as i was chatting with mich last night, somehow i mentioned that i was shot in 1996. she said she's never heard me talk about this before. i said there was no opportunity, but thought i should record it down as a testimony of God's protection for my life.
it was july of 1996. i was on the thai-myanmar mountainous border teaching as a way of short-term missions. (the mentioning of the region's name or the people group might be sensitive so i won't mention the specifics) i started to go there in 1995 and went about 2~3 months every year until 1999. it was a boarding school made up of many orphans and child soldiers. that region has never been very stable with lots of wars and fighting. i think at the time we had about 1,000 students in the school.
i remember it was an afternoon after the students have taken their mid-term exams. many kids were playing outside of their dorms. i had just finished grading exam papers and was walking back to the teachers' dorm from the classroom area. i had to pass a little hill where the students' dorms are. as usual, i stopped to chat with the kids. i peeped out the corner of my eye and saw one of my 4th grade students holding a pallet gun (since they also hunt for birds, small animals and for the protection of the school in case of fighting). i joked with him: "what are you doing? going to shoot me?" then carried on talking to the other students.
all of the sudden... "bang!" everything went grey before my eyes. i fell to my butt and there was a loud ringing in my head. i felt warm liquid coming out of my head (not realizing it was blood). i was carrying a backpack so everything was flowing down between my shirt and my bag. they didn't realize how much blood i was losing until they took off my backpack. students rushed over. soon, teachers came also. everything was in a mess... i was shot by the small iron pallets that actually scraped thru the lower right of my head.
very quickly, they brought the stretcher. 4 or 6 of the older and stronger students carried me by foot to the local hospital (not like our modern hospitals but of mud floor and grass or tin roof). even with the half running/walking thru the small hills, they made it there in about 20 min. but... the missionary doctors from taiwan were not around. they had gone to a new place to explore the possibility of building a newer and nicer hospital.
my fellow teacher friends started praying... please bring the doctors back quickly.
in my mind, it seemed like 5 minutes, but people told me afterwards that it still took them maybe 30 minutes before the docs came back. once they were back, they put me in the very simple concrete made operation room and sew up the wounds. i think there were 7 some stitches.
i was also told afterwards, if the shot had been lower or more to the left, or if the docs didn't come back as soon as they did, i would have died.
the strange thing is... i felt a lot of peace all through out the event while others were more worried for me.
after i recovered, i've asked God many times "why?". one night about a month after the accident, as i was having prayer and devotional time with some students (from that same dorm), i felt rather frustrated with the naughty students still not paying attention in classes. i told them i don't know why God spared my life and let me endure the difficulties i continue to face. i would rather die and be with the Lord. they cried. so as we read "our daily bread" for that day, the passage mentioned was Phil 1:21~26. i could identify with paul's longing to depart and be with the Lord, yet at the same time, the Lord was keeping him on earth in serving Him and His people.
looking back, i'm thankful of God's protection and know that He has a purpose in keeping me on earth, right here, right now. i'm also thankful of all that i've experienced, learned, grew since then. i believe God has more in stored in the days to come...
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
new life, new beginnings
just came back not long ago from visiting a friend who gave birth yesterday afternoon. actually there were two births yesterday both at KK women and children's hospital. both are boys and first-born child. so going to visit the cole baby in the evening with a couple of other friends...
although i've seen new born babies numerous times, i still got a kick out of being with good friends in their first day of being parents and seeing the little guy sleeping so soundly even with all the nervous chatters around him. the mother looked so satisfied and stable with her little one beside her even though there are some adjustments in breast feeding, but the grandma and dad were more anxious than the mom telling her to do this or that...
my friend was sharing that she thought giving birth was tough but nobody ever told her of all the adjustments and "pains" that follow right after... as i was leaving, i was reminded to pray for them, their adjustment, baby's health& growth, for the parents/grandparents to have wisdom in knowing how to take good and proper care of the little one. this is also one of those things in life that require lots of dependence upon God (actually what doesn't require this?)... but was also thinking that parenthood does come with lots of responsibilities... maybe also lots of joy (since i've yet to have my own family...)
started reading this book how people grow yesterday... so this visit to the new baby reminded me of growth again. maybe will share another time.
just felt so excited... amazed... by life, by God's creation and gift...
although i've seen new born babies numerous times, i still got a kick out of being with good friends in their first day of being parents and seeing the little guy sleeping so soundly even with all the nervous chatters around him. the mother looked so satisfied and stable with her little one beside her even though there are some adjustments in breast feeding, but the grandma and dad were more anxious than the mom telling her to do this or that...
