back to Singapore

just came back to sg last night around 11pm. the plane was jammed packed and i ran into dr james huang and his wife. it was nice to catch up with them a bit and have some company on the plane. i think it was special providence from the Lord. i was also very fortunate to have my friend tracey pick me up at the airport.

this morning went back to NTU ESC since i've been away for 2 saturdays. felt a little guilty that i can't help as much as i can before i depart from here. we went around asking everyone for their best vacation or memories in life. i shared about my trip to taiwan. i sorta rushed thru the sharing and didn't think i did a very good job so want to recap and write out my experience on this trip.

1. it was nice to be re-acquainted to taiwan again after so many years. although i've gone back several times in the past few years (due to weddings and wedding dinners), somehow this trip brought a more complete pictures of where taiwan has progressed to today. the subway train system seems to have brought a lot of good to taipei. people are better mannered, line up to get into the trains, and the trains/train stations were very clean...

i thought the funniest thing is that people are so afraid to sit in the "priority seats" (seats reserved for the elderly, pregnant women, children, and those with physical disabilities). i heard at least two or three times that the teenagers joking about feeling very "paiseh" to sit in those seats.

2. good service. almost all the service staff everywhere were all very polite and nice and patient. they always greet you when you enter the store and try very hard to be helpful.

3. good food. there are just so many varieties of foods with a lot of japanese influence. ms G and i really loved all the beautiful and yummy cakes. as a result, i'm going on diet again in the coming weeks... (even my hairdresser commented that i've gained weight... )

4. more visible presence of Christianity. the church reaching out with creative ways and great emphasis on missions work around the world. the day before i came back, i was invited to a restaurant workers' fellowship meeting because a lady was being baptised. i just thought it was so wonderful to know that the Gospel is being spread to the common people. i also paid a visit to steve, an old friend from Wa. he was sharing with me of this project that his group has embarked on--"ark #1", which is a traveling truck that would allow their band to perform in the night markets in order to share the Gospel with the masses. pray that God will make their path smooth and go ahead of them so that many will come to His saving grace.

another two ways of evangelism are my godmother's old folks college and radio programs. i visited two Christian radio stations by chance and read one station's 30th anniversary magazine and realized that when i was young, some of the children from church were invited to record children's radio shows. so cool to be linked back to things that we've done in the past.

5. this is more on a personal side... family or familee. i was able to visit aunt milly's new home and stayed briefly. she looked really good despite the fact that she just had a big tumor removed and is going to go thru chemotherapy. i also went hiking with ken and terry... later went to their house for dinner. (terry cooked!) their little apartment looked fantastic with all the interesting storage spaces hidden (will post pix). i also sat thru a radio interview of ken at the goodnews station. i was very moved to hear stories of his life that i've never had the chance to hear of. i know that God has been really good to our familee and been using all of us in different corners and parts of the world.

this is longer than i would like to usually write but i guess i had a lot of thoughts after this 2-week trip.

actually... i am hoping that i'll have more chance to interact with all the people i've met. they've all blessed me A LOT.

caught in the craze %-)

i've only been in taiwan for a week and i've fallen in love with this new young mandarin pop singer--yang zong wei. (here's a link to this tw website that allows you to listen for 30 min worth of free songs if you register... not sure if it works outside of tw... http://web.ezpeer.com/cd/c31344s7665.html)

in the few interviews that i've seen, he seems to be a very plain, simple, straight forward, nice, and honest guy that you would trust letting your daughter go out alone with.

actually this is one of those "american idol", "project superstar", "britain's got talent" type of singing competition. this group, xin guan bang (star light gang), is the result of the competition.

i think i can listen to this guy sing all night long and not get bored.

