I made someone feel uncomfortable yesterday. Or at least I think...
When I met Joshua, my black American husband, I was entirely impressed with his intellect, eloquence in preaching, beautiful and thoughtful writings. I was so thankful to God that He has provided a wonderful partner in life who is also willing to go overseas for missions work or whatever God calls us to do. When we met, we also knew and discussed the complexity of race and ethnicity in the US.
We discussed about having children and we both love children. He wanted 5 and I was thinking 2. So we had a compromise. We have three, three beautiful brown chocolate colored boys. We also discussed and wondered how they will grow up and think about their own bi-racial identity.
In the past 5 1/2 years of our lives in Ghana, there were times when people make comments about their color (they are usually as seen as "obruni" or whites) but most of the time people say this as a description because their skin color is fairer than most of their friends and the people around.
Yesterday, I took the boys to the pediatrician for a regular check up in Nashville, where we are living for the time duration of our home assignment. It was a rather long and stressful exercise because of the different systems, examinations, and the fact that I have three boys with me. Afterwards, I thought it would be nice to bring them to the Chick-fil-A nearby so they can play at the little playground. I rushed all the boys into the car and made sure they were buckled up. We all went into the restaurant with me trying to make sure they stay safe and not disturb other people too much. We sat down and got our food. The boys went to play at the playground after they ate. In the mean time, there was this one particular older white gentleman who was helping to clear the tables and asking people if they needed a refill. During the entire time that we were there, this man almost ignored us except to take our tray away to the trash. And after the boys have been playing for a while, I was conscious of the fact that the restaurant was busy so I asked this gentleman if I should pack away my things from the table. His reply was almost rude by saying "just leave them there".
I didn't want to feel like I'm being too sensitive to this whole sticky racial dynamics in the US plus I had to attend to these three busy boys. We left and I wondered about the whole situation but was too tired to talk to anybody about it until this morning. We were having breakfast and I told my sister-in-law about what took place then she confirmed my suspicion that this older gentleman probably was "uncomfortable" (not her exact words) with a Asian woman and three "black" boys. I suppose I can go back to the store and confront him or clarify things but until then, this was what took place and my experience.
I guess I feel like I need to write about it not to condemn anyone or to make others feel sorry for me and the boys but just to state the fact that yes, we have a very complicated and painful history of racial relations in the US that is still affecting us. In addition, a Black-Asian relationship or family is not too common. Even for a place like Chick-fil-A, a very successful "Christian" business, things are not just going to go away without more intentional "work" from various institutions (like churches and even their company) to address and help people understand the prejudices and historical context and just the fact that "sin" is still at work in our hearts and minds.