my friend was sharing that she thought giving birth was tough but nobody ever told her of all the adjustments and "pains" that follow right after... as i was leaving, i was reminded to pray for them, their adjustment, baby's health& growth, for the parents/grandparents to have wisdom in knowing how to take good and proper care of the little one. this is also one of those things in life that require lots of dependence upon God (actually what doesn't require this?)... but was also thinking that parenthood does come with lots of responsibilities... maybe also lots of joy (since i've yet to have my own family...)
started reading this book how people grow yesterday... so this visit to the new baby reminded me of growth again. maybe will share another time.
just felt so excited... amazed... by life, by God's creation and gift...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
MBTI result for tigger
so i finally had time and gave in to this test...
result? i'm ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Preceiving)
not sure how that compare to others.
a little "interpretation" from the experts... ENFP is
just reading a little makes me feel that maybe i've changed. always thought i'm more introvert than extrovert? keep long relationships instead of keep having new ones? maybe my intuition is working differently today. :P
result? i'm ENFP (Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Preceiving)
not sure how that compare to others.
a little "interpretation" from the experts... ENFP is
just reading a little makes me feel that maybe i've changed. always thought i'm more introvert than extrovert? keep long relationships instead of keep having new ones? maybe my intuition is working differently today. :P
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Psalm 103 (NLT)
Read this for my QT this morning. Somehow reading a different version brings a fresh feeling to the words. Just want to share with you...
Praise the LORD, I tell myself;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, I tell myself,
and never forgfet the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins and heals all my disesases.
He ransons me from death
and surrounds me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed lilke the eagle's!
The LORD gives righteousness
and justice to all who are treated unfairly.
He revealed his character to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
the LORD is merciful and gracious;
he is slow to get angry and full of unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
He has not punished us for all our sins,
nor does he deal with us as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth
He has removed our rebellious acts
as far away from us as the east is from the west.
the LORD is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he understands how weak we are;
he knows we are only dust.
Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
The wind blows, and we are gone--
as though we had never been here.
but the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him.
His salvation extendes to the children's children
of those who are faithful to his covenant,
of those who obey his commandments!
The LORD has made the heavens his throne;
from there he rules over everything.
Praise the LORD, you angels of his,
you mighty creatures who carry out his plans,
listening for each of his commands.
Yes, praise the LORD, you armies of angels
who serve him and do his will!
Praise the LORD, everything he has crated,
everywhere in his dkingdom.
As for me--I, too, will praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD, I tell myself;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, I tell myself,
and never forgfet the good things he does for me.
He forgives all my sins and heals all my disesases.
He ransons me from death
and surrounds me with love and tender mercies.
He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed lilke the eagle's!
The LORD gives righteousness
and justice to all who are treated unfairly.
He revealed his character to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
the LORD is merciful and gracious;
he is slow to get angry and full of unfailing love.
He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
He has not punished us for all our sins,
nor does he deal with us as we deserve.
For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth
He has removed our rebellious acts
as far away from us as the east is from the west.
the LORD is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he understands how weak we are;
he knows we are only dust.
Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
The wind blows, and we are gone--
as though we had never been here.
but the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him.
His salvation extendes to the children's children
of those who are faithful to his covenant,
of those who obey his commandments!
The LORD has made the heavens his throne;
from there he rules over everything.
Praise the LORD, you angels of his,
you mighty creatures who carry out his plans,
listening for each of his commands.
Yes, praise the LORD, you armies of angels
who serve him and do his will!
Praise the LORD, everything he has crated,
everywhere in his dkingdom.
As for me--I, too, will praise the LORD.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
my favorite cable tv network
during this trip back to the US, i had plenty of time to catch up on what's popular (esp with my sisters) on tv. i was introduced to the world of the food network (it's like heaven for all you foodies out there). :P
amongst all the cool reality cooking shows, my favorite is the "ace of cakes". whoever came up with this show is a genius. the creators of amazing, untraditional, anything-you-ask-for wedding cakes are the most unexpected group of fun, young, playful people. check out the website and see what i mean...
then there were...
iron chef america
paula deen
throwdown with bobby flay
good eats with alton brown
i think the other shows are also pretty interesting but these are the ones that made some impression...
amongst all the cool reality cooking shows, my favorite is the "ace of cakes". whoever came up with this show is a genius. the creators of amazing, untraditional, anything-you-ask-for wedding cakes are the most unexpected group of fun, young, playful people. check out the website and see what i mean...
then there were...
iron chef america
paula deen
throwdown with bobby flay
good eats with alton brown
i think the other shows are also pretty interesting but these are the ones that made some impression...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
after watching my fair lady...
(warning: this is going to be long...)
went to watch my fair lady at the esplanade on Wed night with a friend and her sister. it was my birthday gift... really belated.
i wanted to watch it i guess because of the wonderful songs, the love story, and of all the good memories of watching the movie version.
well, the staged version is pretty different.