death by taiwanese food

it's been 5 days since i came back to taiwan. it's amazing how much you can eat in 5 days and the variety of foods they offer here. funny girl G has been repeating herself with the phrase "i can die here" because of all the good foods. (will post pix later)

well, today finally had a chance to stop from serious eating and do some damage control. i went hiking with my cousin ken, his wife terry, and lilian (a family friend). we went to the famous "yan ming shan". somehow in all my years in taiwan, i've never been hiking there even once. maybe it's because i grew up with a dad who doesn't like to hike (so he said in the car tonight).

thank God that the weather was super nice. when i woke up in the morning and looked out the window, i thought.. "gosh.. it looks hot and humid and maybe it will rain... not sure how i am going to survive today's hike" but as i went out, there was this nice breeze. although i was already sweating by just walking around on the street, it felt good because of the breeze.

we met around 10:30 at the Bei Tou MRT station and waited for a bus while we caught up with one another's lives. took this small bus up the mountain and started off on this trial by a temple. it was all uphill!!! we must have climbed uphill for hours but we took short breaks in between and enjoyed some fruits and food they prepared. the majority of the hike was uphill which was nice (because i really hate how going downhill can be so slippery and scary... and it hurts my knees and thighs). we walked thru this place that used to be the opening of a volcano and there used to be a small lake but it's all dried up now. well, to cut the story short, it was a very hard hike but rewarding hike because i had a break from eating and could do some serious exercise to sweat off all the calories and oil from fried chicken chop, din tai feng's "real" meat little steamed bao, yummy taiwanese style tapanyaki, all the delicious and delicate cakes from any bakery in the city, shaved ice desserts, bubble tea, grass jelly milk tea, dan shui fish balls... etc...

the entire hike took us nearly 6 hours to complete. LOL but it was really worth it.

(warning: food pictures posted in a later time might turn friends to enemies. if you cannot tahan and still want to be my friend, please don't look at the pictures. )

if..., would you?

if you search deep into your heart
your intuition, your subconsciousness
would you find that you do love and care for me as i do for you?

if you look into the songs you sent to me before
would you see that there's a common theme and message?

if you think back of our time together tonight
would you realize that we belong together
just like how it was tonight?

if you ever gotten the courage
would you let me know of how you truly feel inside?

if you truly treasure me as who i am
would you abandon your fears and committ to me and me alone?

if we could start on a different note in a different time and space
would we end up happily ever after?

if you would examine how much time we also interact with each other
would you find that we have occupied much of each other's life?

if,
would you?

Happy Independence Day!

Just want to be a little patriotic here... Although there was no fireworks or hamburgers, I did go out tonight and had some brownies (without ice cream) with some friends. Although I didn't say anything about it, it was on my mind all day long.

Just want to say Happy Independence Day, America!

Although I only grew up partly in America, there have been much positive influence (and negative ) upon my life during those years. My high school and college days were very important in shaping who I am today. Having been away for so many years, I've also grown to treasure the freedom, the space, the abundance of everything, and some good values that I experienced there.

Just pray that the American people would turn back to the good Lord who has so richly blessed this amazing country and her people. Pray that the country and people will stand up for righteousness and justice and please God with our lives.

separation

from the day we are conceived
we start to separate
grow so one day we are born
born so the cord can be cut
grow bigger to crawl, walk, run
for our independence
for dreams and aspirations
because "the time" has come
to move further yet closer
to what we desire
deep down in our hearts
to the life that God has given us
a never ending process and cycle
hellos and goodbyes
until that one day
when we are no more seprated

intuition and rationalization

"the heart is the most deceptive above all..."

with my intuition and my rationalization
self discipline is more of doing
what i like, when i like, with whom i like
decisions in life can change according to the I and R.
can you even call that self discipline?

i really don't know what i want or like
except for my I and R

can i live thru life in this way?
i probablly will always depend on these two friends and foe

how does God come in all this?
is this just the way He made me?
can He tolerate me although i can't even tolerate myself this way?

to these, i have no answer
i'll continue to seek and ask

pirates and persumptions

just watched pirates, the worlds end.... finally!!!!

tks to G who agree to go with me and sit thru that 168 minutes of thrill and laughs.

