my parents are full-time christian workers before i was even born. this life style of faith, dependence on God is nothing new. when i started to raise support for my own finances, i did go through a points in my support raising history that freaked me out until i cry to God and said "You got me here. You have to be responsible for my needs..." and every time He comes thru without fail. just like the Israelite wondering 40 years in the desert with no lack in food, water, clothing, Yahweh is the same yesterday and today.
but this month has been tough for me.
my financial support account is slightly red but i am pulling all the strings, asking for help like i should. with the bad news of how bad wall street and the big banks are not doing well, people's pockets are tight. that thought did cross my mind..."would it affect my finances? would people give less because of the bad economy?" but also "would God continue to provide? isn't He the source of all? everything belongs to Him?"
actually... it's not so much of the "big" things but the small things that are getting to me these few weeks. i was sick when i was in Atlanta. had to go into the emergency room (ke-chin), then go to another clinic to do some additional blood test (ke-chin-chin), had to get medication (ke-chin)... then i also got my book list for ethno module 2 (which is a list of about 16 books... ke-chin, ke-chin, ke-chin).
THEN... my eye glasses broke out of the blue yesterday morning. so i went to get a new pair today. i knew it's going to cost me and i even went to a Christian optometrist that my parents go to but still after all the wonderful discount, i still had to pay an arm and a leg for a new pair of glasses. (ke-chin)
on the way home, emotions were running. tears came down. i was grateful for the discounts and the fact that i am fully supported financially. i am far better than many people living in worse conditions. it's not like i have no money in the bank (although not much) or won't know where the next meal is coming from (we have plenty of food at home). but still... i think i felt that anxiety and fear many people must be feeling now. wondering if we will actually survive this scary time for most people.
with experience and the history, i know it will be better and maybe today will be forgotten. but for now, i am grabbing on God like nobody's business and trust that He does care.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
人在福中不知福 (being blessed and yet not realizing it)
Last Saturday happened to be my mom's lunar birthday, which coincide with my birthday (which is not my lunar date but the date on the common calendar we use). It is her 60th birthday and it's a big deal for Chinese (or people of any culture I suppose). A few months ago, we (the family) wanted to plan a surprise party for her, but as there are some complicated matters to consider, we told her of the celebration before hand. at the end, we decided not to have a huge celebration with some sort of formal meeting, but invited some of my parents' and our organization's friends for a Chinese dinner.
As we were thinking of the guest list, my dad asked if I have any friends that I want to invite. My reply was..."I don't have any friends here in LA..." but as we sat down at the dinner table on Saturday night (at the "kids" table
), my older sister, Katherine asked everybody to say something nice or some kind of blessings for my birthday. Being Chinese, it is usually hard to take in compliments from people, but I've learned to appreciate what people say and just be grateful. so I listened without the usual reply... "nah... that's not true... blah blah blah..."
Katherine started the whole thing by appreciating me being there for her when she needs it the most. Then the two ladies from our USA CMI office followed by saying how they appreciate having me around. and others also said nice and complimenting things, blessings.
I listened and realized that I've been wrong. In this past year, trying to adjust to the life here, I was expecting the exact same types of friends that I had in SG. Honestly in that sense, I don't have friends. BUT... I do have friends in LA. In the past year, I've shared life with these ladies in the office. They've listened and prayed with me. I've done the same for them. They are my friends here in LA (not to mention the ladies from my church who have been very caring and supportive to me as well).
Even as I am writing this in Atlanta (visiting for 2 weeks), I still have many dear friends here in this city... I am blessed.
As we were thinking of the guest list, my dad asked if I have any friends that I want to invite. My reply was..."I don't have any friends here in LA..." but as we sat down at the dinner table on Saturday night (at the "kids" table
), my older sister, Katherine asked everybody to say something nice or some kind of blessings for my birthday. Being Chinese, it is usually hard to take in compliments from people, but I've learned to appreciate what people say and just be grateful. so I listened without the usual reply... "nah... that's not true... blah blah blah..."Katherine started the whole thing by appreciating me being there for her when she needs it the most. Then the two ladies from our USA CMI office followed by saying how they appreciate having me around. and others also said nice and complimenting things, blessings.
I listened and realized that I've been wrong. In this past year, trying to adjust to the life here, I was expecting the exact same types of friends that I had in SG. Honestly in that sense, I don't have friends. BUT... I do have friends in LA. In the past year, I've shared life with these ladies in the office. They've listened and prayed with me. I've done the same for them. They are my friends here in LA (not to mention the ladies from my church who have been very caring and supportive to me as well).
Even as I am writing this in Atlanta (visiting for 2 weeks), I still have many dear friends here in this city... I am blessed.
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