on being thankful

last night we said goodbye to 2010 and ushered in the new year, 2011. it was unlike any new year's eve that i've experienced because hubby's brother david invited hubby to preach at his church. as i told my sister about this, it seemed like an unusual idea. but i remembered that our dad used to organize watch night prayer meetings during his years as senior pastor at ACCC. somehow we, as "kids", never joined my parents for these prayer meetings. on contrast, both hubby and his brother recounted how they have always spent their new year's eve at the church. so it's another family tradition that i'm introduced to.

the service started at 10pm with worship. it's a cosy apostolic pentecostal church attended by Black families in the area. brother David led the worship time through singing while nephew Darius and other church kids played drums and bass. there was no powerpoint slides of the songs being sung and David just led from one song to another. but the lyrics were easy enough for everyone to follow. and i felt like i've not worshipped like that for a long time... although the gospel-y/jazzy beats and accompaniment of the songs were different from what i am used to, the songs are still the same--i exalt Thee, i love You Lord, etc.

the service went on till almost 2am with testimonies, prayers, praise dance, inspirational reading, my hubby's awesome preaching, and of course lots of shouting, running around, and impromptu dancing. all the usual elements of a Black pentecostal service (of what i've observed so far in the short few months). but one thing that brother David emphasized through out was giving thanks for what the Lord has done in 2010 (along with praising God despite the good and the bad). although i didn't stand up to "testify" of the Lord's goodness (maybe my brain doesn't work that fast to think of exactly what all i am thankful for and to formulate them into eloquent words like all the Black brothers and sisters were doing). but through out the service, the ride home, and especially hubby's sermon from the book of Ruth talking about positioning oneself at the right time, right place, with the right people and right attitude, 2010 has been that year where i have been rewarded or blessed of my years of being at the right time, right place, right people and right attitude (well, the the Lord had to adjust that last part and worked on it over the course of 10-15 years). mainly the blessing of meeting a wonderful man, developing a friendship/romantic relationship, leading to being married, and now expecting a new life in June. these have been the prayers and the deepest longing of my heart in the last 10-15 years. somehow my season with all the tears, prayers and conversations over meals that went into preparing, hoping and struggling has suddenly ended. i have entered into a new season (just like the lyrics of the song New Season by Israel Houghton).

and the blessing is not only in the man i married but also of the family he comes from and belongs to. although it's been a big adjustment to move away from my family and familiar surroundings, the Settles have made me feel very, well... "settled" :p. i have to say there are still lots about the Reese/Settles family history and stories that i need to learn (not to mention which cousin is whose child and how so and so relates to so and so). there are lots about the church traditions and customs that are far different from what i grew up with. there are also lots of other bigger overall Black societal issues that i didn't have to think about or deal with but now that i'm a part of. i want to embrace all these new things with an open mind and open heart (and heartache at times).

but God has definitely outdone Himself again in 2010 especially in my life. i am still grateful of old friends and family who have endured me all these years, but also thankful for the new beginning and a new family God has brought me into. there are many more other things that i should also be thankful for but it might take too long for me to think through and list them down. so here i "testify" of God's goodness and hope it will encourage you no matter where you are in your journey or struggles in that deepest desire of your heart. i am also too scared to say He will do exactly what He has done for me. but i do know He knows the best time, best place, best way, best gift, best blessing for you. only if you would trust Him and let Him lead the way.

it takes a village to raise a child...

it takes a village to raise a child and apparently the family of Christ to make a wedding happen

i was thinking this morning that weddings seem to be about the bride, the dress, the groom, flowers, music, gifts, etc... of course there are people involved but i never realized how many people it required

in the past couple of weeks, my older sister who is my wedding coordinator has been busy calling different people figuring out the various details and arrangements. then she would call me asking if i know this and that... also creating a list of things that i need to do. never in my life am i actually glad to have my big sister calling me and making sure that i am doing this and that. (i just didn't like having somebody telling me all the things that i need to do)

besides my big sister, my mom and dad have also been calling various church members from Atlanta Chinese Christian Church (ACCC, where the wedding will take place and where i spent 10 meaningful years of my life growing and maturing). people have been responding and asking how they can help with tremendous zeal and helpfulness. it is a wedding between two poor full-time ministry workers who come from two full-time ministers' homes. (basically we just don't have much money....) so we really depend on whatever help people can offer us.

