finished?

was hoping to finish the Fuller application essay by last night but i was just too tired so decided to sleep earlier and wake up earlier.

got up at 5:30am.

i was super efficient. although i have just finished (it's what? 12 hours later?), in the early hours of the morning, i also sort out my 40-page writing portfolio and penned down the proposed research focus statement. (every single step makes me wonder if i am doing the right thing or not...)

actually after writing for these few days, this morning near noon time, i felt stuck and re-read the 3 questions provided again. i just thought i was very confused. all three questions seem to be asking the same thing..(what's the theme of the three books and how does it impact your anticipated research...) upon closer look, i realized that there are three little words that i've missed.

what

how

why

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

went back to read what i had written by that point of time and felt rather hopeless.
then suddenly an uncle (one of mei's godfathers) told me thru skype chat
"add oil 加油“ and something else ... and that we will pray for you. i was very touched!

had my lunch and started again... added a few lines here and there to answer the questions.

so now...

finished

feels very unreal

Replace by Jim Lim

saw this on mich's friend's blogsite and fell instantly in love with the song and Jim Lim's voice.

my new favorite. :D

Jim Lim Live (Replace MV)

thank you, my friends

it's been 2 weeks since i cancelled my employment pass, which means the 2-wk social visit pass has expired today.

originally i had planned to go to JB (Johor Baru) with crab after she finished teaching in the afternoon, but as i chat with tracey on msn, she offered to drive me there and back. so we rushed over the not-so-crowded bridge around 4ish in the afternoon, going through singapore and malaysia customs. then turned right back around (with a quick stop for starbucks coffee) and came back through malaysia, singapore customs.

somehow two weeks ago, i was rather worried that i won't be able to get new social visit pass today and maybe i would be stuck over in malaysia during this very crucial time. but thank God with good friends accompanying me, i got another 90-day social visit pass after i've done this.

1st... i still want to thank tracey again for doing this for me. it really means a lot to me. :)

then... since i felt sorry to change plans with crab, i told her that we can meet for dinner. along came jj and sm (the usual sunday afternoon/evening companions for the past few months... and trips to malaysia also during the past few months). i have been craving pizza hut's super cheesy pizza and that's what we had. bumped into microyu and his wife. i forgot that it's her birthday today. (happy birthday, victoria! ) and it was just nice for us to borrow mircroyu's HSBC card to get a discount. (thanks, microyu )

when we were finishing dinner, sm came up with the idea for us to catch ratatouille around 9. while we were waiting, sm, crab and i went to the arcade and damaged our hands and fingers with crazy games. but it was fun. the movie was very cute as well.

as we were parting, they walked me to the MRT station and told me that they hope to catch me on such unplanned evening next week. i said... probably not... since almost all my lunches and dinners have been filled with appointments (also leaving a couple breakfast slots now...) earlier today, JT asked if i am sad to leave singapore. i said... what kind of question is this?

and until today, i've not sent a thank-you ecard to the faith cell for a very memorable farewell sunday night (my usual practice). as i blogged earlier, i have been worrying sick about my fuller application. been occupying my time either in reading or thinking of writing and preping myself with a lot of time before i write...

somehow... i know that times like tonight might never come again. this is very sad. my fuller application essay is nowhere near being finished but actually i am grateful to have spent the night with three of the most important friends/companions of my life through out my years in singapore.

i can never say enough thank-you to everybody. i probably will keep saying thank-you a million times more. and i truly am thankful... for all of you... i won't ever regret time spent with you over my essay. (i can work on it tonight even if i don't sleep so early.)

i wish i can capture all the moments and freeze them. maybe that's how heaven will be like.

the last leg

finally finished reading the 3rd required book for my fuller application around 2am on Monday (or rather it was already Tuesday... ). actually this was much later than my intended time of finishing by last Wednesday. i guess i still don't know myself and my circumstances that well.

been having farewell parties and dinners with friends... uncle morley and aunt sophie were here for the big evangelistic meeting for the chinese churches over the weekend... all these i had anticipated but maybe not the anticipation of the amount energy consumed. (what am i saying? i can't write!!!)