1. i thought the orchestra wasn't that great (not very in tune)
2. the sound system wasn't doing it's justice to all the singing and dialogs
3. no subtitles (hard to understand those weird brit lower class accents)
4. it's not the movie *grin* and audrey hepburn is not the main lead *grin again*
besides these "complaints" that i have, somehow i never noticed how strange this musical/play was written. i have been fascinated particularly with the ironies of ===>>>
1. the experiment to turn a lower class lady into an upper class princess --> purpose being giving her a better life. yet once she obtained the statues, she was miserable because she didn't know what to do with her life anymore. so the same old questions i asked myself after short-term missions to the mountains--do all these modernization, progress, education, truly help people with their deepest needs in life?
also... that struggle within for those who have turned from poor to riches... maybe you are not as happy as before. life has become more complicated than you would like, yet at the same time, you are not so willing to let go of the comfort and the statues that followed... (eliza's father expressed this opinion as well, i believe)
2. the almost too much of a real life relationship scenario displayed through the show... (ok ok... not ALL relationships) the professor who was proud of being a bachelor and (almost) woman hater. after 6 months of interaction with a genuine and lovely girl, he finds feelings that he never had before. at the same time, he's still unwilling to budge and admit publicly of his feelings and attachment for her. actually the same goes for her where she found herself having great difficulty to leave from his presence although she's sung how she hated his guts and wished him dead. i was thinking that if i pick any couple that i know and look into the mundane interaction, i probably would see the same dialog... "where's my slippers?" "there... *throws them across the room*" (sensing the cynic in me... ^_^)
but in "my fair lady"? usually in movies and shows, the "perfect" or "ideal" relationship is displayed but how weird (that i've never noticed before) to see it on stage.
hmm... guess these are the two things that i wanted to blog about... any discussions on these 2 subjects or even just the show is very welcomed. ^_^
(and i still love the songs in there) :D
went to watch my fair lady at the esplanade on Wed night with a friend and her sister. it was my birthday gift... really belated.
i wanted to watch it i guess because of the wonderful songs, the love story, and of all the good memories of watching the movie version.
well, the staged version is pretty different.
1. i thought the orchestra wasn't that great (not very in tune)
2. the sound system wasn't doing it's justice to all the singing and dialogs
3. no subtitles (hard to understand those weird brit lower class accents)
4. it's not the movie *grin* and audrey hepburn is not the main lead *grin again*
besides these "complaints" that i have, somehow i never noticed how strange this musical/play was written. i have been fascinated particularly with the ironies of ===>>>
1. the experiment to turn a lower class lady into an upper class princess --> purpose being giving her a better life. yet once she obtained the statues, she was miserable because she didn't know what to do with her life anymore. so the same old questions i asked myself after short-term missions to the mountains--do all these modernization, progress, education, truly help people with their deepest needs in life?
also... that struggle within for those who have turned from poor to riches... maybe you are not as happy as before. life has become more complicated than you would like, yet at the same time, you are not so willing to let go of the comfort and the statues that followed... (eliza's father expressed this opinion as well, i believe)
2. the almost too much of a real life relationship scenario displayed through the show... (ok ok... not ALL relationships) the professor who was proud of being a bachelor and (almost) woman hater. after 6 months of interaction with a genuine and lovely girl, he finds feelings that he never had before. at the same time, he's still unwilling to budge and admit publicly of his feelings and attachment for her. actually the same goes for her where she found herself having great difficulty to leave from his presence although she's sung how she hated his guts and wished him dead. i was thinking that if i pick any couple that i know and look into the mundane interaction, i probably would see the same dialog... "where's my slippers?" "there... *throws them across the room*" (sensing the cynic in me... ^_^)
but in "my fair lady"? usually in movies and shows, the "perfect" or "ideal" relationship is displayed but how weird (that i've never noticed before) to see it on stage.
hmm... guess these are the two things that i wanted to blog about... any discussions on these 2 subjects or even just the show is very welcomed. ^_^
(and i still love the songs in there) :D
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
harvesting
Prior to Good Friday, i was sharing with my housemate, wwj, that i've not seen many people receiving Christ lately. i was kinda upset. we prayed for the various activities that were taking place over that weekend... boom... one guy receives Christ on the Saturday btn GF and Easter.
NTU evangelistic concert... 4 received Christ and one is a friend of a sister at ICC.
Last Friday's BBQ for ESC at NTU... one girl prayed and received Christ (but still need much prayer for growth).
Pretty positive sharing at NYP with 3 nuring students. although they didn't receive Christ, but hopefully they are a step closer.
it seems that ... oh... then last sunday's evangelistic service... 9 on the record received Christ. one girl came because of a friend's friend's friend introduced me to her. i called. she came. she received Christ. just like that.
not that i'm keeping score or anything. but to tabulate... since the time we prayed till now... indirectly related to me or directly... 7 in the matter of 2 months.
