality... and just the plain fact of continue to enjoy a relationship with the Lord ... serving Him out of joy and willingness.

i will head north tomorrow and go to taiwan for a few days. i am not sure what to expect and who are all the people that i'll meet. but at the end dof last night's meeting with my "ah-teh", i asked her to pray that i will just hear, see, and feel whatever God has in mind for me no matter where i continue to travel during this trip.

everybody asks me when i will come visit sg again. i am not sure... but hopefully i will be better at keeping in touch with everyone here... more emails. more chats. more prayers...

my mistake but then... sigh...

2008-05-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

ever since i stepped foot unto the sg soil, i've been going here and there to meet different groups of people. today is finally the day that i start to work on my assignment that is due on friday.

the day started off bright and breeze. since i've not really exercised, i went out for a short walk/jog. came back all sweaty but felt really good. was checking my emails and everything... then a friend called my mobile phone. since the value on the SIM card is getting low, every time the phone call ends, a msg comes on to tell me how much money i have left on the card. strangely... i had added S$25 unto the card last night but the value never changed. so i called the phone company and asked about it.

then... i realize... i had punched in the wrong phone number last night (off by one number only) when i was adding money to my card!!! so the support person on the line told me to fax the receipt to them today in order for them to do something about it. i had to crack my brains and tried to figure out where i am going to find a fax machine.

earlier in the morning i was also having a SMS conversation with an old EAST friend who works for OMF. she wanted to meet up but i didn't have any more dinner time slots left... plus she will be busy helping with a friend's wedding prep next week. so i thought i would try calling her to see if i can have lunch with her as well as fax the receipt to the phone company. thankfully... without much hesitation (besides the fact that she's super busy today), she agreed so i rushed out of the house and met her.

we ate, talked, and had a good time... faxed the receipt then i left. after about 1 hour, i got a call from the phone company... they said the person who benefited from my mistake has only S$9 left on his/her card. i can only get that S$9 back. i guess then i was happy that i could at least recover the lost from my mistake... but after my OMF friend SMS me back, i thought... "ya... that's really horrible that i couldn't get the whole amount back..."

sigh... can't believe i made this kind of mistake... i think my brain is not working too well these days...

in Singapore now

2008-05-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

arrived Singapore yesterday around noon (by now it's the day before yesterday...) the whole flight and transit went smoothly.

it seems hotter and more humid than my body remembered. and maybe because i didnt sleep much on the plane, i've been feeling pretty sleepy by the afternoon.

food has been pretty awesome but meeting up with friends is even better.

looking at my schedule, it's filling up quickly. even 2 weeks seem pretty sure for me to have ample time to really catch up.

i am staying at friend's home and they only have internet access for hotmail and yahoo related sites. so i might not be able to check my gmail much or other sites that i am used to... but i just signed up for the free wireless access in certain places (i think it's some kind of experimental thing from sg gov).

well, need to go to sleep (even though my jetlag is keeping me right awake at 2:20am...)

hopefully i can update more frequently later.

May Prayer letter

2008-05-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

20 years

2008-05-06T05:41:00.000-07:00

about the time when i came back to the US, somehow i got re-connected to my junior high school friends thru msn group. about two weeks ago, i got the news that one of them was having a baby and she lives in the area. yesterday afternoon, another junior high friend and i went to visit her.

we spent about 4 hours sitting in their dining room just chatting time away. both of them are young mothers and so they have many things to share and exchange. i just sit there and marvel at how our appearance doesn't seem to have change too much. but... 20 years have gone by. for me, since i've not kept in touch with most of them, i feel that i need to start all over with our relationships. it is like our knowledge of one another only confined to those 3 years living together at school. but so much has happened since then... for those who have kept in touch through out the years, they know how this person got to know her husband and where they have been and what they've done in their studies and work. those 20 years they experienced are like blank tapes to me. same goes for what had taken place in my life... my experiences, the people, the places i've been.

i think i am still processing through what had taken place yesterday afternoon... but looking forward to be re-acquainted with old friends... in our new lives...

my mom came home

2008-04-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

thanks again for all your prayers. my mom came home on sunday afternoon from the hospital.

thankfully my little sister was around and was able to stay with us for 2 nights for the initial adjustments. my mom basically stays downstairs and sleep on a reclining chair (since she can't lay flat on a regular bed and was never able to really sleep comfortably even on the hospital bed that is able to rise her head level)

i am just exhausted from staying overnight at the hospital. although i was able to take breaks during the day while Joy from the office went to look after my mom, i just didn't get to sleep much. or even if i sleep, it's never deep because my mom needs my help with this and that or the nurses would come in and out to give her medz or check this or that...

well, i am glad that my mom seems to be getting better everyday and believe that she'll continue to get better. but keep praying for us...

i am also very behind on my reading for this assignment that i need to turn in. sigh.. pray that i can get an extension and also have the energy and focus to read and write... (i seriously don't know how i am going to finish the assignment in time... !!!)

(oh... my little sis also did an awesome job helping to clean up the house these few days... a lot of clutters were removed so my mom can move around the house more easily with the walker. somehow it just makes me feel much better without the clutter... thanks again sis!)

pray pray pray...

2008-03-27T16:26:00.000-07:00

our co-worker, Joy just sent this thru email to some prayer supporters so I thought I would also post the link to the website.

Thanks again for your prayers!

USA CMI Prayer petitions

on the road to recovery...

2008-03-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

(I just posted this on USA CMI website... thought I would ask for more prayers... Thanks!)

親愛的代禱同工：

再一次謝謝大家為我媽媽手術代幬。我現在在她的病房，今晚陪她

。雖然她看起來不太像剛開過大手術的人，但是離完全復原還有一點距離。剛才突然就感覺非常痛，我跟她禱告後，有一點點比較好，所以她要我發出這封緊急代幬信，請大家繼續為她完全復原禱告。

Dear Prayer partners,

Thank you again for praying for my mom's surgery. I am currently in her room in the hospital. I'll stay here with her tonight. Although she doesn't really look like someone who's gone thru a major surgery, there is still a good distance until her full recovery. Just now, she suddenly felt a lot of pain. After praying with her, she felt a little better and so she asked me to send out this emergency prayer letter. Please do continue to keep her in your prayers until her full recovery.

Blessings,

Pauline 凱萍

update on my mom

2008-03-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

dear all

just a little update and please continue to keep my mom in your prayers.

tues--took another MRI and X-rays of her lower back
wed--went back to the neuro-surgeon and he affirmed that her problem is mainly due to her pinched nerve in her neck.
thurs--she fell in the afternoon after her nap because her legs were weak. thankfully the neighbor came over and helped me pull her up. she was emotionally very tired and thankfully uncle Morley and aunt Sophie came to visit. they talked and she was slightly better.
friday (today)...
she got up around 4am and went back to sleep around 7am then woke up again around 10:30. i fed her breakfast, gave her insulin shot (as usual)... THEN... she said she was blacking out (the middle area from her view looked light blue and the rest is grey). i took her blood sugar level and it was 85 (kinda low but ok). tried to take her blood pressure but couldn't get it. she started to feel numb in both arms and dizzy. not having any more solutions, we called 911 and the ambulance came.

we got to the hospital and they did a series of tests on her. we got there about 12pm and by 7pm, we were transferred to a normal hospital room for her to stay overnight until her doctors decide to release her from the hospital.

the good news is... by the end of today, the neuro-surgeon's office called and said they got approval from both the insurance company and the hospital that accepts the insurance for an operation on next tuesday (Mar 25).

the bad news is... from the examinations at the hospital today, they found some problems with her lung (i couldn't understand what the nurse was saying over the phone)

so... i've cancelled my trip overseas (there will be more chances in the future). my dad went yesterday and will be away for three weeks. thankfully my younger sis can help some since she's cut down her work. well, thankful also for having uncle Morley, aunt Sophie around. thankful for support from our office staff, Joy... and of course talking to people about it also relieves me.

honestly, it was really scary this morning when the paramedics came (although they were really nice and helpful.. also very quick). being in the hospital all day was tiring... i also need strength and prayers.

thanks y'all

Pray for my mom

2008-03-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

I think I've sent some emails to some of you, but maybe missed out on some.