sigh... thus why i am still dragging my feet from writing my 10-page paper for the application and blogging away right now. i don't think it's that hard to write this paper since i have a pretty good outline in front of me. but i am plagued by fears right now. fears that i won't be able to hit the main points from the books. fears that i won't be able to find substantiate proof from the books to support the points. basically... fear of failure.

although i know this is normal (who is not afraid to fail?) and a lot of these thoughts are not very valid. i might not be the best thinker/writer in the world, but i think i do have some inherent abilities to analyze and write (thanks to good genes from mom and dad ).

just feel like screaming and beating myself up so i would just get to it.

i got an email from Fuller's admissions counselor this morning. both good and bad news for me. the email was sent to remind the applicants of the impending doom... (err... ha... deadline) of Sept 1. but at the same time saying that if anyone needs extra time, please let them know. LOL i think this is called grace and understanding from the school. even if i would take up their offer, i still won't have enough time with all the appointments lined up (ey, G and YL, don't take this as a hint to cancellation of our trip this weekend, k?).

sigh... so pray for me. i also need to pray and just trust God to carry me through. for the Holy Spirit to inspire and remind of all the things I've read and learned. just give my best and leave the rest to God... plus there are appointments abound and i am looking forward to spending time with people... (although i can never spend enough time with people)

Gambate!!!

managing finances on mac

any mac owner has a good finance management software to recommend?

God is good... all the time...

i think sometimes this statement is demonstrated in small things and with a grateful heart.

these few days have been very stressful with saying goodbyes (and realizing there's never enough time to spend with people you care about... ), rushing and trying like mad to finish reading for the Fuller application (and not doing very well with the schedule you want to keep), trying to coordinate our family's china trip cross countries and continents, and wanting to keep myself sane in the midst of all this (by trying to keep some routines like QT, jogging, eating right...)

well, somehow things were blowing up out of proportion in my head and stress level was rather high.

i wanted to spoil myself a little in compensation of the stress that was boiling inside of me. growing up in a family that loves food and uses food to express love, this is where i turned to tonight.

first... pre-dinner comfort-a cup of decaf, non-fat milk latte at starbucks
(that helped a little in calming my nerves)

2nd... yummy asian style burger at Mos Burger with G
(we had good laughs)

then...

we were at bugis and when we walked by hotel intercontinental, i remembered this bakery shop that used to sell things at 1/2 price after 8 or 9pm. thought we just walk by and check out the cakes. and to our pleasant surprise, they are running a promotion. two slices of cakes for S$10! and we just stood there marveling at all the beautiful and yummy looking cakes. at the end i decided on their royal chocolate and something mascarpone.

G and i then walked to the raffles hotel and found a quiet corner, sat there and enjoyed our cakes! the royal chocolate had a layer of mousse on top, chocolate syrup, raspberry sprinkled with golden dust. the bottom of the cake is made with crunchy peanut butter, candy bar, solid tasting thing. the mascarpone cheesecake thingy had liquored soaked cheery mixed in with the cheese... the rest was a blur since it was so yummy... it was heavenly, yet very sinful.

on the way home, i had this wonderful feeling of satisfaction. and thinking... God is so good to me, supplying my small craving in a stressful time waaaaaay beyond i can ever imagine.

man.. i'll need to go jogging again tomorrow morning.. to redeem my sins...

(hope G's pix turn out)

new toy--grace upon grace

"grace upon grace" is the name of my new toy. it's my new macbook pro!

been planning to get a new laptop computer for months. been praying and asking people to pray for sufficient fund. thanks to many good friends who responded when i said i have this need for a new laptop by giving me some money as my parting gift. i also sold my electric piano as a part of the contribution to the macbook pro fund. then thankfully my landlady moved back so she cut down the rent and is paying for the utilities (which also allow me to save some money on my monthly expenses)...

so the money part was more or less taken cared of. then it's the issue of when and where and which specs of macbook pro to purchase. thus started the hunt of my macbook pro.