i actually thought it was entertaining and so did G. ok ok... people are right in saying that there were parts that moved too slowly but i think it's still faster than spiderman 3. :p people said there's no plot and storyline, i still saw a coherent theme running thru it. people say that there were too many characters introduced but aren't they all still supporting the main characters who got a fair share of the screen time? (yipee for seeing orlando bloom's handsome face on the big screen for quite a few shots) :D

i still appreciate the adventures and the focus on freedom (that's basically what they were fighting for). the romance was too cheesy for me. special effects, make up and costumes were really cool. (tons of stunt people were used since we sat thru the credits to watch "the very end" of the movie...) this 3rd movie also answered a lot of questions that were raised in the 2nd movie, introduced the pirates' world/culture, exposed the imaginative side of people for the ever changing seas. oh, and chow yun fat! too bad that he died too early in the movie. :(

so another conclusion i have about this movie and movie watching in general is that people will usually stick to their presumptions of certain movies, trilogies, and actors. i pretty much have very good vibes and liked the last two pirates movies, love the main actors and anticipated that i would be able to find interesting lines, stories, analogies, thoughts from this movie. i knew i would like it actually...

but for many of my friends who never liked johnny depp or the other two pirates movies, i hear more negative comments.

unless it's a horrendous movie that's beyond hope, i think hollywood captures this presumptuous side of people. i hope ocean's 13 is not just a whole bunch of handsome guys in redeeming the price i pay for the movie... ha.. :D

Pirates are coming...

Happy Mother's day!

Just want to wish all mothers out there a very happy and blessed mother's day! Also... for all spiritual moms out there. You might not have your own biological children but you have many spiritual children out there, lives touched by your nurturing.

Thank you for your sacrifices, love, care, food, heart to heart chats, prayers, tears...

wow... amazing...

last saturday when i went out jogging, i prayed to God... "help me to know that You love me..." then a bird poo pooed on me. i thought... "so much for asking God to show me love..."

but this morning as i think back, there were many things that happened to me that were pretty amazing...

monday... treated to a penang buffet at the king's copthrone hotel. it was yummilicious. :d
tuesday... lots of fun and free food with the BBTC YAM at pasir ris park with 5 friends from ESC.
wednesday... free tickets to "phantom of the opera" (not just any seat but really good circle one seats) with my good friend, ey... we enjoyed pretty good food and the sunset view at the marina sq food loft. she drove us there and to esplanade and home!
today... beautiful blue sky on the way to work. OH... and i won the EAST t-shirt design contest! $100 dollars and people get to wear my new design.

i think God is amazing...

all i ask of you

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA lyrics

why do waves all come crashing at once?

actually by nature, waves come not all at once. one comes after another. maybe there are times when it becomes more intense.

just yesterday i felt like i was under tons of pressure and today i am doing much better. it was all the decisions piling and all the uncertainties crashing. but all in a day's work, it was done.

this last trip with "the ladies" was set (timing, pricing, location). the dates for our extended family trip to china were set. decision about what to do for ESC this week was decided (cancel and invite the group to BBTC's FITS next tuesday). compilation of the year end survey results for EAST is almost done. just finished the last exit interview for the graduating students. i guess that's about all... oh ya! and the ICC situation with some brothers and sisters attending the church with questionable teachings was also settled all within a couple of days work (thank God!).

note to self today

1. result
2. process
how?

• trust; entrust (to a generous God, all knowing, able, loving, providence); belief
• (opposite of above--> driven by insecurities, worries, fears)
• humility (give God due credits to Him)
• not with my own wisdom
• love
• patience--God's timing
• let Him work!

