it takes a village to raise a child...

it takes a village to raise a child and apparently the family of Christ to make a wedding happen

i was thinking this morning that weddings seem to be about the bride, the dress, the groom, flowers, music, gifts, etc... of course there are people involved but i never realized how many people it required

in the past couple of weeks, my older sister who is my wedding coordinator has been busy calling different people figuring out the various details and arrangements. then she would call me asking if i know this and that... also creating a list of things that i need to do. never in my life am i actually glad to have my big sister calling me and making sure that i am doing this and that. (i just didn't like having somebody telling me all the things that i need to do)

besides my big sister, my mom and dad have also been calling various church members from Atlanta Chinese Christian Church (ACCC, where the wedding will take place and where i spent 10 meaningful years of my life growing and maturing). people have been responding and asking how they can help with tremendous zeal and helpfulness. it is a wedding between two poor full-time ministry workers who come from two full-time ministers' homes. (basically we just don't have much money....) so we really depend on whatever help people can offer us.

actually now i think about it, people have been offering lots of help ever since they heard of the good news. i've gotten A LOT of help from one of my best friends, wei wei, along with my younger sister, jennier c. and many others.

this wedding is definitely not a casual, simple thing. it's the result of people's love, time, energy, money, poured out. and i'm very grateful.

i am looking forward to the big day not just because it's going to be life changing, but also knowing that it's the celebration of many good friends, family, and the Body of Christ coming together.

step into the unknown

one of my favorite things for summer time in LA is the outdoor concerts at the Hollywood Bowl. it's even more awesome when fireworks are involved (it's the July 4th weekend afterall). Besides the music, the ambience, the exciting picnic food possibilities, there is also the time to sit, to talk with friends and family (we spend too much time in front of the tv, computers, and our phones... well, i am guilty as charged if not the queen of doing all of the above)...

so...

last night in the midst of the conversation, my friend commented on my recent turning of events, in getting married in september, moving across the country in a month's time, to become a part of a wonderful southern Black family that can be pretty different from my own Chinese family, and whatever is to come in becoming a wife, a mother, and hopefully a good support for a wonderful man in what God has called him to be and do... all of that as being brave and daring. so i told her "well, it's how God's been leading all my life. it just doesn't seem different this time around".

but later as i thought about it more, although J and i have not known each other for a long time, we've been able to become close if not best friends in sharing and being able to cheer each other on for the challenges in our lives. it is not hard to pour my life and trust my future into J just because of who he is (and that's through my own judgement, comments from close friends to both of us, and also new friends that i've gotten to know because of him, plus his family members)...

and the thing that i keep coming back (besides what i've written above) is the fact that all my life, i know that God is the One that has been watching over, leading every step, every move that i've made from taiwan to atlanta to burma to singapore to LA... and wherever else He is taking me (and us in the future). there were some hardships along the way, life issues that i have faced. and for some things, i need more work on. BUT, He has been great. it is not scary to go forward. it is not my own bravery or adventurous spirit (i might have some of that but like my name, Pauline, i often feel little and timid of doing even some simple things in daily life). it's just like knowing how J is and trusting that things will be ok. knowing God through out the years also requires that i would trust Him more and more. i think He makes it easy.

so how stepping into the unknown will turn out really depends on whom you are walking with and whom do you trust in leading you into the unknown...

to be married off

so i've also just come back from spending some extended time with Joshua and his family, particularly his dad since i stayed at his place for about a week. before i met Bishop Settles (Joshua's dad), i already heard Joshua describe what kind of man he is. i think it was back in January, after my first visit that he wrote on my facebook something to the effect of welcoming me as his future daughter-in-law (before there was any formal proposal, chinese or american ways). and so for this visit, i had the opportunity to spend some mornings with him just to chat over coffee and his really delicious apple raisin oatmeal.

ever since i got to know Joshua, i have been learning about the struggles and the painful history for the Black Americans. somehow the high school and colleges i went to never taught me this part of the american history. before i met Joshua's dad, i was thinking that i'll ask him about his experiences as a Black American thru his childhood, Civil rights movement, etc. but as the two of us sat down over breakfast, our conversations did not revolve around some historic incidents or experiences but just common, everyday, life kinda stuff. so i found out that we both love to desserts, have dealt with people problems within the church, and for me to hear stories of Joshua growing up as a child and of his marriage with his late wife. it wasn't about my Chinese past and his Black American experiences. it was about us being people with families, as ministers of God to His people.

after my 3-week trip, i'm home and i've been sick. i just haven't had much time to share with my parents of my experience in the past three weeks. so when i did talk to my mom briefly over dinner the other night, there were a lot of concerns and worries. it's as if getting married to a wonderful man and family who happen to be "Black" is a disease that requires lots of caution and maybe even some vaccination shots. (ok... maybe that's a little bit too exaggerated but it sure doesn't make me feel like i'm being trusted for my decision to marry this Black Southern American man)

in the past few months it did occur to me that although i've been very exposed to various peoples and cultures, lived in very rural mountainous areas of SE asia, grew up in "the south" and feeling rather southern at times, felt thoroughly welcomed by Joshua's family and friends, all these experiences are "mine" until i share as much of my experiences with my parents for them to understand how amazingly at home i've felt in the past three weeks.