i've always known that NTU has the best deals especially since they include a 3-yr warranty and a carrying bag. but just to doubly, triply make sure, i waited till the PC show at the beginning of June and check their price and package they might offer. to my disappointment, the apple people at the PC show weren't very helpful and even had a hint of "i don't care if you buy our product or not". not very helpful and not very cheap. the sales lady told us that most models of macbook pros are out of stock everywhere in singapore at the time. she didn't even offer for me to take an order and wait for it to come... so the day after we went to the PC show, my friend went to the NTU computer shop to order one from there. well, the apple sales lady was right. somehow after the PC show, they were totally out of stock of anything macbook. but at least the sales person at NTU was nicer. told my friend that we can order and maybe the new shipment will come by August.

by mid or end-July, got the news from james that NTU/NUS is having IT fair at the beginning of the new academic year. free upgrade of the Mac new OS leopard will be given. i was already pretty happy with the 3-yr warranty and carrying bag. the free upgrade is definitely welcomed (although i didn't know what kind of awesome and cool things that leopard can do till these couple of days..)

well, to cut the story shorter (i need to go to bed!)... i finally got the macbook pro last friday. (after lots of walking around the crowded NTU campus on a rainy friday and complications)

when i was picking up the macbook pro, FJ was with me. when we ordered the macbook pro, crab had already told me the specs and gifts, but i didn't really take note. so when FJ saw the adobe creative suite 3 (web premium), (if he was sitting) jumped out of the chair. and the next morning, going the 5th mile, superchrisho came to see if he can revive my late ibook's HD. seeing the free softwares given, he was also totally shocked and said this would cost about S$1,000 out there on the market.

so when i was talking with one friend who contributed to this computer, it suddenly dawned on me. all this waiting was very worth while! i have so many added bonuses (besides getting a really cool machine to begin with...) because i was "forced" to wait for apple to catch up on the popular demand of their amazing machines. (plus i think there was such delay due to the sales of iphone...)

at the end of this story, i hope that this macbook pro will last much longer than my late ibook. hopefully more beautiful music can be recorded through "grace upon grace" and beautiful photos, multimedia presentations will be made for the contribution of missions and God's kingdom. i am thankful that i get to enjoy using this baby everyday.

moved...

the NTU ESC (English speaking corner) hosted a farewell party for me yesterday. i had some vague idea of what might happen and had sent out email asking people to pray for me because i want to take this chance to share what's most pressing on my heart--salvation and a vital relationship in Jesus Christ. i had very little time to really sit down and prepare what i wanted to say, but i knew that i wanted to share some songs with them. i feel singing is the best medium for me to share my heart and gift that i can give to these dear friends.

i had not really thought about how i would feel to say goodbye to these friends that i've spent saturday mornings... somehow, i've never been really good in showing my emotions in front of people (except for when i am leading worship... i think...)

i didn't really cry but had a few tears rolling in my eyes but never really came out...

i was very moved by this special video edited/threaded by SM and YM. it was made up of clips of people's farewell messages to me. there are some funny things that people said but mostly heart felt words and genuine feelings expressed. i think i was especially touched when this girl HP said something to the effect of how ESC has been a very special time for her and whenever people said they have learned things through the lessons.

after ESC's party, i also visited the NTU cellgroup because it was bear's birthday and i wanted to celebrate with him before i go (but sorry ah... i didn't get any gifts for you.). at the end of the meeting, they wanted to pray for me and asked if i have anything to share with them. i said... i was very grateful that i had the opportunity to have some closure by visiting the cellgroup one last time. my contact with NTU started when i decided to help the NTU cell around sept 2003. but i left the cellgroup a couple or a year ago due to various reasons. to be able to go back and visit again was very good. maybe it was good because i get to see how people have grown over the years.

well... when they prayed for me... i cried. i think, it was because of the deep relationships that we've invested into one another's lives and knowing that we probably wont be able to spend as much time talking face to face with one another in the future. i was also moved because of people's gratitude of what my life has imparted to them. that meant a lot to me because that's what i sought to do all these years.

three more weeks left before i depart from singapore. there are going to be more and more farewell parties and dinners coming up.

pray that i'll have good closure time with people and treasure every moment we'll share before i go...

funny classical performers

got two links these two days from greenwei and former teacher HS... pretty funny stuff...