Well, for the past few weeks, my mom's legs started to lose sensation, getting numbed, and losing strength. After an MRI on her neck area spine, it showed that her nerve in the spine has been pinched pretty badly. It's probably due to her diabetic condition and falls in the past. This past Wednesday we (my younger sis and I) took her to a neuro-surgeon. The surgeon was shocked at the seriousness of her condition and of the fact that we've only brought her to the doc just now. He said that surgery should be done ASAP but there are a few complications.

1. her previous MRI was only of her neck. the doc suspected that there are other areas along her spine that needs to be operated on. so she's getting more MRI and X-rays done next Tuesday.
2. our health insurance has cancelled their contract with the hospital that the doc normally operates from. so.. either he will operate from another hospital (which they might not have available operating rooms that soon) or get the insurance company to grant an exception for my mom to be operated at the first hospital.

another thing is... until my mom gets her MRI & X-rays done next Tuesday, the doc cannot have a surgical plan. thus delaying all processes of trying to schedule an operation room and negotiation with the insurance company.

sigh...

so... please pray that everything will go smoothly and my mom can get surgery done soon. of course also for the surgery itself that there will be no complications (esp since she's diabetic) and for quick recovery.

thanks

My Feb 2008 Prayer letter

2008-03-01T23:23:00.003-08:00

funny wine guy

2008-02-14T12:58:00.000-08:00

how to distinguish those subtle flavors in wine?

well... got this video from one of my DMiss cohort... we were watching it just now and literately laughing our lungs out... enjoy!

http://view.break.com/343258 - Watch more free videos

Happy Lunar New Year！！

2008-02-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Just want to wish everyone a very happy and blessed lunar New Year

新春快樂！

hard questions and answers

2008-01-24T06:29:00.000-08:00

i subscribe to some blogs that come my way. i think this one came to me thru SM. i posted the link last time.

well, the new entry on the road to emmaus caught my eye and i was wondering how people responded to the question asked. interestingly, only two people responded. if you read the first person's comments and interaction with the bible illustrator, it's clear that he doesn't believe in God or things in the bible. i guess after finishing another book in preparation for my course, i was also left with the impression that the churches today need to do better jobs in answering and facing some hard questions that people are having (kinda like this guy). and as much as we would like the world to be perfect, it's just not. somehow God has left us with these hard questions to struggle thru as well...

i don't have any answers for this person about God and why the Holy Spirit are not revealing the Truth to him. i also don't have many answers for many questions that i ask on a daily basis. i also don't believe in mere blind faith. i guess what i am trying to post here is that although i have no answers and i live each day by faith (to the extend of grace God has been able to grant me), i AM saddened by the reality of the response of this person...

campbell soup

2008-01-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

it's raining outside (which is rare for southern CA but regular since i moved here :p)... woke up late because i took a nyquil last night. that stuff is very strong. it knocked me off for good many hours. after i got up, took mochi the dog out for a short walk. i was starving and cold by the time we got back. saw the laus have some canned soup in their storage and took it as a fast meal that's also comforting.

suddenly it just made me think of coach wagner from parkview, the one who taught me trig and calculus. he used to work at campbell soup before he became a teacher. i rem one day he was telling the class about how they make soup. somehow a vivid imagery of coach wagner (who later got his PhD but still insisted to be called coach) wearing a white hairnet, carrying a writing board with him surveying the soup making factory.

interesting how certain things trigger certain memories.

free stuff

2008-01-10T07:30:00.000-08:00

been seeing advertisement on the web for "free windows vista premium" "free revlon mascara" "free trial version of living christian material" etc. i guess it's also a part of adjustment back to the life here... although i've always known that there's no such thing as a free lunch and greediness for "free" things will always suck you into spending more money than you thought you are saving, i still clicked on these "free offers" a few times in the last couple of weeks and finding out the gimmicks of these "free" stuff giveaway. most of the time they ask you to subscribe or buy one of the products advertised on their website before they would give the things to you. and every time when i reached this step, i just don't see anything that's worth signing up or trying out (even the so-called "living christian" material... the monthly cost will be about $70 after a 14-day trial period. and you would have to call them to cancel the subscription and i know it would be super difficult to win the tele-marketers in their determination to make money off of you). this morning i got 4 or 5 emails of advertisement. (which i also just got my email address off from the mailing lists) i hope i've learned my lesson...

168 service

2008-01-07T18:03:00.000-08:00

yesterday was jan 6, 08. which can be written out as 168. in cantonese, it means prosperity all the way and it was also the date that the Grace Mission Church International (GMCI) had our very first Sunday service. the whole service lasted about 2 hours but i didn't really felt it because of all the excitement and passionate sharing from many pastors both from our own church and those who came as guests.

i had left the house about 7:40am since it takes about 50 min drive (on hwy for the most part) and i wanted to be there to help set up anything that is needed. most of the core group people and their families were there around 8:30ish and everybody helped with anything that was needed. this is really an amazing group of people who are all very willing to serve.

there were about 100 people who came for the 1st service. there was even one family who came from the neighborhood nearby because the wife had a dream the night before about how God wants them to visit a new church. when they drove out from home, they saw one of the beautiful signs of our new church on the street corner so they came.

i pray and hope God will provide more people like this so we can reach the community (about 10% Chinese living in this area and more houses are being built... i can't imagine what would be the racial composition of this community) most of the communities are gated so if we would to build relationship with the unchurched, we definitely need God to open doors for us.

pray for me too... with the responsibilities of coordinating the youth ministry... i need A LOT of wisdom, energy, and creativity...

Interesting new TV shows

2008-01-04T17:34:00.000-08:00

so i was doing my usual activity tonight--watching tv (as stress relieve to all the readings that i need to do for next month). came upon two new shows on lifetime tv...

how to look good naked
and
matched in manhattan
(links provided but those who are not living in the US might not be able to see the episodes)

the first show was certainly interesting... unlike the other makeover shows, this is about making women feel their worth in the physical state they are in. of course carson was a little much but it certainly struck a chord with me since weight has always been a struggle. what's more wonderful about the show is teaching women to love themselves as who they are and be smart about how to dress themselves in a flattering way tailored to their bodies... from the first moments of the first show, it is obvious that women might have a false assumption of their physical appearance (my guess is that it's from all these images that we've been fed from the media). it makes world of difference just to have that perception changed. and the 2nd one is almost like the movie Hitch. there were some interesting tips on dating and (for women) where to find men in manhattan (in the 1st episode.... not sure about the subsequent ones). the guy coaches people, gives them tips of what not do to do and what should be done, and sit with them to evaluate on how the dates went. as interesting as these shows are, i think ultimately the message for me is that i need to learn to love myself more and see my worth as who i am. (that will take a while to digest and implement...) so this is mostly for the ladies out there (i think) and also somewhat of a continuation of clichephrase's 2nd blog entry... (er... so now it's only limited for a few eyes to see, huh? )

some people just seem to got issues...