i suppose i am being "married off" since i'm a girl and will be moving across country, joining my new family, learning Black, southern culture... i suppose my parents feel like they are losing me to "the unknown" and maybe even into a very scary "Black" family. but so far in my own experiences, i'd have to say i'm sooooooooo looking forward to this new chapter of my life, in learning, failing, love and hate my life at the same time... i do believe our skin color affected our life experiences but i've found lots of similarities just by being human. and if history has proven of God's faithfulness and goodness in my life, i don't see how this would be any different from before. i've lived in a couple of foreign country for years knowing very little about those places and ended up loving those peoples. i don't think it will always be easy but it will be good. it will be good not just because i know the Settles will be good to me, but also that God is good and faithful.

mom and dad, i guess i'll try harder to help you get a glimpse of how good my world is. and i pray that you will trust God and His leading. His "good, perfect and pleasing" will for my life and future.

worship "team": learning about worship in community

just came back on a trip where i spent 2 weeks as a volunteer at the Southeast regional InterVarsity's chapter camp. well, so it happens that Joshua was the worship leader/coordinator for the first week where we did a mix of traditional hymns, hillsong songs, and of course several gospel pieces. i wasn't supposed to play (keyboard) for the 2nd week but was asked and i more than gladly accepted.

i have to say that both weeks brought challenges but of different kinds. in the past 10 years or so of my worship leading/playing/singing experiences, it's always been songs that i have chosen or with styles or chord progressions that are very familiar to my fingers. but not these 2 weeks. i've always wanted to learn how to play gospel style and/or jazz style songs but never had the discipline to see it through. so it's come back to bite me. our team came together after a couple of days and i was able to hide my poor keyboard skills because every team member was talented. i was very grateful that one night when i couldn't play the intro to Grateful that the flautist, bassist, and drummer covered me. it was especially painful to disappoint Joshua, my dear friend, future husband and worship leader because the gospel pieces really depended on my playing. but i learned to accept my limitations and will improve upon it in the months to come.

week 2 was a different beast altogether. we did many songs by Jesus Culture (something like Your Love Never Fails). basically the style of the songs were more rock, which is something almost entirely unfamiliar to me (esp. in terms of how the keyboard functions in a band). on top of that, it's also an entirely different team dynamics because half of the people on the team come from the same area and have been working together for a certain amount of time. i think it's always hard when there are established relationships in a group and you are supposed to become the same team within a short time. i have to say that it was a little disheartening to me. basically i felt like a failure all through out those few nights playing for worship.

but here is the irony. multiple people came up to me during the 2nd week and told me how good i played. i received their compliments with a smile and sometimes doing the chinese thing by saying: "nah, it wasn't really anything..." but with more than just one person who came up to me, it made me think harder as to why people were complimenting me.

maybe after a couple of days it dawned on me... it wasn't my playing but it was my contribution to the overall sound of the team that made it good. (because it's hard to think playing the same 4 chords thru out an entire song is that difficult to do... hahaha) this is something that i've not really experienced much. i think i've always been the one-woman show but this time around i was "one part" of the team and not "the team". it was certainly very humbling and maybe a hard lesson to learn because i needed to trust that the other excellent musicians and i could compliment each other in creating music that might help people enter into worshipping God.

i guess i will always have more to learn and grow from...

process

with the wedding preparation on the way, there are many new experiences and thoughts that come with it. i've been thinking about the process of preparation, particularly for the wedding itself.

i've recently told someone that i would rather focus on preparing to build a new life instead of focusing on the wedding itself... because the wedding is only one day but being married is "till death do us part". i guess both J and i are rather practical people, plus we are poor (well, full-time Christian workers seem to have a better witness if we don't have money... hmm...). growing up as a little girl, unlike many others, i've not really dreamed of how my wedding will be or what place or what dress or what music will be at the wedding. with all these years of waiting for the right person, maybe i've also grown weary thinking about even the possibility of getting married. when J and i first decided to officially date, he did ask me what i might want in a wedding. i think i thought briefly and do have some ideas... but not as elaborate as some others would think and dream of.

so with the wedding prep underway, i've been receiving various advices for and questions about the wedding. i'm very thankful that i have very good friends, sisters, mother's friends, who are more than willing to chip in and contribute. so many of them think of things that i haven't thought about. (i guess this is where the but comes in) but... it can be rather confusing and stressful at times because J and i just want simple but simple might be interpreted as "cheap" or "not proper". i think sometimes i just want to skip over all this preparation "process" and just be married and go on with our life together.