Man.. when God works... He just does. :P (of course with the partnership...much prayer of many)
NTU evangelistic concert... 4 received Christ and one is a friend of a sister at ICC.
Last Friday's BBQ for ESC at NTU... one girl prayed and received Christ (but still need much prayer for growth).
Pretty positive sharing at NYP with 3 nuring students. although they didn't receive Christ, but hopefully they are a step closer.
it seems that ... oh... then last sunday's evangelistic service... 9 on the record received Christ. one girl came because of a friend's friend's friend introduced me to her. i called. she came. she received Christ. just like that.
not that i'm keeping score or anything. but to tabulate... since the time we prayed till now... indirectly related to me or directly... 7 in the matter of 2 months.
Man.. when God works... He just does. :P (of course with the partnership...much prayer of many)
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
ability to be still (Ps 46)
i chose this psalm for monday's prayer meeting. it brought great encouragement to my heart as we read it and prayed over it. looking through it again and realized this...
verse 8
"come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9
He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
10
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
verse 8 is the invitation to examine the LORD abilities. verse 9 is the proof of His abilities and 10 is the result of knowing who the LORD is and is able to do.
If the LORD is able to make wars cease to the ends fo the earth, what else can He not do? Nothing.
so why fret and worry? why fight the wars within and without? He has ceased it and brought peace. Receive and be still...
verse 8
"come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9
He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
10
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
verse 8 is the invitation to examine the LORD abilities. verse 9 is the proof of His abilities and 10 is the result of knowing who the LORD is and is able to do.
If the LORD is able to make wars cease to the ends fo the earth, what else can He not do? Nothing.
so why fret and worry? why fight the wars within and without? He has ceased it and brought peace. Receive and be still...
Thursday, March 09, 2006
paying the price
not sure if anybody still reads this thing... (like how i crazily keep going back to check for updates on me frenz' blogs)(i'm insane) haha...
well, been doing some research for a paper on the impact of the cultural revolution on the house churches in china... started to read this book with rather descriptive story of some of the persecution....
dude! i almost cried on the MRT while i was reading it. still can't believe the intensity of their persecution and sufferings...
then was chatting with lai on msn yesterday talking about this thing.. realized this===>
the "miracle" of having so many Christians in china today is not coincidental. not like the so called fast and quick church growth guide that we see from some of the megachurches in sg. the "miracle" is of course the work of God... but also thru the price that these faithful men and women had to pay during all these years. the tremendous growth is not merely some kind of supernatural *ding*-you-are-a-Christian kind of thing but rather the lives that obedyed God's voice in doing the unthinkable (like cleaning up human waste in jail cells and thus bringing the entire prison to Christ)... dying for Jesus because they wouldn't compromise their faith in public (one story this man was buried alive)
i think... this is essential for church growth. but... how many people today in our comfortable world is willing to pay this kind of price?
well, been doing some research for a paper on the impact of the cultural revolution on the house churches in china... started to read this book with rather descriptive story of some of the persecution....
dude! i almost cried on the MRT while i was reading it. still can't believe the intensity of their persecution and sufferings...
then was chatting with lai on msn yesterday talking about this thing.. realized this===>
the "miracle" of having so many Christians in china today is not coincidental. not like the so called fast and quick church growth guide that we see from some of the megachurches in sg. the "miracle" is of course the work of God... but also thru the price that these faithful men and women had to pay during all these years. the tremendous growth is not merely some kind of supernatural *ding*-you-are-a-Christian kind of thing but rather the lives that obedyed God's voice in doing the unthinkable (like cleaning up human waste in jail cells and thus bringing the entire prison to Christ)... dying for Jesus because they wouldn't compromise their faith in public (one story this man was buried alive)
i think... this is essential for church growth. but... how many people today in our comfortable world is willing to pay this kind of price?
God sent
happened to tell ms cloud that i would be going over to bring home the oven from crab tonight.
happened that we invited joseph to come to speak at ESC.
happened that he drives.
happened that he offered to send me home.... also to help me pick up the oven.
happened that reuben was around to help me bring the big oven up 11 fLs to my house...
coincidences? i'd rather think not. ^_^
happened that we invited joseph to come to speak at ESC.
happened that he drives.
happened that he offered to send me home.... also to help me pick up the oven.
happened that reuben was around to help me bring the big oven up 11 fLs to my house...
coincidences? i'd rather think not. ^_^
Monday, February 27, 2006
parent-child relationship
Observed this the other night...