2008-01-02T14:02:00.000-08:00

been living in LA for about 3 months now and somehow it never cease to surprise me of how many unhappy people you might encounter that might also just ruin your day...

for example... this lady in our neighborhood (president of our home owners' association).

i don't understand why every time she talks to people about problems, she always seemed to be super pissed with a tone of belittling you all the time.

a week ago my parents' friend came to drop off the dog. he parked his car outside of our garage for just a few minutes, this lady came ringing our doorbell and chewing me off about the car parked outside of our garage. i mean, what was i to do??? the guy was just there for like 5 minutes!!!

and this afternoon we discovered that the pipe outside of our house was leaking so i called the plumbing service. the man came around 5:30pm (which i didn't think anybody would come out this late in the day... things kinda get quiet after 4/5ish). he's pretty friendly and looked at the leak and was waiting for his supervisor to come to give us a quote of how much it would cost to fix the problem. so i just chit chat a bit with the man. but eventually i decided to just come back in and wait... when i was sitting inside the home, i overheard this lady's sharp voice talking to the man outside.

woman: "what are you doing here?"

plumber: "trying to fix the leaking pipe.. waiting for my supervisor to come..."

woman: "(blabber something about the landscape and plants)... you know this is not their property but the community's property... (blabber something more...) if this is what they decide to do to fix this, it's their decision and they've got to take care of everything (meaning the cost to fix the landscape and plants and such..)"

so as the supervisor came, the plumber took me aside and told me about the conversation and said.. "she was a b*tch. pardon my french"

sigh... why can't people just be nice?

and now we are spending a bomb to fix the leaking pipe outside of our house...

my mom's new pet

2007-12-31T17:38:00.000-08:00

took some pix of this little dog that my mom had adopted from a friend... her name is dou dou (bean bean but previously named star) and our house is becoming more and more like a zoo...

happy new year!

2007-12-31T04:58:00.000-08:00

this is for everyone... but posting now because some have already cross the 2007/2008 12 midnight line...

we still have more than 12 hours to go here in the western side of the north america...

anyway

HAPPY and BLESSED 2008!

enslaved by our pets

2007-12-20T05:46:00.000-08:00

woke up this morning with this "meow, meow, meow" from sushi, my mom's cat. apparently she wanted water in the morning... and since i've been so nice to her, i have been turning on the bathroom tap and drip water to let her drink. and now i am enslaved by her meowing commends...

i think it's me... because mochi the dog did the same thing to me when he was living with us. he would jump up by my bed around 6:40~7am and ask me to take him out for his morning walk. and i thought after he had returned to eeyooore's house, i am free to sleep till whenever i want (except for the days when i have to wake up for work)

i think i am just too nice... and spoilt the dog and cat.

a confession

2007-12-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

i guess i've been laying on the bed and keeping myself home bound for four days already. and thus writing more blog entries.. and finally forced myself to read one of the more interesting books on my reading list...

as i was finishing this chapter on "music as priest" (from Sound of the Harvest by Nathan Corbitt), suddenly i felt released and yet at the same time the need to confess... that i've been a music snob in the church all my life!

i guess the gist of what i was getting is this fact--new songs and new music should be a norm in a living and dynamic church organism. meaning that people with the inspiration of God should take it, write, sing, celebrate, refine in bringing a more complete picture of how to praise God together as a people of God.

but i know that in the depth of my heart or years growing up in the church, i've always viewed this as a specialized task for those well trained and singing in tune celestial chorus (or maybe even a privileged few). which is also to say that I belong to this group and not everybody else is welcomed. and actually on the flip side, i've put my own compositions and musical creations on the not-the-elected side of the fence thinking "everybody is writing songs nowadays. how will mine make any difference? i might as well not write"... and upon hearing this new group writing songs or that group making recordings, i just didn't see the point of me being involved with all this "music making" (for the King of course).

so... i should be glad that our God is a big and generous God who doesn't restrict the joy of music making or involving with music to the limited celestial choir above but to all humanity who will come and just worship and bow at His feet.

cold and cold

2007-12-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

ever since sunday (or maybe it started on saturday), i've had this annoying cold... stuffy nosed, coughing like i am about to cough my lungs out, sore throat... and so i've tried to drink this yucky chinese medicines to help me feel better... taken super strength nyquil that knocks me right off at night (and can never wake up in the morning and feel very groggy after i wake up)

on top of that, our heater broke down. it only blows cool air. and we've yet to find anybody to repair the heater for the past 3 days.

sigh... and i've not been productive in anything much for the past few days.

pray that i'll fully recover soon and that we will find someone to fix our heater soon too!

listening to the Word

2007-12-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

recently, as i am feeling my way to get regular QT going, i discovered that Back to the Bible has many different ways that you can read through the Bible. So i started with the blended reading schedule. in the beginning, it was a little hard to be reading so much at one go but then i discovered that you can listen to different versions. somehow that makes it better (read and listen at the same time)

well, so today as i was listening more than reading (josh 1-3, luke 14:25-35), there were a few interesting things that caught my ears. (particularly the OT portion)

in order to protect Rahab's family, she had to hang that scarlet cord and follow the instructions of the spies or else the whole agreement is void.
everybody knew in canaan that God was giving the land to them (fear struck the people)
God "made" Joshua the leader through His Word (Josh 3:7) and His signs and wonders (crossing the River Jordan during the flood season)

of course there are more teachings that might be more important than these but just thought i would list these out and share.

Grace Mission International Church (Irvine)

2007-12-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

ever since i came back, i've been trying to look for a church to worship, to serve, and to have fellowship at. i've visited a few churches and received invitations from different people that i've met to join their churches. there has been one group of people who approached me and this is the church that i'll be joining (or i've already joined)...

Grace Mission International Church has not started to have sunday worships yet. the very first service will be jan 6, 08. (to the cantonese, the date is very auspicious because it's 168 haha...) and i've asked to help with the youth/young adults group. since the church is just in the beginning stage, there is a group of 10ish youths for now. we'll have our first get-to-know-you session on Dec 22.

the reasons why i joined this church are...

ever since the beginning, the vision of the church is Mission focused (with at least 50% of offerings going into mission works, training disciples with mission work in mind, etc) and almost all the coworkers who are coming together had short-term mission experiences. (to me, this is why churches exist anyway)

diversity within the group... there are people from HK, SG, M'sia, TW. the hope is to also start a spanish speaking service one day

the family atmosphere, friendly relationships amongst the group that has come together to start this church... it's also in the dedication and hard work the core leaders have put in so far.

prayers every weekend during the past year in preparation of forming this church.

well, i joined the group for the first time tonight at an mexican restaurant to celebrate Christmas and also some birthdays. we sang a little and most people shared. i met a few new friends also. overall, i am pretty excited about new start and new possibilities.

at the same time, i do have my worries (it's going to be a long drive, i don't really know these people that well, i don't know how i am going to lead the youths or relate to them)... guess i need to pray more about all this and see how God will lead and grow me through this endeavor.

oh... why i started to write this entry is because somehow and for some after meeting me, they think i am college aged.

hahaha...

that nagging message

2007-11-04T06:13:00.000-08:00

before i moved back to the US, i knew that God wanted me to spend more time in prayer.

well... since i am writing this, it means that i've not really done much of it.

so last week, i just searched online and found the vineyard church nearby. the pastor preached on james 5 (the last portion) on prayer. that night, there was also a prayer meeting at the church. since i am visiting churches and am not very sure where i'll end up with. i obviously didn't go back last sunday night. i think the thought to pray more slipped my mind as the week went by.

so this morning at Lake Avenue, guess what? the pastor preached on a sermon from romans 12:11-12. it's a message about christians keeping spiritual fervor but the last point was on prayer again.

so when i heard this morning's "reminder" again... i just knew that i need to do it.

sigh... pray that i'll be able to set aside time and set my heart to pray more...

counting my blessings

2007-11-04T06:06:00.000-08:00

just some things that i've noticed these few days... counting my blessings

1. it's so easy to do laundry. just throw them into the washing machine and then the dryer. can be done within a couple of hours.

2. there are good music in churches

i went to visit Lake Avenue Church this morning. i think it's one of the biggest churches in the Pasadena area. the music was simple, a mixture of traditional hymns, contemporary praise choruses, pipe organ, hand bell choir, etc. in the short 1-hour service, i got to enjoy it all.

last night i went to a chinese seminary's 10th anniversary concert. it was held at a local presbyterian church. and they have their own pipe organ too! i was pretty amazed at the hardware of the church.

last sunday i went to visit the vineyard church at glendora (a pretty good church so they say). and a simple band of guitarist/worship leader, 1 female vocal, 1 bass guitar, 1 electric guitar, and the drums. it was also pretty awesome...

whobody???

