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The Passion of the Christ and pregnancy

last night at UCHC we went to the Good Friday service and husband was presiding and speaking (one of the 7 last words of Christ). before he preached, he started to call names of people and asking them to go up and share. of course he didn't mention it ahead of time that he was going to do that to me. but he did. usually i would be pretty nervous about this kind of last minute stuff especially up on the stage in front of people. but maybe because i've seen how it's done very frequently at the Pentecostal churches, i was rather calm about it. i didn't hear or he didn't say what he wanted me to do so i was sitting there thinking about what i will say or sing (because it could be either one of those things). as i thought about what i might share with the people, the images of The Passion of The Christ came into my mind. we watched part of it the other night since it was on TV. i think because i am pregnant and expecting a son, the scenes where they focused on Jesus and His mother, Mary's relationship drew out a lesson that i've not thought much about.

the movie was done from a Catholic angle of the Passion (or suffering) of the Christ. focusing on Jesus's eye contact exchanges with His mother, it gave me a sense that a part of how Jesus was able to continue on His journey of suffering was because His mother was there and silently supporting Him to completing the task that He was given. but it never occurred to me of the suffering of Jesus's mother during the process until the other night when i was watching it. as a pregnant woman, carrying a child for 9 months, raising the child to her best abilities, who would want to see their child suffer? yet Jesus's mother, Mary did not protest or fight like Peter did in Matthew 16:21-23. she was obviously in pain and yet it's almost like she knew that Jesus's suffering was necessary. it was the purpose of why He came into the world.

although i've known that in being obedient to God, not only do we need to pay the price but the people around us also need to pay the price along with us. still, to endure the kind of suffering Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to endure, it seems rather cruel and harsh. it made me think about all those times when i went on short-term missions trips especially those in very rural, non-contactable areas. i knew that my mother (or parents) had to suffer to some extend because of my obedience to follow God's call in my life. i always pray before and during the trips that God will watch over my family and bring the "peace beyond all understanding" to them (which He always did). but this is just one of the realities or the price to pay in being obedient to God and following Him.

maybe it makes the Christian walk harder. yet maybe the thought of how this community around us (or Body of Christ) is so necessary even when it comes to being obedient to what God calls us to do. and maybe it's also in the community or the Body's support (along with God and His Spirit's enablement) that we can continue to carry on this Christian journey.

on being thankful

last night we said goodbye to 2010 and ushered in the new year, 2011. it was unlike any new year's eve that i've experienced because hubby's brother david invited hubby to preach at his church. as i told my sister about this, it seemed like an unusual idea. but i remembered that our dad used to organize watch night prayer meetings during his years as senior pastor at ACCC. somehow we, as "kids", never joined my parents for these prayer meetings. on contrast, both hubby and his brother recounted how they have always spent their new year's eve at the church. so it's another family tradition that i'm introduced to.

the service started at 10pm with worship. it's a cosy apostolic pentecostal church attended by Black families in the area. brother David led the worship time through singing while nephew Darius and other church kids played drums and bass. there was no powerpoint slides of the songs being sung and David just led from one song to another. but the lyrics were easy enough for everyone to follow. and i felt like i've not worshipped like that for a long time... although the gospel-y/jazzy beats and accompaniment of the songs were different from what i am used to, the songs are still the same--i exalt Thee, i love You Lord, etc.

the service went on till almost 2am with testimonies, prayers, praise dance, inspirational reading, my hubby's awesome preaching, and of course lots of shouting, running around, and impromptu dancing. all the usual elements of a Black pentecostal service (of what i've observed so far in the short few months). but one thing that brother David emphasized through out was giving thanks for what the Lord has done in 2010 (along with praising God despite the good and the bad). although i didn't stand up to "testify" of the Lord's goodness (maybe my brain doesn't work that fast to think of exactly what all i am thankful for and to formulate them into eloquent words like all the Black brothers and sisters were doing). but through out the service, the ride home, and especially hubby's sermon from the book of Ruth talking about positioning oneself at the right time, right place, with the right people and right attitude, 2010 has been that year where i have been rewarded or blessed of my years of being at the right time, right place, right people and right attitude (well, the the Lord had to adjust that last part and worked on it over the course of 10-15 years). mainly the blessing of meeting a wonderful man, developing a friendship/romantic relationship, leading to being married, and now expecting a new life in June. these have been the prayers and the deepest longing of my heart in the last 10-15 years. somehow my season with all the tears, prayers and conversations over meals that went into preparing, hoping and struggling has suddenly ended. i have entered into a new season (just like the lyrics of the song New Season by Israel Houghton).

and the blessing is not only in the man i married but also of the family he comes from and belongs to. although it's been a big adjustment to move away from my family and familiar surroundings, the Settles have made me feel very, well... "settled" :p. i have to say there are still lots about the Reese/Settles family history and stories that i need to learn (not to mention which cousin is whose child and how so and so relates to so and so). there are lots about the church traditions and customs that are far different from what i grew up with. there are also lots of other bigger overall Black societal issues that i didn't have to think about or deal with but now that i'm a part of. i want to embrace all these new things with an open mind and open heart (and heartache at times).

but God has definitely outdone Himself again in 2010 especially in my life. i am still grateful of old friends and family who have endured me all these years, but also thankful for the new beginning and a new family God has brought me into. there are many more other things that i should also be thankful for but it might take too long for me to think through and list them down. so here i "testify" of God's goodness and hope it will encourage you no matter where you are in your journey or struggles in that deepest desire of your heart. i am also too scared to say He will do exactly what He has done for me. but i do know He knows the best time, best place, best way, best gift, best blessing for you. only if you would trust Him and let Him lead the way.