When adults were talking, the mom or dad would tell their kids, "don't you see that adults are talking?"
it was kinda obvious to me that the kids wanted their parents' attention and wanted to be included but by brushing them off like that made things worse. and when the kids weren't given proper attention, they tried harder by getting louder and noisier. from the parents' side, they got even more agitated and made comoments like "you are horrible... so noisy..."
Do the adults actually stop and listen to what we say in front of these kids? Will the kids remember the exact words or just the sentiment/attitude of the parents?
Not sure if i'm making a jugement that is unfair to the parents or if i will react the same way when i have my own kids... but... do you think it's better if the adults tell the kids "ya, what you want to do is great. i see it. but mom/dad is talking to our guests right now. i will be with you later." would this work better?
i think paying attention to kids and adults are equally important (maybe it's even more important for the kids and need better explanation or expression of love and acceptance..)
When adults were talking, the mom or dad would tell their kids, "don't you see that adults are talking?"
it was kinda obvious to me that the kids wanted their parents' attention and wanted to be included but by brushing them off like that made things worse. and when the kids weren't given proper attention, they tried harder by getting louder and noisier. from the parents' side, they got even more agitated and made comoments like "you are horrible... so noisy..."
Do the adults actually stop and listen to what we say in front of these kids? Will the kids remember the exact words or just the sentiment/attitude of the parents?
Not sure if i'm making a jugement that is unfair to the parents or if i will react the same way when i have my own kids... but... do you think it's better if the adults tell the kids "ya, what you want to do is great. i see it. but mom/dad is talking to our guests right now. i will be with you later." would this work better?
i think paying attention to kids and adults are equally important (maybe it's even more important for the kids and need better explanation or expression of love and acceptance..)
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
angels?
i was on the MRT with my friends cat and sufen... sufen had polio since young and has to walk with crutches. as sufen got off the train, the old man next to me turned and asked me what happened to her...
he asked what religion does she believe in. i said christianity. he said that without her faith, it's not possible for her to continue. then he started to tell me about his familiy... the 13 siblings who are all christians... his 97 yr old mother who just passed away in july of last yr. people should be obedient to their moms when they are alive and not regret it only when it's too late... he attends the pasir panjang christ church... invited me to go to their service at 10 on sundays...
during such times, besides listening to what he says, i often wonder why? why do i have this encounter with this old man at this time?
(all of the sudden i thought about what he said about praying for sufen...continue to pray for her, he said)
for this morning's chapel, we had a time of sharing from anybody who has a testimony. the most memorable one was about PAP (pay and pay; pray and persevere... it's a long story) but the part about pray and persevere sticks in my mind...
God is sending angels my way to encourage/remind me to pray without losing hope?
he asked what religion does she believe in. i said christianity. he said that without her faith, it's not possible for her to continue. then he started to tell me about his familiy... the 13 siblings who are all christians... his 97 yr old mother who just passed away in july of last yr. people should be obedient to their moms when they are alive and not regret it only when it's too late... he attends the pasir panjang christ church... invited me to go to their service at 10 on sundays...
during such times, besides listening to what he says, i often wonder why? why do i have this encounter with this old man at this time?
(all of the sudden i thought about what he said about praying for sufen...continue to pray for her, he said)
for this morning's chapel, we had a time of sharing from anybody who has a testimony. the most memorable one was about PAP (pay and pay; pray and persevere... it's a long story) but the part about pray and persevere sticks in my mind...
God is sending angels my way to encourage/remind me to pray without losing hope?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
nervousness and peace
our outreach starts tomorrow evening... the english speaking corner (ESC)
and as of now, we have not confirmed where we will meet...
and... my friends are taking class for the next two mondays (cat) and sick (liz)
funny though, i have this overwhelming sense of peace as if the sky falls, i won't be harmed... i am worried though..."what if we don't have a place to go to, what do we do? what if i'm the only teacher there tomorrow, will i be able to handle it? what if i can't do a good job in teaching? what if the people who come get disappointed or give up half way?"
i guess even if i think of all the possibilities, many of these things will probably turn out very differently from "my" possibilities...
pray, i pray like crazy... Lord, this is Your ministry and work... help us in these things that we have no control over... and help us do our part well. :)
and as of now, we have not confirmed where we will meet...
and... my friends are taking class for the next two mondays (cat) and sick (liz)
funny though, i have this overwhelming sense of peace as if the sky falls, i won't be harmed... i am worried though..."what if we don't have a place to go to, what do we do? what if i'm the only teacher there tomorrow, will i be able to handle it? what if i can't do a good job in teaching? what if the people who come get disappointed or give up half way?"
i guess even if i think of all the possibilities, many of these things will probably turn out very differently from "my" possibilities...
pray, i pray like crazy... Lord, this is Your ministry and work... help us in these things that we have no control over... and help us do our part well. :)
Monday, September 26, 2005
trust is what He wants
i've recently decided to fast one day a week... for personal reasons and church needs.
