our outreach starts tomorrow evening... the english speaking corner (ESC)
and as of now, we have not confirmed where we will meet...
and... my friends are taking class for the next two mondays (cat) and sick (liz)
funny though, i have this overwhelming sense of peace as if the sky falls, i won't be harmed... i am worried though..."what if we don't have a place to go to, what do we do? what if i'm the only teacher there tomorrow, will i be able to handle it? what if i can't do a good job in teaching? what if the people who come get disappointed or give up half way?"
i guess even if i think of all the possibilities, many of these things will probably turn out very differently from "my" possibilities...
pray, i pray like crazy... Lord, this is Your ministry and work... help us in these things that we have no control over... and help us do our part well. :)
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
trust is what He wants
i've recently decided to fast one day a week... for personal reasons and church needs.
today at lunch i was discussing about this with my friend. somehow she asked me how to discern God's will when there seems to have many open doors. i told her, sometimes whether a door is opened or not depends on one's perspective. i gave her the example, if i overlook the conditions of going to certain countries for missions, i think i can make it to most places in this world with no problem. but it was because i had laid down certain conditions of a environment also for my personal well being and growth, i didn't just go anywhere. same goes for choosing life partner...
but this has been a struggle for me... what's the will of God when it comes to some of those grey areas of our needs... the needs are real but not "necessary" to have in life... or there can be multiple possibilities...but as for someone's salvation, that's kinda a sure thing that when we pray, God's desire is for people to be saved (spelled out clearly somewhere in John)... but other areas are not that black and white... and so one week i was praying for something to go one way, the next, i am wondering if what i prayed is God's will and what if it's not then maybe i need to pray the other way???? (so confusing...)
well, our librarian, julie recommended me to read this book on spiritual discipline. as i was reading it on the MRT, it dawned on me that not being sure of how things will definitely turn out is where HE wants us to be... by not being sure, i would have to cry out to HIM and trust HIM every single moment in my life when it comes to these decisions... God can choose to give or not give...He's sovereign. He knows what's best for us... but He always wants us to give our full attention to HIM.
it's not for us to "know" but to "trust"... not sure if it makes sense... we will know eventually but in the process we just need to trust Him... the Sovereign God who is faithfull and good... loving and just...
the other day, a friend was very upset because of relationship problems... i didn't know how to counsel her and pray for them... last year a girl was going to SA and needed my advice when she didn't seem to get her visa in time... i told them both...i don't know how to pray for you... i don't know... i just pray and ask God for wisdom and His Will to be shown...
now i know... it's in these "i don't know" moments that God becomes real and the only One we could possibily grab on to... He's the only One we can trust... Trust and obey, for there's no other way... and "I'd rather have Jesus than anything..."
today at lunch i was discussing about this with my friend. somehow she asked me how to discern God's will when there seems to have many open doors. i told her, sometimes whether a door is opened or not depends on one's perspective. i gave her the example, if i overlook the conditions of going to certain countries for missions, i think i can make it to most places in this world with no problem. but it was because i had laid down certain conditions of a environment also for my personal well being and growth, i didn't just go anywhere. same goes for choosing life partner...
but this has been a struggle for me... what's the will of God when it comes to some of those grey areas of our needs... the needs are real but not "necessary" to have in life... or there can be multiple possibilities...but as for someone's salvation, that's kinda a sure thing that when we pray, God's desire is for people to be saved (spelled out clearly somewhere in John)... but other areas are not that black and white... and so one week i was praying for something to go one way, the next, i am wondering if what i prayed is God's will and what if it's not then maybe i need to pray the other way???? (so confusing...)
well, our librarian, julie recommended me to read this book on spiritual discipline. as i was reading it on the MRT, it dawned on me that not being sure of how things will definitely turn out is where HE wants us to be... by not being sure, i would have to cry out to HIM and trust HIM every single moment in my life when it comes to these decisions... God can choose to give or not give...He's sovereign. He knows what's best for us... but He always wants us to give our full attention to HIM.