actually now i think about it, people have been offering lots of help ever since they heard of the good news. i've gotten A LOT of help from one of my best friends, wei wei, along with my younger sister, jennier c. and many others.

this wedding is definitely not a casual, simple thing. it's the result of people's love, time, energy, money, poured out. and i'm very grateful.

i am looking forward to the big day not just because it's going to be life changing, but also knowing that it's the celebration of many good friends, family, and the Body of Christ coming together.

engaged??!!

my family and friends know that i've prayed for marriage and family for a long time (maybe for about 10-15 years?). and they have also been praying for a long time. it has been a rather long and tiring journey filled with weird and interesting stories.

when i met joshua last year, everything suddenly seemed to move rather quickly for our relationship. but it wasn't at a pace that seemed too fast for the both of us. i guess after 10-15 years of waiting, my time has reached its fullness.

so even after our first meeting in person back in Nov, we've talked about a timeline of how things might work out in our relationship. at the time, it seemed reasonable. it was with the considerations of joshua's work schedule requirements (he's taking a team to Ghana this summer for missions), my studies (almost done with my DMiss degree at Fuller), our age and desire to have children (he wants quite a few and i love kids too), and also a reasonable adjustment period for our families. i had also wanted my uncle to marry us, and since he's a very busy man, we've tentatively set a date for our wedding on Sept 11, 2010.

so joshua's visit was a determining point or a point of confirmation for whether we'll continue to follow the timeline we've discussed previously or not. as far as i know, joshua has been much more than i can ever imagine as a suitable future husband and father of my children. i had no doubt that we would make a good couple and family especially in serving the Lord and (hopefully) bringing glory to our mighty God and King.

and as i had thought, his visit went very well. i was especially appreciative of his willingness to accommodate and learn about chinese culture and ways of doing things... to at least try the different foods (like sea cucumber and chicken feet) and say "ya, that's pretty tasty". to preach at my church and get the approval of my current church family, to endure the stare from random chinese people walking down the streets of alhambra or even getting some impolite treatment at this chinese grocery store. to spend time with me and my family even when he has a million things to take care of related to his job.

so ya, we are engaged (in a very chinese, community, family kinda way instead of the american, individualistic kind of way), and have started to prepare for our wedding in sept and our life together. (to say those words together in a sentence still seems rather surreal to me.)

(here's his rather humorous version of our engagement and future plans... On Engagement Rings, Oreos, and Impromptu Parties)

i am thoroughly grateful... to God, our families, friends because of all the prayers, words of encouragement, good advices, willingness to chip in and help for the wedding prep. i'm grateful for God's design, good timing, perfect will that i can truly testify now.

really... thank you all who have prayed along the way, who have been by my side when things didn't work out, with the tears and frustrations... and for those who are still waiting on God's good design and plan, i'll be praying for you and trust that He has the best in mind for you as well. :)

receiving grace

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
James 1:17 (NIV)

This is a verse that I've memorized many many years ago. Over the last 10-15 years, it has been a struggle to try to understand what it means in the context of my desire for relationship, marriage, and family. I struggled wondering if I would be able to fully comprehend what this means and just accept a biblical truth by faith even when there's not even any glimpse or possibilities on the horizon.

Well, I would have never imagined that God in His good timing would bring someone so wonderful into my life. In the past 2 1/2 months, it has been a rather surreal experience. I still want to pinch myself and make sure that I'm not dreaming. Joshua has been all that and more of what I would ask for in a man. I think it is interesting of how when so many friends and family in our lives are rejoicing and celebrating the fact that God has given us someone new and wonderful. It just seems hard to fully receive this "good and perfect gift" from God.