but then i start to realize the necessity of having this process and having to go through all the "trouble". time does allow certain things or issues to surface no matter if it's good or bad. going through the process with all the stresses and ideas, i'm learning about the people around me that i wouldn't otherwise have a chance to know. i'm learning about myself in ways that i've not experienced before. and i think this process also makes me grateful because God is at work in my life and stretching me again. i have to go back to His Word, get on my knees so that i would be able to find peace and be at rest in His arms again.

i suppose God stretches people through different circumstances, opportunities, and stresses. and somehow His intention is "good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purposes". and so going thru the process is only necessary

engaged??!!

my family and friends know that i've prayed for marriage and family for a long time (maybe for about 10-15 years?). and they have also been praying for a long time. it has been a rather long and tiring journey filled with weird and interesting stories.

when i met joshua last year, everything suddenly seemed to move rather quickly for our relationship. but it wasn't at a pace that seemed too fast for the both of us. i guess after 10-15 years of waiting, my time has reached its fullness.

so even after our first meeting in person back in Nov, we've talked about a timeline of how things might work out in our relationship. at the time, it seemed reasonable. it was with the considerations of joshua's work schedule requirements (he's taking a team to Ghana this summer for missions), my studies (almost done with my DMiss degree at Fuller), our age and desire to have children (he wants quite a few and i love kids too), and also a reasonable adjustment period for our families. i had also wanted my uncle to marry us, and since he's a very busy man, we've tentatively set a date for our wedding on Sept 11, 2010.

so joshua's visit was a determining point or a point of confirmation for whether we'll continue to follow the timeline we've discussed previously or not. as far as i know, joshua has been much more than i can ever imagine as a suitable future husband and father of my children. i had no doubt that we would make a good couple and family especially in serving the Lord and (hopefully) bringing glory to our mighty God and King.

and as i had thought, his visit went very well. i was especially appreciative of his willingness to accommodate and learn about chinese culture and ways of doing things... to at least try the different foods (like sea cucumber and chicken feet) and say "ya, that's pretty tasty". to preach at my church and get the approval of my current church family, to endure the stare from random chinese people walking down the streets of alhambra or even getting some impolite treatment at this chinese grocery store. to spend time with me and my family even when he has a million things to take care of related to his job.

so ya, we are engaged (in a very chinese, community, family kinda way instead of the american, individualistic kind of way), and have started to prepare for our wedding in sept and our life together. (to say those words together in a sentence still seems rather surreal to me.)

(here's his rather humorous version of our engagement and future plans... On Engagement Rings, Oreos, and Impromptu Parties)

i am thoroughly grateful... to God, our families, friends because of all the prayers, words of encouragement, good advices, willingness to chip in and help for the wedding prep. i'm grateful for God's design, good timing, perfect will that i can truly testify now.

really... thank you all who have prayed along the way, who have been by my side when things didn't work out, with the tears and frustrations... and for those who are still waiting on God's good design and plan, i'll be praying for you and trust that He has the best in mind for you as well. :)

God is the God of China and all creation

one of the reasons why i really enjoy talking to my beau, Joshua, is that we can be just talking about random things in our lives and somehow come up with really cool missiology or theological insights...

this morning we had an awesome conversation. i thought it's worth blogging about since it was sorta my idea and he made it better :D:D:D

somewhere in the conversation, i said:

"God is the God of China and all creation"

i said that because of a small observation i made from the conference we had this past weekend (the Missions Prayer Conference in LA). during the first night's worship, we sang How Great Thou Art. since the conference was conducted in mandarin, naturally the powerpoint slides were all presented in chinese. but what was interesting (no matter if it was intentional or not), is that the background of the slides that might look something like this. when looking at these kinds of images, it just communicates "China" or chinese... it's pretty amazing of how God made mountains, trees, and the fogs in a certain way. when looking at the exact combination of what that scenery looks like, it just says "china"...

usually when we sing How Great Thou Art, people talk about the beauties of creation, the Grand Canyon or the Niagara Falls, which are all awesome creations that give us a sense of... well... awe. God also made the Yellow Mountains or the Stone Forest of China.

here's where Joshua made this whole discussion even more meaningful... when he commented on how amazing "God is the God of China and all creation", i understood the deeper implication of what i said. God is both specific and general in how He relates to people. when i said that God is the God of China, it means that He's very specific in creating the people, culture, and even the sceneries are that uniquely Chinese. yet at the same time, He is general in that He made ALL things because He rules over ALL!

sometimes we tend to generalize the fact that we are all christians and we are all the same but in turn might reflect the fact that we have lost our unique identity as an individual and even a cultural group. it is important for those of us who believe in God and follow Jesus to see that we belong to ONE Lord. but at the same time, it is also important for us to appreciate who we are as individuals and cultures in our contribution to making that ONE richer and more complete. if we do not know who we are or the unique contribution we can offer from our culture, how are we to contribute to the whole of the Body of Christ?