it's not for us to "know" but to "trust"... not sure if it makes sense... we will know eventually but in the process we just need to trust Him... the Sovereign God who is faithfull and good... loving and just...
the other day, a friend was very upset because of relationship problems... i didn't know how to counsel her and pray for them... last year a girl was going to SA and needed my advice when she didn't seem to get her visa in time... i told them both...i don't know how to pray for you... i don't know... i just pray and ask God for wisdom and His Will to be shown...
now i know... it's in these "i don't know" moments that God becomes real and the only One we could possibily grab on to... He's the only One we can trust... Trust and obey, for there's no other way... and "I'd rather have Jesus than anything..."
Thursday, September 15, 2005
reminders of home
it's amazing how certain places, food, people, music, atmosphere can remind me of a place that i probably would identify most as "home". Last night i was with two girls, (1 american, 1 taiwanese who has stayed in the US for a short period of time) shopping at this supermarket called "liberty". they sell a lot of food from the US or AU. it was so funny that we were wooing and wowing over things that u can find usually in other supermarkets here. seeing these things reminded me of home.
and a moment ago, it felt even more so. strange as it might sound, i was at the US embassy adding pages to my passport. (or maybe not so strange now that i think of it) somehow the smell, and the architecture, the tight security??? the fountain, the clerk, not all familiar since i've never been there b4, yet gave me that few minutes of a sense of "home".
maybe it's mom's and mei's attacks of "come home"s lately, plus my serious consideration and dissucussious with diff ppl over this, it is getting to me a little. yet i know clearly that my place is to be here and do all the things that God wants me to do here. most people leave their homes because they want a better life, higher degrees, more opportunities, more freedom, more spaces. but this group of people who call themselves missionaries are diff. it's a high calling with high ideals... a sure ideal, too... :P there are many many testimonies of such men and women...
Jesus's call to follow Him has a high price to pay--family, friends, familiar surroundings, home... well, call me an idealist then. the reward is far greater, eternal...
Monday, September 12, 2005
what i hate most
ever since young, what i hate most is to be falsely accused. i was hit again... tonight...
through the phone conversation, keep hearing the other person talking about this and that is the way it is... as if i am a child who was born yesterday... i was thinking, am i stupid? have i not seen the world more than you've had? on the contrary, from my experience interacting with the person, my pride tells me that i'm far better off than she is... :P i also knew that it is no use if i would defend myself or argue back. (i think i clarified a little bit at the end.) i wasn't sure if i should just hang up the phone and pretend that something happened to the phone...(oops, something was wrong with my phone...) hahaha... (hee hee... my evilness is coming out.. ha ha ha...) or... the possibilities are endless...
while i was listening to the person talk, my blood pressure was building up... but i was praying in my heart, "God, give me the patience that is needed. Help me to be humbled. I might have more experience and even more abilities than this person, I still need to be humble and try to learn whatever this person has to offer. Afterall, this Kingdom building business is not mine. It's God's and God uses us all differently." i survived the phone conversation... but coming out from it, i was also wondering... all this chinese-ness of politeness that i was exercising, would it become this "fu1 yan3" thing that i am doing... i really didn't have the heart or the mind to listen, but being chinesee and polite, i endured... endured... such a painful yet truthful word...
sigh... i find that there are always so much growth to do in this journey of life, this ministry that God has called me to be faithful to...
