living in the pressure of the bad economy

my parents are full-time christian workers before i was even born. this life style of faith, dependence on God is nothing new. when i started to raise support for my own finances, i did go through a points in my support raising history that freaked me out until i cry to God and said "You got me here. You have to be responsible for my needs..." and every time He comes thru without fail. just like the Israelite wondering 40 years in the desert with no lack in food, water, clothing, Yahweh is the same yesterday and today.

but this month has been tough for me.

my financial support account is slightly red but i am pulling all the strings, asking for help like i should. with the bad news of how bad wall street and the big banks are not doing well, people's pockets are tight. that thought did cross my mind..."would it affect my finances? would people give less because of the bad economy?" but also "would God continue to provide? isn't He the source of all? everything belongs to Him?"

actually... it's not so much of the "big" things but the small things that are getting to me these few weeks. i was sick when i was in Atlanta. had to go into the emergency room (ke-chin), then go to another clinic to do some additional blood test (ke-chin-chin), had to get medication (ke-chin)... then i also got my book list for ethno module 2 (which is a list of about 16 books... ke-chin, ke-chin, ke-chin).

THEN... my eye glasses broke out of the blue yesterday morning. so i went to get a new pair today. i knew it's going to cost me and i even went to a Christian optometrist that my parents go to but still after all the wonderful discount, i still had to pay an arm and a leg for a new pair of glasses. (ke-chin)

on the way home, emotions were running. tears came down. i was grateful for the discounts and the fact that i am fully supported financially. i am far better than many people living in worse conditions. it's not like i have no money in the bank (although not much) or won't know where the next meal is coming from (we have plenty of food at home). but still... i think i felt that anxiety and fear many people must be feeling now. wondering if we will actually survive this scary time for most people.

with experience and the history, i know it will be better and maybe today will be forgotten. but for now, i am grabbing on God like nobody's business and trust that He does care.