2007-11-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

got a call yesterday evening. thought the guy was calling from india... (because of the accent) asked about our home mortgage. tele-marketer.

when i told him that i know nothing about these things because this is my parents home and that my parents are not available, he asked.. "then whobody would know?"

whobody?

that's the first time i've heard this word... maybe i should look it up in dictionary.com

bad karma?

2007-10-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

was at this restaurant tonight (to be nice, i'll keep the place nameless on this entry)... actually i rather enjoyed my first meal there last sunday with eeyooore.

well, we sat down to order. got our drinks and the complimentary bread basket. talked... waited.

other people came to sat in the tables next to us.

they got food

we continued to wait

my mom started to grumble... "we should get the manager and complain"

we just waited a little more. by then, it was about maybe an hour after we ordered. those people who sat down after us have finished their meals and left.

finally couldn't take it anymore and asked another waitress about our food. then the food came... mom's food was already cold.

the manager came out at this point and offered to take back the food and take it off the bill as well... then the waitress came several times to refill the coffee cups and asked if we need this and that... then came to say they will give us free dessert. we were too full to have dessert then... then i told the waitress that this is my mom's first visit and usually first timers get 4 free muffins... then she felt really bad.. "so sorry that i messed up your first time with us"

we gave her 10% tips.

had another incident two days ago...

is this bad karma? or my expectations for services in the US is too high?

Fuller Doctoral of Missiology program... here I come

2007-10-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

Sent out my latest prayer letter today but i think i still left out some of you from my mailing list... so if you already got my email, you are hearing this for a 2nd time (or third for some of you...)

since the time i turned in my application to Fuller, it has almost been 2 months. i finally called last week to the admissions office checking the statues of my application. the lady called back on monday and told me that it should take about a week or two for them to decide on the new cohort for the ethnomusicology program. so i was thinking that i'll hear about this maybe by next week. but when i checked email yesterday evening, i was very surprised to see that i was accepted.

so there... i will be reading lots (i think maybe even more than the application process) in the coming months... and pray that i'll do well and finish well. (i haven't even started yet but i am sure i'll need to keep this in mind. haha)

two sides of a coin

2007-10-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

have been complaining a lot about life in the US and have been spending a lot of time figuring out what car to buy, where to buy, what price to go for... and it's a "must" to get car insurance in the US so have been trying to figure that out all morning. well, a big thanks to my older sis who has been helping me a lot today. i think if i have to do this by myself, i would just die by now.

(this is for you, kat==>)

so... car insurance. basically been spending a whole lot of time and found out that if you pay the bear minimal, in the case of an accident (which is why you would get the insurance in the first place), you might just die and get nothing paid to you or those you injured or injured you. and you would still probably have to burn a big hole in your pockets even after paying about over USD$1,000 per year for the car insurance. this sucks! why can't they figure out a better system? (now i am talking like an american )

so this insurance thing is still being figured out as we speak.

and people say living in the US gives you many choices (no kidding!).... when i first went to singapore, that was one of my complaints of singapore (not enough choices)... but as i returned, i feel like i am getting headaches just to choose a credit card company, an insurance company, a (or many) bank account, a car dealer... no wonder people say living in the US makes life complicated. living in simplicity is non-existence here...

(i think i am venting as a part of the readjustment back to the life here)

ok ok... so the other side of the coin (as quirkie asked me to list out yesterday)... makes me feel that i lose some and i win some...

1. more space
2. most people are bigger sized so making me look like i am normal sized :D
3. get to spend a lot more time with family :)
4. get to watch all the american tv shows online at any time i want
5. weather in california is cool and dry

hmm... that's all of the positive for now... maybe that positive list will get bigger as i adjust better to the life here...

談話記錄

2007-10-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

已經回美國一個禮拜了

前幾天在catch up 朋友們的 blog 時，發現大爹大媽要飛了。剛好看到大爹上網，問了他什麼時後有空，可以在他們走之前碰個面。昨天就一起約吃中飯，聊了一下午。

跟他們見面真好，他們一直都是我屬靈生命、服事、宣教的模範。好像一談起人和事，也有一種共鳴。非常酷。每次都從他們身上得到許多可以繼續思考的事．．．趁還新鮮，敢快寫下（不過這是我聽到的，不見得是他們說的，哈哈哈）

１．立志做小兵比做將軍不容易
２．為神在生活中做活見證就是學習耶穌基督道成肉身，順服大使命之方式
３．宣教其實不在乎location，如果能在任何地方做主見證，靠主的力量繼續成長、完全就能結果子
４．神在日常生活的帶領都是很奇妙（連我們吃飯要去哪，都有安排），但只在乎我們懂不懂得從神的眼光來看事情。

這只是其中的一丁點，還好他們十一月就回來了，希望還有機會多跟他們學習

birthday reflection

2007-10-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

while it's still my birthday in hawaii, i better write something before the day is over...

yesterday morning i woke up rather early and couldn't go back to bed. one reason was that i suddenly felt very strange and sad that i won't be able to celebrate my birthday like the years before. this means... i used to get SMSsss, emails, bday cards, real gifts, dinners, movies and what have yous. i guess i was pretty spoilt. the birthday celebration went on for weeks even before and after the date.

but i think, i rather enjoyed this one today too. :D

thanks to whatever programs that alarms people to my registered birthday, i got tons of birthday wishes everywhere (multiply, facebook, emails, ecards, etc). esp from friends here in the US. but i guess the best part about today was the fact that i get to celebrate my birthday with my family. since my younger sis wasn't working today, we went hiking. then she took me to this cuban bakery with all the good foods (sorry, we both forgot to bring cameras), then went to IKEA looking for the suitable book-shelves cover (got some... once i clean the other stuff up, i'll take more pix). and then at night, my parents took me out for dinner. we had yummy "jiao zi" (dumplings) amongst other yummy foods. (sorry again, no pix were taken)

then, after we got home, i asked my parents if we can pray together. so we did. we shared and prayed for each other and many things on our minds (including those of you in ESC and ICC worship min)

although this birthday wasn't celebrated in the ways it used to be, i am very glad and blessed to have spent the day with my family

so i am back...

2007-09-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

arrived LA yesterday evening at 7:30. thanks to my sis and bro-in-law, the move was very smooth. 3 suitcases and 1 bag of stuff. i am back. 8 years being away from home can be packed up in 4 bags.

we transited at san fransisco for a couple of hours. while i was sitting there looking at the people walking by, it seems so strange and unfamiliar. fear crept in and wondering what i am doing here.

mom and dad picked us up and we came home to have something simple for dinner. looking at "my room", i don't know how i would unpack everything and settle in.

today is sunday and early in the morning, i didn't feel like doing anything or go anywhere. i did what i know i've always done in times like this--read the bible. i have this dependency on God during uncertain times. i know that God has words for comfort and assurance. well, didn't read much then mom came in and talked with me. she is obviously very happy to have me back. dad had decided that we would go to lake for the sunday service. since i was up and didn't feel so sleepy, we went for the 9 o'clock service. it was the 5th sunday so a family service including children, youths, and adults. not so typical of the traditional service that i've been to in the past at lake. there was also a new pastor.

somehow, as i sat there, i started to remember how every time i returned to LA for visits and whenever we went to lake, i would receive something from the Lord. so i did. same reminders as before...

prioritize our lives (focusing on the Great Commandment)
enjoy our relationship with the Lord like Mary did (the message was focused on Luke 10 the latter part)
surrendering of our lives (thru songs like I Surrender all, Seek Ye First)
trust in God's goodness (thru song You are Good)

just unpacked all the suitcases and put my clothes away. the books and other stuff are stacked everywhere in the rooms.

i think a part of the anxieties and fears crept in as i came back last night came with the feeling of unfamiliarity. living in singapore for 7 years, i know how things work. being away from the US for 8 years, i need to re-learn how people and things work here.

i think i just need to take one step at a time, one thing at a time...

in hong kong now...