(one of the "accusations"... holding too tightly and expecting a group of people will always stay in one church...)
finding balance is hard... being put "in charge" of a group of people or even have people crossing your path means (after these few years in SG and having learned from a close friend, fabulous leader ;)) God wants you to be "reponsible" in taking care of them (spend time to find out things in their lives so you can encourage them along...) yet at the same time, only God knows EVERYTHING that happens in people's lives and HE would watch over every step of their way... although i might be responsible for the people crossing my path, God's still the BOSS. He is in charge and He has His timing to heal, to convict, etc...
sigh... i know that ultimately i want to learn to be humbled and that's a life long lessson... and it gets harder as time goes...as experiences increase, as knowledge increases... but... got to continue to learn it...
through the phone conversation, keep hearing the other person talking about this and that is the way it is... as if i am a child who was born yesterday... i was thinking, am i stupid? have i not seen the world more than you've had? on the contrary, from my experience interacting with the person, my pride tells me that i'm far better off than she is... :P i also knew that it is no use if i would defend myself or argue back. (i think i clarified a little bit at the end.) i wasn't sure if i should just hang up the phone and pretend that something happened to the phone...(oops, something was wrong with my phone...) hahaha... (hee hee... my evilness is coming out.. ha ha ha...) or... the possibilities are endless...
while i was listening to the person talk, my blood pressure was building up... but i was praying in my heart, "God, give me the patience that is needed. Help me to be humbled. I might have more experience and even more abilities than this person, I still need to be humble and try to learn whatever this person has to offer. Afterall, this Kingdom building business is not mine. It's God's and God uses us all differently." i survived the phone conversation... but coming out from it, i was also wondering... all this chinese-ness of politeness that i was exercising, would it become this "fu1 yan3" thing that i am doing... i really didn't have the heart or the mind to listen, but being chinesee and polite, i endured... endured... such a painful yet truthful word...
sigh... i find that there are always so much growth to do in this journey of life, this ministry that God has called me to be faithful to...
(one of the "accusations"... holding too tightly and expecting a group of people will always stay in one church...)
finding balance is hard... being put "in charge" of a group of people or even have people crossing your path means (after these few years in SG and having learned from a close friend, fabulous leader ;)) God wants you to be "reponsible" in taking care of them (spend time to find out things in their lives so you can encourage them along...) yet at the same time, only God knows EVERYTHING that happens in people's lives and HE would watch over every step of their way... although i might be responsible for the people crossing my path, God's still the BOSS. He is in charge and He has His timing to heal, to convict, etc...
sigh... i know that ultimately i want to learn to be humbled and that's a life long lessson... and it gets harder as time goes...as experiences increase, as knowledge increases... but... got to continue to learn it...
Monday, July 25, 2005
thoughts after indo trip
can't get into my msn spaces... resort to write something here...
indo trip was good. refreshing. i got to think about stuff. ICC, NTU, life, future, ministry, EAST, friendships...
my fish died after i came back. last year when i went back to the US, my pretty blue fishy died. i half jokingly blamed the friend who took care of my "blue" that she killed it... hahaha... i was thinking today, it's time to change the kind of fish i keep.. maybe i tend to choose the pretty ones that die faster. maybe i should choose something that's not so pretty so it won't die so fast. this sounds quite illogical. just because a fish is pretty, doesn't mean it will die faster. just because a fish is ugly doesn't mean that it will live longer. so goes my fish logic... i'm so weird. %]
yesterday at ICC (church) i was elected as a deaconness for the next 2 years. (wow... 2 more years...) when people congratulate me, i didn't know how to react. should i be happy or be sad? being a deacon carries with it many responsbilities and heartaches. was thinking that i've been getting sick a lot more frequent in the past 2 years. either life is too stressful and/or i'm aging rather quickly. (hopefully nobody who's older is reading this and getting tickled about this.. old? i always tell younger kids.. "never say you are getting old in front of someone older than you...") back to the being deacon thing... definitely a lot more stress. i think i can get to heaven faster. (my dream for a while but never been able to succeed ever since 1996... good old Paul says it best in Phil 1, the latter part.)
it's 11:30 and i should be sleeping... last night i started to think about ICC ministry and other stuff.... my hair said hi to the pillow around 2:30. maybe i 'm becoming like mom more and more... worry more... sleep less.. getting sick more... doing more stuff, getting upset more easily... hmm... (luv ya mom!!! you are awesome!!!) haha...