today at lunch i was discussing about this with my friend. somehow she asked me how to discern God's will when there seems to have many open doors. i told her, sometimes whether a door is opened or not depends on one's perspective. i gave her the example, if i overlook the conditions of going to certain countries for missions, i think i can make it to most places in this world with no problem. but it was because i had laid down certain conditions of a environment also for my personal well being and growth, i didn't just go anywhere. same goes for choosing life partner...
but this has been a struggle for me... what's the will of God when it comes to some of those grey areas of our needs... the needs are real but not "necessary" to have in life... or there can be multiple possibilities...but as for someone's salvation, that's kinda a sure thing that when we pray, God's desire is for people to be saved (spelled out clearly somewhere in John)... but other areas are not that black and white... and so one week i was praying for something to go one way, the next, i am wondering if what i prayed is God's will and what if it's not then maybe i need to pray the other way???? (so confusing...)
well, our librarian, julie recommended me to read this book on spiritual discipline. as i was reading it on the MRT, it dawned on me that not being sure of how things will definitely turn out is where HE wants us to be... by not being sure, i would have to cry out to HIM and trust HIM every single moment in my life when it comes to these decisions... God can choose to give or not give...He's sovereign. He knows what's best for us... but He always wants us to give our full attention to HIM.
it's not for us to "know" but to "trust"... not sure if it makes sense... we will know eventually but in the process we just need to trust Him... the Sovereign God who is faithfull and good... loving and just...
the other day, a friend was very upset because of relationship problems... i didn't know how to counsel her and pray for them... last year a girl was going to SA and needed my advice when she didn't seem to get her visa in time... i told them both...i don't know how to pray for you... i don't know... i just pray and ask God for wisdom and His Will to be shown...
now i know... it's in these "i don't know" moments that God becomes real and the only One we could possibily grab on to... He's the only One we can trust... Trust and obey, for there's no other way... and "I'd rather have Jesus than anything..."
today at lunch i was discussing about this with my friend. somehow she asked me how to discern God's will when there seems to have many open doors. i told her, sometimes whether a door is opened or not depends on one's perspective. i gave her the example, if i overlook the conditions of going to certain countries for missions, i think i can make it to most places in this world with no problem. but it was because i had laid down certain conditions of a environment also for my personal well being and growth, i didn't just go anywhere. same goes for choosing life partner...
but this has been a struggle for me... what's the will of God when it comes to some of those grey areas of our needs... the needs are real but not "necessary" to have in life... or there can be multiple possibilities...but as for someone's salvation, that's kinda a sure thing that when we pray, God's desire is for people to be saved (spelled out clearly somewhere in John)... but other areas are not that black and white... and so one week i was praying for something to go one way, the next, i am wondering if what i prayed is God's will and what if it's not then maybe i need to pray the other way???? (so confusing...)
well, our librarian, julie recommended me to read this book on spiritual discipline. as i was reading it on the MRT, it dawned on me that not being sure of how things will definitely turn out is where HE wants us to be... by not being sure, i would have to cry out to HIM and trust HIM every single moment in my life when it comes to these decisions... God can choose to give or not give...He's sovereign. He knows what's best for us... but He always wants us to give our full attention to HIM.
it's not for us to "know" but to "trust"... not sure if it makes sense... we will know eventually but in the process we just need to trust Him... the Sovereign God who is faithfull and good... loving and just...
the other day, a friend was very upset because of relationship problems... i didn't know how to counsel her and pray for them... last year a girl was going to SA and needed my advice when she didn't seem to get her visa in time... i told them both...i don't know how to pray for you... i don't know... i just pray and ask God for wisdom and His Will to be shown...
now i know... it's in these "i don't know" moments that God becomes real and the only One we could possibily grab on to... He's the only One we can trust... Trust and obey, for there's no other way... and "I'd rather have Jesus than anything..."
Thursday, September 15, 2005
reminders of home
it's amazing how certain places, food, people, music, atmosphere can remind me of a place that i probably would identify most as "home". Last night i was with two girls, (1 american, 1 taiwanese who has stayed in the US for a short period of time) shopping at this supermarket called "liberty". they sell a lot of food from the US or AU. it was so funny that we were wooing and wowing over things that u can find usually in other supermarkets here. seeing these things reminded me of home.
and a moment ago, it felt even more so. strange as it might sound, i was at the US embassy adding pages to my passport. (or maybe not so strange now that i think of it) somehow the smell, and the architecture, the tight security??? the fountain, the clerk, not all familiar since i've never been there b4, yet gave me that few minutes of a sense of "home".
maybe it's mom's and mei's attacks of "come home"s lately, plus my serious consideration and dissucussious with diff ppl over this, it is getting to me a little. yet i know clearly that my place is to be here and do all the things that God wants me to do here. most people leave their homes because they want a better life, higher degrees, more opportunities, more freedom, more spaces. but this group of people who call themselves missionaries are diff. it's a high calling with high ideals... a sure ideal, too... :P there are many many testimonies of such men and women...