2007-09-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

landed about 10:45 sharp. was picked up by my dad's friends (very nice of them). my uncle/aunt's friend's daughter also happened to be on the same flight.

i feel kinda dizzy right now. jj, sm, crab, and i all slept for only about an hour last nite. zzzzzz just had dim sum/yam cha with my aunt and may (the girl from australia).

just also read all the comments, jj's post about my departure. actually i also felt very horrible to have everybody going to the airport at such and ungodly hour (4am). but because of UA's worldwide computer system problem, i waited to be checked in for about an hour while they were having breakfast at BK.

my brain is not functioning right now.

all i can say is... i am still thankful to have good friends who came to send me off. although those from faith cell were filming and talking about those who didn't make it, i thought i am perfectly fine with it... the flight was just too early.

hmm... hope i am making sense. just want to thank those from faith/bbtc who came (even my cab buddy with his sleepy eyes) and also those bro and sis from ICC.

i started to felt very sad as i was sitting on the plane and tears almost came out (since i also don't like to cry in public)... it's a strange feeling. this trip out means my final destination will be the US of A instead of SG.

to be cont.. (when i am more awake)

what should i do?

2007-09-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

last part of the packing consists of bags of letters and cards people gave me...

i told ms krong that i would burn them but she said it's too cruel.

so now they are stacked everywhere in my room...

so how?

clearing out junk

2007-09-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

been packing, throwing things away and giving things away these few weeks

suddenly realized that i have been carrying with me junk. those small pieces of scrap paper with gibberish on them... plastic folders that have no more use... old batteries that have died long ago...

i've lived in 4 different places in my 7 years in singapore and i've been bringing some of these junk from place to place... almost wasting the effort of those who helped me move. they were moving junk!

this has certainly been a very good reminder for all things in life. i need to take time to sort through what is in storage physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally and dump out those junk that should have been thrown away long ago. if i didn't take time out to clear them, i would be bringing them from place to place without even knowing. as the years go, it might get heavier and heavier...

maybe this also helps for me to make sure i do carry those things that are worth carrying...

finished?

2007-08-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

was hoping to finish the Fuller application essay by last night but i was just too tired so decided to sleep earlier and wake up earlier.

got up at 5:30am.

i was super efficient. although i have just finished (it's what? 12 hours later?), in the early hours of the morning, i also sort out my 40-page writing portfolio and penned down the proposed research focus statement. (every single step makes me wonder if i am doing the right thing or not...)

actually after writing for these few days, this morning near noon time, i felt stuck and re-read the 3 questions provided again. i just thought i was very confused. all three questions seem to be asking the same thing..(what's the theme of the three books and how does it impact your anticipated research...) upon closer look, i realized that there are three little words that i've missed.

what

how

why

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

went back to read what i had written by that point of time and felt rather hopeless.
then suddenly an uncle (one of mei's godfathers) told me thru skype chat
"add oil 加油“ and something else ... and that we will pray for you. i was very touched!

had my lunch and started again... added a few lines here and there to answer the questions.

so now...

finished

feels very unreal

Replace by Jim Lim

2007-08-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

saw this on mich's friend's blogsite and fell instantly in love with the song and Jim Lim's voice.

my new favorite. :D

Jim Lim Live (Replace MV)

thank you, my friends

2007-08-29T05:06:00.000-07:00

it's been 2 weeks since i cancelled my employment pass, which means the 2-wk social visit pass has expired today.

originally i had planned to go to JB (Johor Baru) with crab after she finished teaching in the afternoon, but as i chat with tracey on msn, she offered to drive me there and back. so we rushed over the not-so-crowded bridge around 4ish in the afternoon, going through singapore and malaysia customs. then turned right back around (with a quick stop for starbucks coffee) and came back through malaysia, singapore customs.

somehow two weeks ago, i was rather worried that i won't be able to get new social visit pass today and maybe i would be stuck over in malaysia during this very crucial time. but thank God with good friends accompanying me, i got another 90-day social visit pass after i've done this.

1st... i still want to thank tracey again for doing this for me. it really means a lot to me. :)

then... since i felt sorry to change plans with crab, i told her that we can meet for dinner. along came jj and sm (the usual sunday afternoon/evening companions for the past few months... and trips to malaysia also during the past few months). i have been craving pizza hut's super cheesy pizza and that's what we had. bumped into microyu and his wife. i forgot that it's her birthday today. (happy birthday, victoria! ) and it was just nice for us to borrow mircroyu's HSBC card to get a discount. (thanks, microyu )

when we were finishing dinner, sm came up with the idea for us to catch ratatouille around 9. while we were waiting, sm, crab and i went to the arcade and damaged our hands and fingers with crazy games. but it was fun. the movie was very cute as well.

as we were parting, they walked me to the MRT station and told me that they hope to catch me on such unplanned evening next week. i said... probably not... since almost all my lunches and dinners have been filled with appointments (also leaving a couple breakfast slots now...) earlier today, JT asked if i am sad to leave singapore. i said... what kind of question is this?

and until today, i've not sent a thank-you ecard to the faith cell for a very memorable farewell sunday night (my usual practice). as i blogged earlier, i have been worrying sick about my fuller application. been occupying my time either in reading or thinking of writing and preping myself with a lot of time before i write...

somehow... i know that times like tonight might never come again. this is very sad. my fuller application essay is nowhere near being finished but actually i am grateful to have spent the night with three of the most important friends/companions of my life through out my years in singapore.

i can never say enough thank-you to everybody. i probably will keep saying thank-you a million times more. and i truly am thankful... for all of you... i won't ever regret time spent with you over my essay. (i can work on it tonight even if i don't sleep so early.)

i wish i can capture all the moments and freeze them. maybe that's how heaven will be like.

the last leg

2007-08-28T15:37:00.000-07:00

finally finished reading the 3rd required book for my fuller application around 2am on Monday (or rather it was already Tuesday... ). actually this was much later than my intended time of finishing by last Wednesday. i guess i still don't know myself and my circumstances that well.

been having farewell parties and dinners with friends... uncle morley and aunt sophie were here for the big evangelistic meeting for the chinese churches over the weekend... all these i had anticipated but maybe not the anticipation of the amount energy consumed. (what am i saying? i can't write!!!)

sigh... thus why i am still dragging my feet from writing my 10-page paper for the application and blogging away right now. i don't think it's that hard to write this paper since i have a pretty good outline in front of me. but i am plagued by fears right now. fears that i won't be able to hit the main points from the books. fears that i won't be able to find substantiate proof from the books to support the points. basically... fear of failure.

although i know this is normal (who is not afraid to fail?) and a lot of these thoughts are not very valid. i might not be the best thinker/writer in the world, but i think i do have some inherent abilities to analyze and write (thanks to good genes from mom and dad ).

just feel like screaming and beating myself up so i would just get to it.

i got an email from Fuller's admissions counselor this morning. both good and bad news for me. the email was sent to remind the applicants of the impending doom... (err... ha... deadline) of Sept 1. but at the same time saying that if anyone needs extra time, please let them know. LOL i think this is called grace and understanding from the school. even if i would take up their offer, i still won't have enough time with all the appointments lined up (ey, G and YL, don't take this as a hint to cancellation of our trip this weekend, k?).

sigh... so pray for me. i also need to pray and just trust God to carry me through. for the Holy Spirit to inspire and remind of all the things I've read and learned. just give my best and leave the rest to God... plus there are appointments abound and i am looking forward to spending time with people... (although i can never spend enough time with people)

Gambate!!!

managing finances on mac

2007-08-21T03:27:00.000-07:00

any mac owner has a good finance management software to recommend?

