the last leg

finally finished reading the 3rd required book for my fuller application around 2am on Monday (or rather it was already Tuesday... ). actually this was much later than my intended time of finishing by last Wednesday. i guess i still don't know myself and my circumstances that well.

been having farewell parties and dinners with friends... uncle morley and aunt sophie were here for the big evangelistic meeting for the chinese churches over the weekend... all these i had anticipated but maybe not the anticipation of the amount energy consumed. (what am i saying? i can't write!!!)

sigh... thus why i am still dragging my feet from writing my 10-page paper for the application and blogging away right now. i don't think it's that hard to write this paper since i have a pretty good outline in front of me. but i am plagued by fears right now. fears that i won't be able to hit the main points from the books. fears that i won't be able to find substantiate proof from the books to support the points. basically... fear of failure.

although i know this is normal (who is not afraid to fail?) and a lot of these thoughts are not very valid. i might not be the best thinker/writer in the world, but i think i do have some inherent abilities to analyze and write (thanks to good genes from mom and dad ).

just feel like screaming and beating myself up so i would just get to it.

i got an email from Fuller's admissions counselor this morning. both good and bad news for me. the email was sent to remind the applicants of the impending doom... (err... ha... deadline) of Sept 1. but at the same time saying that if anyone needs extra time, please let them know. LOL i think this is called grace and understanding from the school. even if i would take up their offer, i still won't have enough time with all the appointments lined up (ey, G and YL, don't take this as a hint to cancellation of our trip this weekend, k?).

sigh... so pray for me. i also need to pray and just trust God to carry me through. for the Holy Spirit to inspire and remind of all the things I've read and learned. just give my best and leave the rest to God... plus there are appointments abound and i am looking forward to spending time with people... (although i can never spend enough time with people)

Gambate!!!