Jesus's call to follow Him has a high price to pay--family, friends, familiar surroundings, home... well, call me an idealist then. the reward is far greater, eternal...
Monday, September 12, 2005
what i hate most
ever since young, what i hate most is to be falsely accused. i was hit again... tonight...
through the phone conversation, keep hearing the other person talking about this and that is the way it is... as if i am a child who was born yesterday... i was thinking, am i stupid? have i not seen the world more than you've had? on the contrary, from my experience interacting with the person, my pride tells me that i'm far better off than she is... :P i also knew that it is no use if i would defend myself or argue back. (i think i clarified a little bit at the end.) i wasn't sure if i should just hang up the phone and pretend that something happened to the phone...(oops, something was wrong with my phone...) hahaha... (hee hee... my evilness is coming out.. ha ha ha...) or... the possibilities are endless...
while i was listening to the person talk, my blood pressure was building up... but i was praying in my heart, "God, give me the patience that is needed. Help me to be humbled. I might have more experience and even more abilities than this person, I still need to be humble and try to learn whatever this person has to offer. Afterall, this Kingdom building business is not mine. It's God's and God uses us all differently." i survived the phone conversation... but coming out from it, i was also wondering... all this chinese-ness of politeness that i was exercising, would it become this "fu1 yan3" thing that i am doing... i really didn't have the heart or the mind to listen, but being chinesee and polite, i endured... endured... such a painful yet truthful word...
sigh... i find that there are always so much growth to do in this journey of life, this ministry that God has called me to be faithful to...
(one of the "accusations"... holding too tightly and expecting a group of people will always stay in one church...)
finding balance is hard... being put "in charge" of a group of people or even have people crossing your path means (after these few years in SG and having learned from a close friend, fabulous leader ;)) God wants you to be "reponsible" in taking care of them (spend time to find out things in their lives so you can encourage them along...) yet at the same time, only God knows EVERYTHING that happens in people's lives and HE would watch over every step of their way... although i might be responsible for the people crossing my path, God's still the BOSS. He is in charge and He has His timing to heal, to convict, etc...
sigh... i know that ultimately i want to learn to be humbled and that's a life long lessson... and it gets harder as time goes...as experiences increase, as knowledge increases... but... got to continue to learn it...
through the phone conversation, keep hearing the other person talking about this and that is the way it is... as if i am a child who was born yesterday... i was thinking, am i stupid? have i not seen the world more than you've had? on the contrary, from my experience interacting with the person, my pride tells me that i'm far better off than she is... :P i also knew that it is no use if i would defend myself or argue back. (i think i clarified a little bit at the end.) i wasn't sure if i should just hang up the phone and pretend that something happened to the phone...(oops, something was wrong with my phone...) hahaha... (hee hee... my evilness is coming out.. ha ha ha...) or... the possibilities are endless...
while i was listening to the person talk, my blood pressure was building up... but i was praying in my heart, "God, give me the patience that is needed. Help me to be humbled. I might have more experience and even more abilities than this person, I still need to be humble and try to learn whatever this person has to offer. Afterall, this Kingdom building business is not mine. It's God's and God uses us all differently." i survived the phone conversation... but coming out from it, i was also wondering... all this chinese-ness of politeness that i was exercising, would it become this "fu1 yan3" thing that i am doing... i really didn't have the heart or the mind to listen, but being chinesee and polite, i endured... endured... such a painful yet truthful word...
sigh... i find that there are always so much growth to do in this journey of life, this ministry that God has called me to be faithful to...
(one of the "accusations"... holding too tightly and expecting a group of people will always stay in one church...)
finding balance is hard... being put "in charge" of a group of people or even have people crossing your path means (after these few years in SG and having learned from a close friend, fabulous leader ;)) God wants you to be "reponsible" in taking care of them (spend time to find out things in their lives so you can encourage them along...) yet at the same time, only God knows EVERYTHING that happens in people's lives and HE would watch over every step of their way... although i might be responsible for the people crossing my path, God's still the BOSS. He is in charge and He has His timing to heal, to convict, etc...
sigh... i know that ultimately i want to learn to be humbled and that's a life long lessson... and it gets harder as time goes...as experiences increase, as knowledge increases... but... got to continue to learn it...