God is good... all the time...

2007-08-21T02:53:00.000-07:00

i think sometimes this statement is demonstrated in small things and with a grateful heart.

these few days have been very stressful with saying goodbyes (and realizing there's never enough time to spend with people you care about... ), rushing and trying like mad to finish reading for the Fuller application (and not doing very well with the schedule you want to keep), trying to coordinate our family's china trip cross countries and continents, and wanting to keep myself sane in the midst of all this (by trying to keep some routines like QT, jogging, eating right...)

well, somehow things were blowing up out of proportion in my head and stress level was rather high.

i wanted to spoil myself a little in compensation of the stress that was boiling inside of me. growing up in a family that loves food and uses food to express love, this is where i turned to tonight.

first... pre-dinner comfort-a cup of decaf, non-fat milk latte at starbucks
(that helped a little in calming my nerves)

2nd... yummy asian style burger at Mos Burger with G
(we had good laughs)

then...

we were at bugis and when we walked by hotel intercontinental, i remembered this bakery shop that used to sell things at 1/2 price after 8 or 9pm. thought we just walk by and check out the cakes. and to our pleasant surprise, they are running a promotion. two slices of cakes for S$10! and we just stood there marveling at all the beautiful and yummy looking cakes. at the end i decided on their royal chocolate and something mascarpone.

G and i then walked to the raffles hotel and found a quiet corner, sat there and enjoyed our cakes! the royal chocolate had a layer of mousse on top, chocolate syrup, raspberry sprinkled with golden dust. the bottom of the cake is made with crunchy peanut butter, candy bar, solid tasting thing. the mascarpone cheesecake thingy had liquored soaked cheery mixed in with the cheese... the rest was a blur since it was so yummy... it was heavenly, yet very sinful.

on the way home, i had this wonderful feeling of satisfaction. and thinking... God is so good to me, supplying my small craving in a stressful time waaaaaay beyond i can ever imagine.

man.. i'll need to go jogging again tomorrow morning.. to redeem my sins...

(hope G's pix turn out)

new toy--grace upon grace

2007-08-19T04:18:00.000-07:00

"grace upon grace" is the name of my new toy. it's my new macbook pro!

been planning to get a new laptop computer for months. been praying and asking people to pray for sufficient fund. thanks to many good friends who responded when i said i have this need for a new laptop by giving me some money as my parting gift. i also sold my electric piano as a part of the contribution to the macbook pro fund. then thankfully my landlady moved back so she cut down the rent and is paying for the utilities (which also allow me to save some money on my monthly expenses)...

so the money part was more or less taken cared of. then it's the issue of when and where and which specs of macbook pro to purchase. thus started the hunt of my macbook pro.

i've always known that NTU has the best deals especially since they include a 3-yr warranty and a carrying bag. but just to doubly, triply make sure, i waited till the PC show at the beginning of June and check their price and package they might offer. to my disappointment, the apple people at the PC show weren't very helpful and even had a hint of "i don't care if you buy our product or not". not very helpful and not very cheap. the sales lady told us that most models of macbook pros are out of stock everywhere in singapore at the time. she didn't even offer for me to take an order and wait for it to come... so the day after we went to the PC show, my friend went to the NTU computer shop to order one from there. well, the apple sales lady was right. somehow after the PC show, they were totally out of stock of anything macbook. but at least the sales person at NTU was nicer. told my friend that we can order and maybe the new shipment will come by August.

by mid or end-July, got the news from james that NTU/NUS is having IT fair at the beginning of the new academic year. free upgrade of the Mac new OS leopard will be given. i was already pretty happy with the 3-yr warranty and carrying bag. the free upgrade is definitely welcomed (although i didn't know what kind of awesome and cool things that leopard can do till these couple of days..)

well, to cut the story shorter (i need to go to bed!)... i finally got the macbook pro last friday. (after lots of walking around the crowded NTU campus on a rainy friday and complications)

when i was picking up the macbook pro, FJ was with me. when we ordered the macbook pro, crab had already told me the specs and gifts, but i didn't really take note. so when FJ saw the adobe creative suite 3 (web premium), (if he was sitting) jumped out of the chair. and the next morning, going the 5th mile, superchrisho came to see if he can revive my late ibook's HD. seeing the free softwares given, he was also totally shocked and said this would cost about S$1,000 out there on the market.

so when i was talking with one friend who contributed to this computer, it suddenly dawned on me. all this waiting was very worth while! i have so many added bonuses (besides getting a really cool machine to begin with...) because i was "forced" to wait for apple to catch up on the popular demand of their amazing machines. (plus i think there was such delay due to the sales of iphone...)

at the end of this story, i hope that this macbook pro will last much longer than my late ibook. hopefully more beautiful music can be recorded through "grace upon grace" and beautiful photos, multimedia presentations will be made for the contribution of missions and God's kingdom. i am thankful that i get to enjoy using this baby everyday.

moved...

2007-08-19T01:30:00.000-07:00

the NTU ESC (English speaking corner) hosted a farewell party for me yesterday. i had some vague idea of what might happen and had sent out email asking people to pray for me because i want to take this chance to share what's most pressing on my heart--salvation and a vital relationship in Jesus Christ. i had very little time to really sit down and prepare what i wanted to say, but i knew that i wanted to share some songs with them. i feel singing is the best medium for me to share my heart and gift that i can give to these dear friends.

i had not really thought about how i would feel to say goodbye to these friends that i've spent saturday mornings... somehow, i've never been really good in showing my emotions in front of people (except for when i am leading worship... i think...)

i didn't really cry but had a few tears rolling in my eyes but never really came out...

i was very moved by this special video edited/threaded by SM and YM. it was made up of clips of people's farewell messages to me. there are some funny things that people said but mostly heart felt words and genuine feelings expressed. i think i was especially touched when this girl HP said something to the effect of how ESC has been a very special time for her and whenever people said they have learned things through the lessons.

after ESC's party, i also visited the NTU cellgroup because it was bear's birthday and i wanted to celebrate with him before i go (but sorry ah... i didn't get any gifts for you.). at the end of the meeting, they wanted to pray for me and asked if i have anything to share with them. i said... i was very grateful that i had the opportunity to have some closure by visiting the cellgroup one last time. my contact with NTU started when i decided to help the NTU cell around sept 2003. but i left the cellgroup a couple or a year ago due to various reasons. to be able to go back and visit again was very good. maybe it was good because i get to see how people have grown over the years.

well... when they prayed for me... i cried. i think, it was because of the deep relationships that we've invested into one another's lives and knowing that we probably wont be able to spend as much time talking face to face with one another in the future. i was also moved because of people's gratitude of what my life has imparted to them. that meant a lot to me because that's what i sought to do all these years.

three more weeks left before i depart from singapore. there are going to be more and more farewell parties and dinners coming up.

pray that i'll have good closure time with people and treasure every moment we'll share before i go...

funny classical performers

2007-08-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

got two links these two days from greenwei and former teacher HS... pretty funny stuff...

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/ver/223/popup/index.php?cl=3400917
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jiu0RNizU8

saying goodbyes

2007-08-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

went to MOM and cancelled my employment pass today. it's a funny feeling somehow... although not much has changed (except that i can't work in singapore from today onwards), it just felt weird. 4 yrs passed by just like that...

well, it took me about 2 hours to take care of a 5 minute business. i guess i went at the wrong time (right at noon) and there were more than 200 numbers in queue in front of me. i guess MOM is still pretty efficient in comparison to most places in the world.

so... last tuesday, EAST already gave me a farewell lunch (along with JT). been having series of farewell meals and more to come with ESC this Sat, and faith CG in a couple weeks time...