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/ver/223/popup/index.php?cl=3400917
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jiu0RNizU8

saying goodbyes

went to MOM and cancelled my employment pass today. it's a funny feeling somehow... although not much has changed (except that i can't work in singapore from today onwards), it just felt weird. 4 yrs passed by just like that...

well, it took me about 2 hours to take care of a 5 minute business. i guess i went at the wrong time (right at noon) and there were more than 200 numbers in queue in front of me. i guess MOM is still pretty efficient in comparison to most places in the world.

so... last tuesday, EAST already gave me a farewell lunch (along with JT). been having series of farewell meals and more to come with ESC this Sat, and faith CG in a couple weeks time...

...

well... been looking into getting a new macbook pro and finally got the phone call from crab saying that they will have what i ordered on friday. the salesman offered to take in my old thinkpad for a very small sum of money (but still money). if i finally decide to do that, i'll have to part with my thinkpad on friday as well.

suddenly feels a little scared to lose those that are familiar to me...

maybe this is what it's all about. mixed emotions of sadness, fear, and also looking into possibilities of the future life...

after thoughts of northern Malaysia trip

somehow after 8 yrs in asia, i never managed to go to ipoh until last week. i had a lot of mixed emotions when we were going there, arriving there, being there, and leaving there. i couldn't really put my thoughts in words until last night...

on the bus back to singapore, i was talking with jw about gong gong. somehow even after gong gong's passing for so many years, talking about him still brought tears to my eyes. i truly miss him.

ever since we got off the bus at medan kit, i was trying to imagine how Ipoh used to be when gong gong was living there. as we went thru the day, i also came to the realization that yesterday has passed. there's no way for me to truly "feel" the ipoh of gong gong's days.

but from my observation of the people and the life there, there are a lot of "traditions" preserved especially in the food that we tried. of course there are newer inventions and foods from other influences, but when we were in the dim sum restaurant early sunday morning with all the people speaking in cantonese, drinking tea, socializing, i think there was a glimpse of what it could have been like. (i still think it's rather far from how it was...)

while talking with jw about my family's past (particularly mom's family), i never grow tired of the fascinating and complicated history. from malaysia back to china, to HK, taiwan then the rest of the world, the Lees are truly multi-cultural and embracing of all peoples. then i thought of why is this so... of the places my family has lived, taken root, infected by those different lands' cultures...

i think i am grateful. grateful of my heritage, complicated, inherited cultures and values.

well, there's another root finding trip coming up in Sept to china... maybe it's the continuation of this discovery of who i am and how i've been affected by my family's past in creating who i am today.

to be cont...

Happy 'Ba ba' jie (Father's day)

today is Aug 8. in chinese it's "ba ba"... in taiwan, this is our father's day.

just want to wish my dad a happy "ba ba" jie. and the same goes to all the current and future fathers. :)

here's a prayer that i wrote on june 18 (the western father's day)
=====================================
dear Lord

pray for You to bless the fathers
of children young and old
pray for Your wisdom, fearlessness
trust in You
guide for their children
strength and courage to trust in You
pray for nations to be built
because of fathers taking on their tasks and responsibilities
honorable and high callings
for them to be good examples for their children
for their children to experience who You are even thru their earthly fathers
may You be honored and glorified
because of men who submit themselves, humbly to You
seeking Your heart and will for themselves and their families
pray for spiritual leadership
righteousness and justice
health and love
grace and mercy
just as You have shown them

Jay Chou-不能说的.秘密 MV

Link
(click above link to see the MV from another multiply-er's site)
guess i am somewhat a jay chou fan by now... (usually would sing at least one or two of his songs at karaoke sessions)

his new movie is out today. this is the new song from the movie. i kinda like the melancholy feeling to the song... some sweetness and some bitterness. tru romantic sentiment.