Monday, July 25, 2005
thoughts after indo trip
can't get into my msn spaces... resort to write something here...
indo trip was good. refreshing. i got to think about stuff. ICC, NTU, life, future, ministry, EAST, friendships...
my fish died after i came back. last year when i went back to the US, my pretty blue fishy died. i half jokingly blamed the friend who took care of my "blue" that she killed it... hahaha... i was thinking today, it's time to change the kind of fish i keep.. maybe i tend to choose the pretty ones that die faster. maybe i should choose something that's not so pretty so it won't die so fast. this sounds quite illogical. just because a fish is pretty, doesn't mean it will die faster. just because a fish is ugly doesn't mean that it will live longer. so goes my fish logic... i'm so weird. %]
yesterday at ICC (church) i was elected as a deaconness for the next 2 years. (wow... 2 more years...) when people congratulate me, i didn't know how to react. should i be happy or be sad? being a deacon carries with it many responsbilities and heartaches. was thinking that i've been getting sick a lot more frequent in the past 2 years. either life is too stressful and/or i'm aging rather quickly. (hopefully nobody who's older is reading this and getting tickled about this.. old? i always tell younger kids.. "never say you are getting old in front of someone older than you...") back to the being deacon thing... definitely a lot more stress. i think i can get to heaven faster. (my dream for a while but never been able to succeed ever since 1996... good old Paul says it best in Phil 1, the latter part.)
it's 11:30 and i should be sleeping... last night i started to think about ICC ministry and other stuff.... my hair said hi to the pillow around 2:30. maybe i 'm becoming like mom more and more... worry more... sleep less.. getting sick more... doing more stuff, getting upset more easily... hmm... (luv ya mom!!! you are awesome!!!) haha...
this is the longest blog that i've written yet... kinda stream of consciousness stuff i write for my personal diaries...
indo trip was good. refreshing. i got to think about stuff. ICC, NTU, life, future, ministry, EAST, friendships...
my fish died after i came back. last year when i went back to the US, my pretty blue fishy died. i half jokingly blamed the friend who took care of my "blue" that she killed it... hahaha... i was thinking today, it's time to change the kind of fish i keep.. maybe i tend to choose the pretty ones that die faster. maybe i should choose something that's not so pretty so it won't die so fast. this sounds quite illogical. just because a fish is pretty, doesn't mean it will die faster. just because a fish is ugly doesn't mean that it will live longer. so goes my fish logic... i'm so weird. %]
yesterday at ICC (church) i was elected as a deaconness for the next 2 years. (wow... 2 more years...) when people congratulate me, i didn't know how to react. should i be happy or be sad? being a deacon carries with it many responsbilities and heartaches. was thinking that i've been getting sick a lot more frequent in the past 2 years. either life is too stressful and/or i'm aging rather quickly. (hopefully nobody who's older is reading this and getting tickled about this.. old? i always tell younger kids.. "never say you are getting old in front of someone older than you...") back to the being deacon thing... definitely a lot more stress. i think i can get to heaven faster. (my dream for a while but never been able to succeed ever since 1996... good old Paul says it best in Phil 1, the latter part.)
it's 11:30 and i should be sleeping... last night i started to think about ICC ministry and other stuff.... my hair said hi to the pillow around 2:30. maybe i 'm becoming like mom more and more... worry more... sleep less.. getting sick more... doing more stuff, getting upset more easily... hmm... (luv ya mom!!! you are awesome!!!) haha...
this is the longest blog that i've written yet... kinda stream of consciousness stuff i write for my personal diaries...
Thursday, July 14, 2005
nite b4 indo
i'm supposed to be preparing for my trip to indo... but with EAST planning and lots of other stuff to deal with (mainly icc stuff bah...) i don't seem to be able to find time... pray... but need to be more discipline and focus myself on it...
kinda looking forward to be with friends again... :) and my indonesian godson... friends... cooler weather... ocean... coconut trees...
kinda looking forward to be with friends again... :) and my indonesian godson... friends... cooler weather... ocean... coconut trees...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
thank God for friends :)
Not quite sure why i have two sites to blog...
had duriansssssssss tonite... can i have too much of it??? :P
the first time i had durian was Aug 1999, my first touch down to SG. and now i am a durian lover... so hard to believe.
well, the real point of this blog is not about durian but about friends. thank God for great friends. i'm so blessed with so many. =) sisters at ICC... great gifts from God.
so how does durian tie in with sisters from God? we had durian together tonite... hahaha... ^_^
had duriansssssssss tonite... can i have too much of it??? :P
the first time i had durian was Aug 1999, my first touch down to SG. and now i am a durian lover... so hard to believe.
well, the real point of this blog is not about durian but about friends. thank God for great friends. i'm so blessed with so many. =) sisters at ICC... great gifts from God.
so how does durian tie in with sisters from God? we had durian together tonite... hahaha... ^_^
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