if..., would you?

if you search deep into your heart
your intuition, your subconsciousness
would you find that you do love and care for me as i do for you?

if you look into the songs you sent to me before
would you see that there's a common theme and message?

if you think back of our time together tonight
would you realize that we belong together
just like how it was tonight?

if you ever gotten the courage
would you let me know of how you truly feel inside?

if you truly treasure me as who i am
would you abandon your fears and committ to me and me alone?

if we could start on a different note in a different time and space
would we end up happily ever after?

if you would examine how much time we also interact with each other
would you find that we have occupied much of each other's life?

if,
would you?

separation

from the day we are conceived
we start to separate
grow so one day we are born
born so the cord can be cut
grow bigger to crawl, walk, run
for our independence
for dreams and aspirations
because "the time" has come
to move further yet closer
to what we desire
deep down in our hearts
to the life that God has given us
a never ending process and cycle
hellos and goodbyes
until that one day
when we are no more seprated

intuition and rationalization

"the heart is the most deceptive above all..."

with my intuition and my rationalization
self discipline is more of doing
what i like, when i like, with whom i like
decisions in life can change according to the I and R.
can you even call that self discipline?

i really don't know what i want or like
except for my I and R

can i live thru life in this way?
i probablly will always depend on these two friends and foe

how does God come in all this?
is this just the way He made me?
can He tolerate me although i can't even tolerate myself this way?

to these, i have no answer
i'll continue to seek and ask

priced possession

you were created--
fearfully and wonderfully
priced possession of the creator Lord God
the Almighty who spoke and the world came to being

you are loved and adored
with eternal, unmoved love
of the One who would sacrifice His only Son, His all
so you can connect, feel the deep love and desire
of the ultimate Husband never imagined existed

He adores you and lavishes His love upon you
not fearing going the distance
no matter how much the cost would be
knowing your most imitate desires and needs
feel all your joy and pain

None in this world can compare to Him

He never gives up
constantly pursuing you
no matter how muddied, scared you've become
no matter how you've exchanged substitute loves that can never compare
no matter how hard you tried to earn the wrong fulfillments in life
He is amazing, He loves you
very much

heart, mine

my heart, a woman's heart, sensitive
a place of complexity
a picture, a song, an ad
would strike memories within
even after so many years
hopes and desires diminished
still, a kindred spirit, an admiration
for your talent and amazing gifts

and you...
will i ever reach a day like this?
simple admiration
thoughts from a distance
no longer my object of possession and desire

Oh Lord, i will

(written last Sunday March 4, 2007)
Have i not had enough pain?
Have i not hurt myself enough?
Have i not been thru enough because of what i thought is
right
or
good for me?

There's nothing left for me to fight.
There's none of me left to struggle.
I've tried too much.
I've chose enough for myself.
Now i choose You.
Now i choose life.
Now i choose You and so Lord, i will.

selective memories

joy said our memories are selective
if we choose to remember too much unpleasant things
we go insane
but we still try
to capture time and space
by
recounting what happened
taking photographs, videos
listen to songs
taste the flavors
savoring the memories
actually both
for the beautiful memories
and
for those others unmentionable
or could it also be a vision, a possiblity
of what memory could be
captured thru another's eyes
dear friend, i'm stealing yours

let me heal

just let my tears drop one by one
with each memory that passed
the sweet memories we shared
maybe healing will come slowly
with time
each care, concern, and prayer spoken
one day will come
when all sweet memories stored
fears, anxieties away
when you are truly a friend
in the mean time
showers of friendship, love bring support
providing strength to stir the bleeding heart
in the process of recounting lost
more is recovered
though there grows inner strength
strength provided thru many
will also aid
let this process repeats
hurt less and less
with time

death of a hope

don't ask me how i am
just let me wallow in my sorrow
let me hide in silence because the pain is too much to bear
all the happy memories now sting
peg struck heart's core
oozing out blood, warm and black
tears flowing down the cheek
hope is lost, diminished
routine covering up the truth
smile as if nothing had happened
talk as if he's still in the glimmer of hope
protected when those around know nothing
of the crushed desire, slapped in the face
by reality of one who has spoken so cruely

maybe only death of this past hope brings life
seed of hope dies so life of another kind will bloom
who knows what will grow out of this
something beautiful?
yet in death still secretly desiring resurrection of this hope, this man
that he will come back into the glimmering hope
that piece of the puzzle completing the whole picture