I've had a few days of "rest" after our intensive cohort meeting for two weeks. When I bought the plane ticket, I was thinking that there's a Chinese church in Honolulu that my dad had mentioned that I can share with their English/youth fellowship. I also thought I can spend some time with my uncle (dad's oldest brother) and aunt. But a couple of weeks before I came out to Hawaii, I found out that my dad didn't remember which church that he talked to. My uncle was going on a business trip. What I had assumed that would work simply didn't turn out.
So these few days I have been "alone" since I have no other friends on the island. I also get anxious/nervous in a new, unfamiliar environment with unpredicted possibilities. (Small things like whether I can find a parking space in a popular tourist destination would make me uneasy.) Although I was going out to places, I can't really enjoy hiking in the mountains with beautiful views or the beautiful water and waves of the ocean. And when I went to Hanauma Bay, this place that's famous for corrals and tropical fishes, I was worried most of the time about being stung by jelly or lost in the current. Life just seem to suck and horrible. It's like one of those jokes about having a great bottle of wine just to discover there is not cork screw to open the bottle.
Despite my inability to truly enjoy this pretty awesome and dream vacation destination for many people, I still went out everyday and tried.
Yesterday when I was walking down this beautiful beach, I complained to God. But today when I walked along the same beach, it suddenly dawned on me. I can't believe that I am being so unhappy about one thing in my life and forgetting everything else that I have been blessed with. I started to give thanks and count my blessings--for having family in Hawaii that I can stay with and save a lot of money from hotel stays; for being able to borrow my uncle and aunt's car to go to the beaches these few days; for dad who paid part of my plane ticket; for eyes to see such beautiful sceneries; for legs to walk up and down the beach; for good health; for opportunities to study and learn things that I really enjoy... Although I still wish I had some company, I know that this is my lot in life at this point of time.
It is a matter of focus... of where I put my focus and perspective.