this is the longest blog that i've written yet... kinda stream of consciousness stuff i write for my personal diaries...
indo trip was good. refreshing. i got to think about stuff. ICC, NTU, life, future, ministry, EAST, friendships...
my fish died after i came back. last year when i went back to the US, my pretty blue fishy died. i half jokingly blamed the friend who took care of my "blue" that she killed it... hahaha... i was thinking today, it's time to change the kind of fish i keep.. maybe i tend to choose the pretty ones that die faster. maybe i should choose something that's not so pretty so it won't die so fast. this sounds quite illogical. just because a fish is pretty, doesn't mean it will die faster. just because a fish is ugly doesn't mean that it will live longer. so goes my fish logic... i'm so weird. %]
yesterday at ICC (church) i was elected as a deaconness for the next 2 years. (wow... 2 more years...) when people congratulate me, i didn't know how to react. should i be happy or be sad? being a deacon carries with it many responsbilities and heartaches. was thinking that i've been getting sick a lot more frequent in the past 2 years. either life is too stressful and/or i'm aging rather quickly. (hopefully nobody who's older is reading this and getting tickled about this.. old? i always tell younger kids.. "never say you are getting old in front of someone older than you...") back to the being deacon thing... definitely a lot more stress. i think i can get to heaven faster. (my dream for a while but never been able to succeed ever since 1996... good old Paul says it best in Phil 1, the latter part.)
it's 11:30 and i should be sleeping... last night i started to think about ICC ministry and other stuff.... my hair said hi to the pillow around 2:30. maybe i 'm becoming like mom more and more... worry more... sleep less.. getting sick more... doing more stuff, getting upset more easily... hmm... (luv ya mom!!! you are awesome!!!) haha...
this is the longest blog that i've written yet... kinda stream of consciousness stuff i write for my personal diaries...
Thursday, July 14, 2005
nite b4 indo
i'm supposed to be preparing for my trip to indo... but with EAST planning and lots of other stuff to deal with (mainly icc stuff bah...) i don't seem to be able to find time... pray... but need to be more discipline and focus myself on it...
kinda looking forward to be with friends again... :) and my indonesian godson... friends... cooler weather... ocean... coconut trees...
kinda looking forward to be with friends again... :) and my indonesian godson... friends... cooler weather... ocean... coconut trees...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
thank God for friends :)
Not quite sure why i have two sites to blog...
had duriansssssssss tonite... can i have too much of it??? :P
the first time i had durian was Aug 1999, my first touch down to SG. and now i am a durian lover... so hard to believe.
well, the real point of this blog is not about durian but about friends. thank God for great friends. i'm so blessed with so many. =) sisters at ICC... great gifts from God.
so how does durian tie in with sisters from God? we had durian together tonite... hahaha... ^_^
had duriansssssssss tonite... can i have too much of it??? :P
the first time i had durian was Aug 1999, my first touch down to SG. and now i am a durian lover... so hard to believe.
well, the real point of this blog is not about durian but about friends. thank God for great friends. i'm so blessed with so many. =) sisters at ICC... great gifts from God.
so how does durian tie in with sisters from God? we had durian together tonite... hahaha... ^_^
Monday, June 27, 2005
trying out collage
How about this? Pretty cool eh? i decided to play with picasa 2 and look what i did... hee hee.. this is a collage of some of my favorite pix from the desaru trip.
pix are a little small but get out your magnifying glass, should be able to see who and what's there ;-p
pix are a little small but get out your magnifying glass, should be able to see who and what's there ;-p
Sunday, June 26, 2005
desaru trip
just came back from desaru. slept a whole lot. finally felt rested. but now that i am back. i wonder if my recharged energy can carry me for another mile of the road that i need to walk. i guess HIS strength is sufficient. i always feel like elijiah. this desaru trip is the sleep and eat rest moment for me. :P 
Thursday, June 23, 2005
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