Maybe this is why it is so hard for people to grasp how grace and salvation and be freely given... if I can't even just rejoice and enjoy the "good and perfect gift" from God that's in a form of a wonderful man.

but I'm coming around to it... in receiving... in rejoicing... and giving thanks....

i'm blessed

many months ago when i planned my asia trip, i think i was pretty greedy because i wanted to try to see as many of my friends and spend as much time with them as possible.

in the past 2 1/2 days, i already feel very blessed by g, ey, and yl who went all the way to KL to meet me and spend time with me and pampering me. i was sitting there at this fancy lunch today thinking... "what did i do to deserve friendships like this?" so when they brought out the very pretty strawberry cake, i made a wish. and i told them... "i wish that our friendship will last for a long time and that all of you will be happy in life as well."

and it's not just these three friends who not only made my birthday and life special, but all of you as well.

and this is only the beginning of my trip. i know that i'm going to continue to be blessed and pampered by many of you.

from the depths of my heart. thank you.

I had a GOoD night :D

it started maybe more than a week ago, when i saw Loswhit's tweet or something on Israel Houghton's MV--Just Wanna Say somehow this song was just a hit with me ever since the first hearing. from there, i went into Israel's website and saw that he was going to be at Oasis Christian Center (gosh, there sure a lot of links just from a couple of sentences :P) on April 26, 2009 (which was tonight!) (but when i went back to the website after i first saw this event, it had disappeared...)

so i marked the date down on my calender and was looking for someone to go with me. i asked sharon from GMCI (cos i think she probably will enjoy it). but sharon realized that she will be chauffeur for her sister today and might be too tired to go with me... :( and i couldn't think of anybody else...

somehow... somehow, i really really really really really wanted to go.

i was pretty determined that i was going, but going alone is not something that i was really looking forward to.

(back track to a few days ago...) so after looking through Israel's website, i was also contemplating big time as to buying his new CD--the power of one. but i think it took 1 day before i decided that i would buy it. and i do not regret this decision at all... especially finding out how he and a group of artists/writers decided to put a part of their earning into some of the poorest areas of the world. AND the music was just awesome. it's not just gospel as i had thought but a mix of jazzy, hip hop, jamaican, pop and what-nots. exactly the kind of thing that i enjoy. and when i heard another song from the CD--every prayer, just hit another chord with me. i must have listened to it more than 15 times in the last 2-3 days. and not just listen, but sing, and cry along with it. it just brings such comfort and assurance that God DOES hear our every single prayer and that HE does care...

so... back to tonight. the service was at 6pm close to the downtown area. since i am not familiar with how the parking or traffic is like, i left the house early... driving down by myself. i had a little bit of a weird feeling... like "what am i doing" kind of weird feeling. but at the same time (still playing Power of One CD in the car), one of the songs talks about how God is always with us... and it was as if i was no longer alone... God was with me tonight. not just saying but really, he is there kind of thing.

well. got there without any problem. parked the car. walked to the theater and some people were already waiting outside of the auditorium doors. within 10 min, it was getting crowded. looking through the room, most people had friends with them... maybe about 70% black and 20% white and 10% others like me. most of them had pretty hip clothes on. the deco is pretty modern and trendy. finally by 5:50 they opened the doors and people rushed in.

it was Oasis's 25th anniversary so it was kinda interesting to hear of how God has worked through their lead pastors Philip & Holly ever since the beginning. and i am thankful along with their church members of the kinds of impact this church is making for the Kingdom of God.

but i kept wondering if Israel is really going to play ... or is he just going to play a song? or what? finally ... it was announced as a part of the 25th anniversary celebration, it's going to be an hour of worship with Israel. everybody got very excited and a whole bunch of people rushed down to the front.

then it started!

it was a simple chorus to "here I am to worship" and it just took off. song after song after song.(it was a good thing that i bought the CD and have been "practicing" these few days :p) somehow that 1 hour flew by really quickly... and i think it's been too long since i really sang like that in worship... and maybe i've not danced like that since those college days at the clubs. i was really into the singing, clapping, and dancing. i was also totally amazed at Israel's guitar, vocal, worship leading, everything skills. and the stories he shared/preached about his life, receiving love from God... i was totally ministered to and felt like i was on a date with God ... but along with hundred of people in that auditorium... all singing their hearts out, reaching out their hands to God. praising God... enjoying time with Him and a pretty awesome worship time together.