His yoke is easy
burden is light
grace is sufficient
faith in persevering

faith is required when it's beyond my own abilities

silent retreat

a couple days ago, some of the EAST students went on a retreat. by retreat, this is a real retreat... going to a quiet place (in singapore, this is kinda rare), staying away from the noise and busyness... and not talking to one another for the majority of the time when we were there! (even during our meals)

the whole idea was to consciously block out all the noise and so refrain from talking. reading only the Bible and no other books, so we can practice "listening to God".

thru out the retreat, we had a facilitator (here's his blog) who went thru some debatable practices on meditation and biblical interpretation methods (or maybe we just needed more time for him to explain further before we practiced them?). despite all the discussions and the controversies that i've been hearing since the retreat, personally, i thought i benefited from this type of spiritual discipline exercise.

somehow, thru the 1 1/2 days retreat, i realized that i have been avoiding reading the Bible much because of this issue of trust. i find that i don't really trust God anymore so reading God's Word doesn't mean much to me... (if you don't trust someone, you probably won't really listen to his/her words...) i need to deal with my disappointments of things not taking place according to what i had imagined God doing. somehow God was bringing to my attention of the fact that He has His timing in all things and He does not fail in fulfilling His promises.

i also continued to struggle with "my dark side" (critical spirit, judgmental, unforgiving, etc.) and not knowing how to reconcile with "the force" (no lah... my good side... compassionate, loving, accepting, etc.). i also couldn't reconcile the two seemingly opposing sides, which are also exhibited so clearly in God. somehow, as i continued to think that i probably will need some time to reconcile it all, i caught the bus ride home with one of our students JT. he asked me what i've learned from the retreat and so i told him about my problem. i finally finished when i was about to get off the bus and walk home. he has started to counsel me and simply pointed out that what i was experiencing can possibly be some form of spiritual attack. the evil one knows that the Lord is bringing new things into my life so attacks/distractions came. he got off the bus with me and pray for me. somehow ever since then, i've felt much easier about my struggles.

ultimately, i just thank God in orchestrating every person and every event that played a part for where i am today, especially for my recent struggles. i think i've reached a place that i feel much more at peace although there are still some fears about the future that are plaguing me. i guess i'll just have to take one step at a time and see how the Lord will continue to lead and provide grace needed along the way.

priced possession

you were created--
fearfully and wonderfully
priced possession of the creator Lord God
the Almighty who spoke and the world came to being

you are loved and adored
with eternal, unmoved love
of the One who would sacrifice His only Son, His all
so you can connect, feel the deep love and desire
of the ultimate Husband never imagined existed

He adores you and lavishes His love upon you
not fearing going the distance
no matter how much the cost would be
knowing your most imitate desires and needs
feel all your joy and pain

None in this world can compare to Him

He never gives up
constantly pursuing you
no matter how muddied, scared you've become
no matter how you've exchanged substitute loves that can never compare
no matter how hard you tried to earn the wrong fulfillments in life
He is amazing, He loves you
very much

heart, mine

my heart, a woman's heart, sensitive
a place of complexity
a picture, a song, an ad
would strike memories within
even after so many years
hopes and desires diminished
still, a kindred spirit, an admiration
for your talent and amazing gifts

and you...
will i ever reach a day like this?
simple admiration
thoughts from a distance
no longer my object of possession and desire

T.E.A.R.

Oh Lord, i will

(written last Sunday March 4, 2007)
Have i not had enough pain?
Have i not hurt myself enough?
Have i not been thru enough because of what i thought is
right
or
good for me?

There's nothing left for me to fight.
There's none of me left to struggle.
I've tried too much.
I've chose enough for myself.
Now i choose You.
Now i choose life.
Now i choose You and so Lord, i will.

so i lied

yes, guilty as charged
so i lied
i lied to myself
i lied to you, my family and friends
i lied to God
of what i can endure
of what i would like in a man
of what i think i can endure
in a life that i had prayed for
of a man that i still love
still can't believe how foolish i can be
how stupid i truly am
"i told you so..."
i should have listened

i'm a true romantic, hopeless one
and i'm supposed to feel bad about this?
i want it all
but don't think i'm deserving
is that what my problem is?
maybe, i think so...

so i lied