...

well... been looking into getting a new macbook pro and finally got the phone call from crab saying that they will have what i ordered on friday. the salesman offered to take in my old thinkpad for a very small sum of money (but still money). if i finally decide to do that, i'll have to part with my thinkpad on friday as well.

suddenly feels a little scared to lose those that are familiar to me...

maybe this is what it's all about. mixed emotions of sadness, fear, and also looking into possibilities of the future life...

after thoughts of northern Malaysia trip

2007-08-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

somehow after 8 yrs in asia, i never managed to go to ipoh until last week. i had a lot of mixed emotions when we were going there, arriving there, being there, and leaving there. i couldn't really put my thoughts in words until last night...

on the bus back to singapore, i was talking with jw about gong gong. somehow even after gong gong's passing for so many years, talking about him still brought tears to my eyes. i truly miss him.

ever since we got off the bus at medan kit, i was trying to imagine how Ipoh used to be when gong gong was living there. as we went thru the day, i also came to the realization that yesterday has passed. there's no way for me to truly "feel" the ipoh of gong gong's days.

but from my observation of the people and the life there, there are a lot of "traditions" preserved especially in the food that we tried. of course there are newer inventions and foods from other influences, but when we were in the dim sum restaurant early sunday morning with all the people speaking in cantonese, drinking tea, socializing, i think there was a glimpse of what it could have been like. (i still think it's rather far from how it was...)

while talking with jw about my family's past (particularly mom's family), i never grow tired of the fascinating and complicated history. from malaysia back to china, to HK, taiwan then the rest of the world, the Lees are truly multi-cultural and embracing of all peoples. then i thought of why is this so... of the places my family has lived, taken root, infected by those different lands' cultures...

i think i am grateful. grateful of my heritage, complicated, inherited cultures and values.

well, there's another root finding trip coming up in Sept to china... maybe it's the continuation of this discovery of who i am and how i've been affected by my family's past in creating who i am today.

to be cont...

Happy 'Ba ba' jie (Father's day)

2007-08-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

today is Aug 8. in chinese it's "ba ba"... in taiwan, this is our father's day.

just want to wish my dad a happy "ba ba" jie. and the same goes to all the current and future fathers. :)

here's a prayer that i wrote on june 18 (the western father's day)
=====================================
dear Lord

pray for You to bless the fathers
of children young and old
pray for Your wisdom, fearlessness
trust in You
guide for their children
strength and courage to trust in You
pray for nations to be built
because of fathers taking on their tasks and responsibilities
honorable and high callings
for them to be good examples for their children
for their children to experience who You are even thru their earthly fathers
may You be honored and glorified
because of men who submit themselves, humbly to You
seeking Your heart and will for themselves and their families
pray for spiritual leadership
righteousness and justice
health and love
grace and mercy
just as You have shown them

Jay Chou-不能说的.秘密 MV

2007-08-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

Link
(click above link to see the MV from another multiply-er's site)
guess i am somewhat a jay chou fan by now... (usually would sing at least one or two of his songs at karaoke sessions)

his new movie is out today. this is the new song from the movie. i kinda like the melancholy feeling to the song... some sweetness and some bitterness. tru romantic sentiment.

anti virus software

2007-07-31T06:20:00.000-07:00

my norton finally expired today, which created a fright and a sense of insecurity within me when i saw that message popping up again. i've been very "guai" and used norton (because my computer expert older sister seemed to always insist on the paid version of anti-virus to be more reliable ) but since i'm changing laptop soon (hopefully), i didn't see any point to renew my subscription (which can only be used for the computer that it registered for). so i decided to try out the "free" avast (which i think most people use)...

i am not sure if it's just my imagination, but my laptop seems to be running much faster after removing norton anti-virus after i installed avast. i've always heard that norton takes up a lot of memory space and avast doesn't.

well... still think i should listen to my sis... but then again... avast is free and my computer runs faster now.

(ok... prepare for bullet proof vest i'm ready, jie! shoot! )

living and the dead

2007-07-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

was at dear friend mala's father's wake this afternoon
he passed away last night
they had struggled with his caner for the past two years or so

they only have one day of wake
tomorrow is the funeral
no casket, just a body lying in the living room
covered by a silk sheet with embroidery
with recorded hindu chanting playing over and over
flower pedals spread on and around his body
his lifeless, breathless body

wish i could have met him while he was still alive
mala said "i will miss him"
tears fell

i can't imagine what kind of laughter he had
the life he lived
surrounded by his children and grandchildren

there was incense burning
some offerings of coconuts and other fruits

i sat there
watching the women chattering away around the lifeless body
all in tamil
were they ignoring the fact that someone has passed?
or they simply believe that he is passing on to the next life?
i wasn't sure
while the men sat outside also talking to each other

somehow the sorrow, the smell of the incense, the recorded chanting
all were too much for me
i'm sure it's even more overwhelming to dear mala

just continue to pray that the living will be comforted
while tears continues, peace will come from above

start of the 2nd book

2007-07-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

went to TTC library and borrowed the 2nd book that i need to read for the 10-page paper for fuller application...

the cover is very pretty. and the content is focusing on biblical view of missions or rather exergetical synthesis of the bible on the topic of missions.

hopefully i will be able to finish it much faster than the last one since i'm taking some time off to stay at home and read...

gambate to me!

back to Singapore

2007-07-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

just came back to sg last night around 11pm. the plane was jammed packed and i ran into dr james huang and his wife. it was nice to catch up with them a bit and have some company on the plane. i think it was special providence from the Lord. i was also very fortunate to have my friend tracey pick me up at the airport.

this morning went back to NTU ESC since i've been away for 2 saturdays. felt a little guilty that i can't help as much as i can before i depart from here. we went around asking everyone for their best vacation or memories in life. i shared about my trip to taiwan. i sorta rushed thru the sharing and didn't think i did a very good job so want to recap and write out my experience on this trip.

1. it was nice to be re-acquainted to taiwan again after so many years. although i've gone back several times in the past few years (due to weddings and wedding dinners), somehow this trip brought a more complete pictures of where taiwan has progressed to today. the subway train system seems to have brought a lot of good to taipei. people are better mannered, line up to get into the trains, and the trains/train stations were very clean...

i thought the funniest thing is that people are so afraid to sit in the "priority seats" (seats reserved for the elderly, pregnant women, children, and those with physical disabilities). i heard at least two or three times that the teenagers joking about feeling very "paiseh" to sit in those seats.

2. good service. almost all the service staff everywhere were all very polite and nice and patient. they always greet you when you enter the store and try very hard to be helpful.

3. good food. there are just so many varieties of foods with a lot of japanese influence. ms G and i really loved all the beautiful and yummy cakes. as a result, i'm going on diet again in the coming weeks... (even my hairdresser commented that i've gained weight... )

4. more visible presence of Christianity. the church reaching out with creative ways and great emphasis on missions work around the world. the day before i came back, i was invited to a restaurant workers' fellowship meeting because a lady was being baptised. i just thought it was so wonderful to know that the Gospel is being spread to the common people. i also paid a visit to steve, an old friend from Wa. he was sharing with me of this project that his group has embarked on--"ark #1", which is a traveling truck that would allow their band to perform in the night markets in order to share the Gospel with the masses. pray that God will make their path smooth and go ahead of them so that many will come to His saving grace.

another two ways of evangelism are my godmother's old folks college and radio programs. i visited two Christian radio stations by chance and read one station's 30th anniversary magazine and realized that when i was young, some of the children from church were invited to record children's radio shows. so cool to be linked back to things that we've done in the past.