i've not written something this long on my blogs for a while. and when i got home, my brain was still going at a zillion miles per hour with all the excitement of who God is. there have been different times in my life that i am just obsessed about going to a certain church or some kind of conference. tonight was one of those moments. and i just know... it was a GOoD night for me. simply awesome.

silent retreat

a couple days ago, some of the EAST students went on a retreat. by retreat, this is a real retreat... going to a quiet place (in singapore, this is kinda rare), staying away from the noise and busyness... and not talking to one another for the majority of the time when we were there! (even during our meals)

the whole idea was to consciously block out all the noise and so refrain from talking. reading only the Bible and no other books, so we can practice "listening to God".

thru out the retreat, we had a facilitator (here's his blog) who went thru some debatable practices on meditation and biblical interpretation methods (or maybe we just needed more time for him to explain further before we practiced them?). despite all the discussions and the controversies that i've been hearing since the retreat, personally, i thought i benefited from this type of spiritual discipline exercise.

somehow, thru the 1 1/2 days retreat, i realized that i have been avoiding reading the Bible much because of this issue of trust. i find that i don't really trust God anymore so reading God's Word doesn't mean much to me... (if you don't trust someone, you probably won't really listen to his/her words...) i need to deal with my disappointments of things not taking place according to what i had imagined God doing. somehow God was bringing to my attention of the fact that He has His timing in all things and He does not fail in fulfilling His promises.

i also continued to struggle with "my dark side" (critical spirit, judgmental, unforgiving, etc.) and not knowing how to reconcile with "the force" (no lah... my good side... compassionate, loving, accepting, etc.). i also couldn't reconcile the two seemingly opposing sides, which are also exhibited so clearly in God. somehow, as i continued to think that i probably will need some time to reconcile it all, i caught the bus ride home with one of our students JT. he asked me what i've learned from the retreat and so i told him about my problem. i finally finished when i was about to get off the bus and walk home. he has started to counsel me and simply pointed out that what i was experiencing can possibly be some form of spiritual attack. the evil one knows that the Lord is bringing new things into my life so attacks/distractions came. he got off the bus with me and pray for me. somehow ever since then, i've felt much easier about my struggles.

ultimately, i just thank God in orchestrating every person and every event that played a part for where i am today, especially for my recent struggles. i think i've reached a place that i feel much more at peace although there are still some fears about the future that are plaguing me. i guess i'll just have to take one step at a time and see how the Lord will continue to lead and provide grace needed along the way.

priced possession

you were created--
fearfully and wonderfully
priced possession of the creator Lord God
the Almighty who spoke and the world came to being

you are loved and adored
with eternal, unmoved love
of the One who would sacrifice His only Son, His all
so you can connect, feel the deep love and desire
of the ultimate Husband never imagined existed

He adores you and lavishes His love upon you
not fearing going the distance
no matter how much the cost would be
knowing your most imitate desires and needs
feel all your joy and pain

None in this world can compare to Him

He never gives up
constantly pursuing you
no matter how muddied, scared you've become
no matter how you've exchanged substitute loves that can never compare
no matter how hard you tried to earn the wrong fulfillments in life
He is amazing, He loves you
very much

Sparrow

it's been a while since i sung worship songs freely at home for an extended period of time. at the beginning of the year, my new year's resolution is to give myself more time to rest and to be alone. tonight was one of those occasions. i started off preparing for tomorrow night's worship then just went on to sing some other songs. it was such a freeing and wonderful experience to be reminded of how God loves me thru the lyrics. and at the end of the night, i dug out the small hymn book that i have and found this hymn.

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion?My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

this is actually my dad's favorite hymn, which i sang for him last last year for his birthday celebration in taiwan. i also have a copy of the lyrics pasted right in front of me in my cubicle at work. somehow the words never fail to bring comfort and assurance--

His Eye is on the Sparrow... and i know He watches me...