5. this is more on a personal side... family or familee. i was able to visit aunt milly's new home and stayed briefly. she looked really good despite the fact that she just had a big tumor removed and is going to go thru chemotherapy. i also went hiking with ken and terry... later went to their house for dinner. (terry cooked!) their little apartment looked fantastic with all the interesting storage spaces hidden (will post pix). i also sat thru a radio interview of ken at the goodnews station. i was very moved to hear stories of his life that i've never had the chance to hear of. i know that God has been really good to our familee and been using all of us in different corners and parts of the world.

this is longer than i would like to usually write but i guess i had a lot of thoughts after this 2-week trip.

actually... i am hoping that i'll have more chance to interact with all the people i've met. they've all blessed me A LOT.

caught in the craze %-)

2007-07-16T02:08:00.000-07:00

i've only been in taiwan for a week and i've fallen in love with this new young mandarin pop singer--yang zong wei. (here's a link to this tw website that allows you to listen for 30 min worth of free songs if you register... not sure if it works outside of tw... http://web.ezpeer.com/cd/c31344s7665.html)

in the few interviews that i've seen, he seems to be a very plain, simple, straight forward, nice, and honest guy that you would trust letting your daughter go out alone with.

actually this is one of those "american idol", "project superstar", "britain's got talent" type of singing competition. this group, xin guan bang (star light gang), is the result of the competition.

i think i can listen to this guy sing all night long and not get bored.

death by taiwanese food

2007-07-14T04:27:00.000-07:00

it's been 5 days since i came back to taiwan. it's amazing how much you can eat in 5 days and the variety of foods they offer here. funny girl G has been repeating herself with the phrase "i can die here" because of all the good foods. (will post pix later)

well, today finally had a chance to stop from serious eating and do some damage control. i went hiking with my cousin ken, his wife terry, and lilian (a family friend). we went to the famous "yan ming shan". somehow in all my years in taiwan, i've never been hiking there even once. maybe it's because i grew up with a dad who doesn't like to hike (so he said in the car tonight).

thank God that the weather was super nice. when i woke up in the morning and looked out the window, i thought.. "gosh.. it looks hot and humid and maybe it will rain... not sure how i am going to survive today's hike" but as i went out, there was this nice breeze. although i was already sweating by just walking around on the street, it felt good because of the breeze.

we met around 10:30 at the Bei Tou MRT station and waited for a bus while we caught up with one another's lives. took this small bus up the mountain and started off on this trial by a temple. it was all uphill!!! we must have climbed uphill for hours but we took short breaks in between and enjoyed some fruits and food they prepared. the majority of the hike was uphill which was nice (because i really hate how going downhill can be so slippery and scary... and it hurts my knees and thighs). we walked thru this place that used to be the opening of a volcano and there used to be a small lake but it's all dried up now. well, to cut the story short, it was a very hard hike but rewarding hike because i had a break from eating and could do some serious exercise to sweat off all the calories and oil from fried chicken chop, din tai feng's "real" meat little steamed bao, yummy taiwanese style tapanyaki, all the delicious and delicate cakes from any bakery in the city, shaved ice desserts, bubble tea, grass jelly milk tea, dan shui fish balls... etc...

the entire hike took us nearly 6 hours to complete. LOL but it was really worth it.

(warning: food pictures posted in a later time might turn friends to enemies. if you cannot tahan and still want to be my friend, please don't look at the pictures. )

if..., would you?

2007-07-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

if you search deep into your heart
your intuition, your subconsciousness
would you find that you do love and care for me as i do for you?

if you look into the songs you sent to me before
would you see that there's a common theme and message?

if you think back of our time together tonight
would you realize that we belong together
just like how it was tonight?

if you ever gotten the courage
would you let me know of how you truly feel inside?

if you truly treasure me as who i am
would you abandon your fears and committ to me and me alone?

if we could start on a different note in a different time and space
would we end up happily ever after?

if you would examine how much time we also interact with each other
would you find that we have occupied much of each other's life?

if,
would you?

Happy Independence Day!

2007-07-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

Just want to be a little patriotic here... Although there was no fireworks or hamburgers, I did go out tonight and had some brownies (without ice cream) with some friends. Although I didn't say anything about it, it was on my mind all day long.

Just want to say Happy Independence Day, America!

Although I only grew up partly in America, there have been much positive influence (and negative ) upon my life during those years. My high school and college days were very important in shaping who I am today. Having been away for so many years, I've also grown to treasure the freedom, the space, the abundance of everything, and some good values that I experienced there.

Just pray that the American people would turn back to the good Lord who has so richly blessed this amazing country and her people. Pray that the country and people will stand up for righteousness and justice and please God with our lives.

separation

2007-06-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

from the day we are conceived
we start to separate
grow so one day we are born
born so the cord can be cut
grow bigger to crawl, walk, run
for our independence
for dreams and aspirations
because "the time" has come
to move further yet closer
to what we desire
deep down in our hearts
to the life that God has given us
a never ending process and cycle
hellos and goodbyes
until that one day
when we are no more seprated

intuition and rationalization

2007-06-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

"the heart is the most deceptive above all..."

with my intuition and my rationalization
self discipline is more of doing
what i like, when i like, with whom i like
decisions in life can change according to the I and R.
can you even call that self discipline?

i really don't know what i want or like
except for my I and R

can i live thru life in this way?
i probablly will always depend on these two friends and foe

how does God come in all this?
is this just the way He made me?
can He tolerate me although i can't even tolerate myself this way?

to these, i have no answer
i'll continue to seek and ask

pirates and persumptions

2007-06-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

just watched pirates, the worlds end.... finally!!!!

tks to G who agree to go with me and sit thru that 168 minutes of thrill and laughs.

i actually thought it was entertaining and so did G. ok ok... people are right in saying that there were parts that moved too slowly but i think it's still faster than spiderman 3. :p people said there's no plot and storyline, i still saw a coherent theme running thru it. people say that there were too many characters introduced but aren't they all still supporting the main characters who got a fair share of the screen time? (yipee for seeing orlando bloom's handsome face on the big screen for quite a few shots) :D

i still appreciate the adventures and the focus on freedom (that's basically what they were fighting for). the romance was too cheesy for me. special effects, make up and costumes were really cool. (tons of stunt people were used since we sat thru the credits to watch "the very end" of the movie...) this 3rd movie also answered a lot of questions that were raised in the 2nd movie, introduced the pirates' world/culture, exposed the imaginative side of people for the ever changing seas. oh, and chow yun fat! too bad that he died too early in the movie. :(

so another conclusion i have about this movie and movie watching in general is that people will usually stick to their presumptions of certain movies, trilogies, and actors. i pretty much have very good vibes and liked the last two pirates movies, love the main actors and anticipated that i would be able to find interesting lines, stories, analogies, thoughts from this movie. i knew i would like it actually...

but for many of my friends who never liked johnny depp or the other two pirates movies, i hear more negative comments.

unless it's a horrendous movie that's beyond hope, i think hollywood captures this presumptuous side of people. i hope ocean's 13 is not just a whole bunch of handsome guys in redeeming the price i pay for the movie... ha.. :D

Pirates are coming...

2007-05-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's day!

2007-05-13T03:57:00.000-07:00

Just want to wish all mothers out there a very happy and blessed mother's day! Also... for all spiritual moms out there. You might not have your own biological children but you have many spiritual children out there, lives touched by your nurturing.

Thank you for your sacrifices, love, care, food, heart to heart chats, prayers, tears...

wow... amazing...

2007-05-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

last saturday when i went out jogging, i prayed to God... "help me to know that You love me..." then a bird poo pooed on me. i thought... "so much for asking God to show me love..."

but this morning as i think back, there were many things that happened to me that were pretty amazing...

monday... treated to a penang buffet at the king's copthrone hotel. it was yummilicious. :d
tuesday... lots of fun and free food with the BBTC YAM at pasir ris park with 5 friends from ESC.
wednesday... free tickets to "phantom of the opera" (not just any seat but really good circle one seats) with my good friend, ey... we enjoyed pretty good food and the sunset view at the marina sq food loft. she drove us there and to esplanade and home!
today... beautiful blue sky on the way to work. OH... and i won the EAST t-shirt design contest! $100 dollars and people get to wear my new design.

i think God is amazing...